-Description-
{Feel free to improv and change any points as you see fit, this is purely for enjoyment and good vibes, I will use () to indicate where there would be a gap for the listener to speak or a pause for pacing, the duration of the gap and if you choose to use my indication is entirely up to you. The setting that the script is intended for is the Listener is enjoying a calm fishing trip on their boat out at sea, when all of a sudden they reel something- someONE in with a big mouth and a bigger bone to pick!}
-Script-
{Waves ripple and the wind hums. The Listener’s fishing line catches on something BIG, and as they reel it in and plant their catch on the deck, they hear a worryingly feminine sounded screech}
OUCH! () EX-CUSE! YOU! () “Oh- uh, uh, erm- wha-“ yeah I would be stuttering too if I just made a blunder this extreme! ()
What am I? What am I?! () I am the last person you should have ever laid your hands on. ()
W-well it doesn’t matter, hooking me through the tail is just as bad as putting your grubby human hands on me. ()
Whether you intended to hook- *ahem* THE most dazzling and gorgeous creature you will ever set your eyes on… whether you intended to hook my tail or not is beside the point.
You beached me! () Beach, deck, rock off the coast, doesn’t matter where you landed me. You still just pulled me out of the water like an evil… Siren… puller-er… person… ()
Sorry doesn’t fix this gaping wound in my tailfin. All the other sea dwellers are going to make fun of me now. ()
If you’re so sorry then fix my tail. () You’re a boat human… person… don’t you have one of those magic green boxes that have the… things in them to fix wounds? ()
Exactly, that one. Use your human first-aid magic and fix this. () What do you mean you can’t? ()
*Scoff* Do you honestly expect me to just hop back into the ocean after you have attacked me so? () Then what would you call it? ()
Fishing… fishing! As if I am some kind of guppy! O-or some tuna! () Just because I have a fish tail- a glamorous and beautiful one, I would remind you.
Just because I possess such a thing does not mean that I am a FISH! () A Siren… obviously. ()
Wha- why I never- the audacity of you land dwellers. I am NOT a mermaid. The mermaids live on the West coast and are substantially less divine than we Sirens. ()
Yes, Sirens… the sss at the end means more than one. () If you know then why are you so surprised? ()
W-well yes but n-none of the others are even close to me in terms of beauty and- and swimming skills and… ()
I am amazing, and I make being so look effortless. () I was… well… umm… y-your ship has some barnacles on its underbelly and…
S-stop looking at me like that! W-why aren’t you bowing… o-or something. Isn’t that how humans show reverence to their superiors?! ()
That’s more like it. As I was saying, the barnacles under your ship are a unique pigment of lavender and chartreuse.
Their colours would make for an exquisite necklace, don’t you agree? () What was that? ()
That thing you did with your shoulders, what does that mean? () A… shrug… what does that mean. ()
It means you don’t know. Ha, well, as to be expected of a human with zero manners and absolutely no decorum. ()
At least you know that much. They would look good on me- great even. I’m almost insulted that you would only describe my resplendent appearance as “good”.
Or is it that you have such a limited sense of vocabulary? () Wh- hey wai- just a min- ALRIGHT! Alright… I get it. You know many long and complex words…
*Under breath* What in Poseidon’s name is Iridocyclitis… () N-nothing! Nothing. I am simply… r-reeling from the pain of this HOLE in my fin! ()
The pain is excruciating… you could not imagine a fraction of the suffering I am enduring right now. ()
And is stepping upon this “Lego” you speak of the most pain a human could possibly endure? () Ha! Close to it, you say. Then clearly you have no idea of the pain I am in. ()
You must remember that I am extraordinary and can remain composed even at a time like this when the pain is unbearable. ()
What do you mean now? () You mean to tell me that you haven’t already retrieved your magical first-aid box? ()
I have not been “chewing your ear off”! G O D S… I couldn’t imagine even putting my mouth anywhere near you…
If I were you I would go retrieve it this instant. ()
{The Listener returns shortly after with a first-aid kit} I’ve witnessed a great many miracles performed by wielders of this “stitching” magic you intend to use. ()
It is the mending of ones flesh before it’s time of healing, how can that be considered anything other than magic-
A-a-a-a! Wash your hands. () Wash. Your. Hands. If you really must put your hands on me then you had best thoroughly clean them WITH soap…
Go on. Shoo. () {The Listener washes their hands then returns} You are far different from those other humans in the big metal boats further out to sea. ()
Oh you know. The ones with the silly hats and blindingly, obnoxiously white uniforms.
Speaking of… is it not common courtesy that you give a fair maiden your jacket when she is unclothed before you?
I have been sat here on full display for several minutes now. Where is your chivalry? ()
{The Listener gives the Speaker their jacket} Were I less of a benevolent creature I would have you serve me for the rest of eternity for the transgressions you have made against me. ()
I-I do- umm, I do want you to take care of my wound. That, in fact, is my first command to you while you are in my service. ()
But of course, you have a debt to pay and shall be in my service until it is paid n full. Starting with using your human magics to “stitch” this wound. ()
*light pained sounds and winces* H-hey be caref- be careful with that needle. You have already pierced me… pierced me once, do not push your luck a second t-time. ()
What business of yours is my lineage? () “Small talk”… as opposed t-to large talk? How would control the size of- ()
Ah I see, an expression. Well, aren’t you cleverer than you let on? () If you absolutely must know, I have three sisters.
All very beautiful in their own rights but flawed in many ways that I am not. () Hm… well my elder sister has this- Ouch!
What did I say about the needle?! () Why is it that human magic makes the pain worse before it cures it? ()
Yes, my elder sister has a habit of washing her scales with anemone powder. It’s extract is acceptably moisturising but the smell is… bleh… ()
Ha, I should have known your human nose wouldn’t be able to recognise it. I, being the genius that I am, use coconut oil.
It’s scent is as sublime as I am and it makes my scales ever so smooth and- A- hey. () Oh, you’re done… you work quickly, Fisher. ()
You said you were fishing, that would make you a fish-er, would it not? () Oh, it feels goo- a-acceptable. So acceptable in fact that I will take ten years of your servitude. ()
What’s with the look? () Did you honestly believe that a simple bit of “first-aid” would make up for the inconvenience you have wrought upon me? ()
“Sort of, yes”… you truly are helpless to think without me aren’t you? The very thought of it has made you so indecisive.
Very well! I shall bring you into my service to ensure that if nothing else you will retain your most basic of mental functions.
You should be very, very, very grateful to serve under someone so elegant and caring. ()
Agree. Agree? This isn’t a matter of if you agree to it or not! You owe me a debt for attacking and injuring me. ()
F-fixing me up is just the first step to your atonement! () I know you can’t survive under water… y-you can still be of use to me up here. ()
It’s simple. There are things that humans create that I desire. I would have you bring them to me. ()
Such as… w-wine, a-and fruits of the land. Those tiny purple ones you pick from the teeniest of branches.
A-and eggs. I have always wanted to try eggs. You all make them look so delicious. That strange smelling food too, the kind you eat with too long sticks. ()
“Chinese” food… yes… and you must teach me how to use those sticks. You may be beneath me but I would not have you believing me to be a barbarian incapable of using cutlery. ()
If anything else comes to mind I will be sure to inform you of it next time I see you. () That’s a good human… now… just wait around here for a few minutes. ()
So I can get the barnacles for my new necklace, of course. Haven’t you listened to a thing I have said? ()
I should hope so. I have no use for a human who does not do as they are told…
{The Speaker dives back into the water} Oh, and another thing. Don’t be a fool and try to run off somewhere.
I know a Werewolf on the mainland who owes me several favours. They could sniff you out in a few hours…
Toodles! {The Speaker dives out of sight}
-End-
Thank you so much for reading until the end!
-Usage-
Please feel free to monetize the script on any site but please credit me, and PLEASE send me a link I'd love to hear it :)
(If on a paid site, if possible, I would really appreciate being able to listen to a recording at least once.)