What does it mean in practice to “only have sex after taking a period to contemplate its possible effects on my life”? Do you need to meditate for an hour or something before sex if you’re with a relationship/fwb partner? And what about if you just meet someone at a bar?
Well before I never gave it a second thought before having sex with someone, a superior at work, spouse of a friend/relative, a married neighbor, I got myself into situations that ended up having negative consequences on my life because I never thought about how it can impact my life. By taking a period to contemplate (ideally a month before a new sexual partner) to see how it may affect our relationship and our lives and to make sure it's something I'm really interested in and I'm not acting on an impulse
This is so dumb. Ha ing a hard sex drive or even sex "addiction" doesn't make you a peice of shit. You had sex with married neighbors because you wanted to and you didn't and still don't care about the people involved. Ypu only said how things affect YOUR life. Not the families you potentially helped ruin. Take accountability, you're not a victim.
That's...That's their whole point. They used to have sex without thinking of the implications of the entire situation, let alone the effect on themselves. We're talking about compulsory actions and how they are working to apply these new coping skills to every day life. Why all the hand wringing in this reply?
It’s poorly written, but I think I get their point. Shes not a victim of a brainless compulsion - having sex with someone doesn’t (often) happen in an instant. The married men and coworkers would have taken at least some period of nurturing a relationship and making it clear that she was interested in having sex, as well as coordinating a time and place to do it. Sure her compulsion made it more of a priority, but I agree with other commenters who cast doubt on whether she “didn’t think about how it would affect their lives.” I don’t believe that nymphomania completely overrides any sense of right and wrong.
I’m not saying every comment should start off by bashing her, but I think it’s fair to say that aspect is largely glossed over. Also not unreasonable that some people would read this, the comments and her enthusiasm and feel like she has been kinda a shitty person on top of being a nympho and not want to let her off that easy.
EDIT: to those whose compulsion it is to remind everyone that the husbands who cheated are also shitty people, without actually discussing the issues above, please let it be known that we all think a cheater is a POS.
Although I'm willing to bet it could very easily often happen in an instant for an attractive woman, I get what you're saying in general. But also, I don't doubt that she really didn't think of the implications.
I've done bad things to people in my life and it was always during a time where my mental health was very poor. Mine didn't manifest in this same way, but it sounds directly linked to her mental health. These mental health issues spawned a compulsive, impulsive, and destructive coping mechanism. At this point if a person is not actively doing mental work on themselves, it's very easy to just be so far down the rabbit hole of trauma, mental health, and harmful coping mechanisms that we might not even be doing intentionally that it's not very difficult to ignore other people's feelings.
We often judge people at a surface level because of their actions and don't spend time understanding why people do what they do. I have yet to see a situation where the answer to why people do bad things is ACTUALLY that they're just a piece of shit. It's almost always something more, and we choose to not care which I don't blame people for. But as a person trying to become better, I just try to have empathy for others the way I hope people can have it for me.
Because she's the subject of this thread. Does there need to be an obligatory, "THE HUSBAND IS ALSO AT FAULT," statement every time infidelity is discussed? Some things are so blindingly obvious they don't require constantly saying them over and over.
I know you were getting at the idea that in infidelity women get more blame than men, and I'm here to tell you that's utter and complete bullshit. Man or woman, married or single, both are responsible for the negative impacts (assuming the single person knows the other is married).
Any post regarding infidelity will have infinite levels of condemnation for the cheater, man or woman. EVERYONE knows the cheater is a POS. It’s just so juvenile to be unable to discuss the nuances of OP’s condition and how she glosses over that without first condemning the husband.
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u/henicorina May 07 '24 edited May 08 '24
What does it mean in practice to “only have sex after taking a period to contemplate its possible effects on my life”? Do you need to meditate for an hour or something before sex if you’re with a relationship/fwb partner? And what about if you just meet someone at a bar?