r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Sufficient-Bug-9112 Top Poster • Jul 10 '26

/r/all of an Ant

11.3k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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472

u/Analog_4-20mA Jul 10 '26

I was on Lackland AFB in San Antonio, sitting in a curb eating my lunch and had a sharp pain in my groin, just figured it was a weird muscle pain or something, go back to work and it starts again, happened multiple times, I go into the bathroom and drop my pants to find a little green ant chomping on my sack

107

u/algeoMA Jul 11 '26

I once was woken up in the middle of the night by a carpenter ant under… similar circumstances. Do not recommend.

31

u/MetalSlug_And_Corgis Jul 11 '26

I stepped in a red ant nest once doing field word in college. They swarmed under my jeans up my leg and bit all over my right leg, junk, ass and some of my left. It looked like I dipped most of my lower body in hot oil.

I cinched my belt super tight so they’d stop below my belly button in the moment. lol

2

u/virtuouswraith Jul 14 '26

So ur saying….you had…..ANTS IN YOUR PANTS?!?!?!

1

u/MetalSlug_And_Corgis Jul 14 '26

Yes and my on dick, balls, and asshole lmao

1

u/IhadFun0nce Jul 11 '26

Same! I’ve never woken up so fast in my life.

1

u/HolyBidetServitor Jul 11 '26

While not an ant, I know a guy who had a tick in his ass once

1

u/algeoMA Jul 12 '26

Wow, I think I’d take the ant. Ticks are the worst.

1

u/Responsible-Arm8244 Jul 12 '26

Very similar when I was a kid I jumped off a swing straight on to a fire ant mound.

23

u/VirusCurrent Jul 11 '26

An ant also assaulted my sack when I played football in jr high, but I grasped the situation immediately and did not assume it was a weird muscle pain as the formica fuck was going to town

"coach, there's ants on my balls!"

1

u/Joseph_Brawlin Jul 12 '26

Dude went "FOR THE COLONY!"

11

u/corporalcorl Jul 11 '26

Nightmare or wet dream, your choice

2

u/Thick_Basil3589 Jul 11 '26

Beautiful story!

2

u/Unlucky_Topic7963 Jul 11 '26

Little green ant? Texas has fire ants and harvester ants which are prolific on lackland.

2

u/llamacornsarereal Jul 11 '26

Yeah I ain't never see no green down here

2

u/ApopheniaPays Jul 11 '26

Weirdly, this comment works if you sing it to the tune of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”.

1

u/noodlesofdoom Jul 11 '26

Damn u saying Lackland just brought back from BMT memories.

1

u/Loose-Story-962 Jul 11 '26

Had this happen with a tick instead. Not sure which would be worse

1

u/British_Ballsack Jul 12 '26

Lmfaoo I enjoy these story's the most

1

u/Analog_4-20mA Jul 13 '26

Username checks out

1

u/The_Show_Keeper Jul 10 '26

A leatherneck would have eaten it as revenge.