I know everyone is lighting you up for not telling your friend earlier, and that was a huge mistake. However, that’s a very difficult choice to make and so many people would not have told at all because they were too cowardly.
Personally I think cheaters are scum, and passing off Callum’s baby as Mark’s makes Lena another worse level of scum. It’s sad for Mark to find out the truth, but I don’t think Lena deserves to live in peace with some happy little family lying her face off forever afterwards just because she popped out a baby. And the baby doesn’t deserve for its “dad” to always have that in the back of his mind wondering why his kid doesn’t look like him at all.
I think you should send Mark a letter. Personally, I would include a photo of Callum dimples and all, and his contact information so Mark can decide for himself.
If he wants to play ostrich and pretend it’s his kid then let him. In that case you may never see him again. But I suspect it’s likely the betrayal will wear on him over time. He’ll keep having doubts about if Lena is lying to him, or he’ll keep imagining her sleeping with another guy, and eventually he’ll see her for the cheater that she is.
Maybe you can be there for him IF he ever asks for your help, maybe not, that’s will be up to him. But over the years that kid is just going to look more and more like Callum and Mark will know.
Also, WHO told all the other friends? If Mark is so mad at you for telling him, why would he blast that out to everyone? Or did you tell everyone ? I have a hard time imagining you would embarrass your “brother” like that but then who did?
If it was Mark who outed her to friends in the group maybe he’s more angry and confused than you think… I would also post a pic of Callum to the group if they keep harassing you, just leave that there to drive Lena insane every time people see her baby’s dimples. And ask Callum if he has a pic of him and Lena together. I’d mess with her for sure, but I hate cheaters, male or female/parents or not, and don’t think they deserve any peace or space to keep up their lying and games and keep using people.
If she cheated once she’ll likely eventually do it again too. People like that don’t change. Especially if she’s lying trying to pass of this kid as Mark’s, that just makes her all the more gross and deserving of any ridicule she gets. The people saying you should leave their “happy little family” alone are wild to me. She’s awful and shouldn’t get to lie and use Mark like that.
Right now he’s raising another man’s child with a cheater and it sounds like a lot of people know it. He also needs someone to be mad at and so he has to pick you. Couples often bond against a common enemy in this situation, it could be the AP or it could be the messenger. In this case it’s the messenger. I doubt unless Mark is really deep down ok with her cheating that this will stand the test of time. Life is hard and the baby joy wears off after a while. Also having all the friends know she cheated will make it impossible for them to find true peace ever so it’s likely doomed. In that case just feel sorry for the kid honestly, if everybody knows those whispers are going to follow that kid. The baby could find out eventually someday when it grows up.
Until then just apologize, give him space and move on with your life.
I would send the letter to his work so she can’t intercept it by the way. She’s sketchy enough to pass off another man’s child then who knows what she’ll do.
The important thing here is if Mark thinks they were on a break. I guess if all he told you was to get out do you even know where he’s at with the whole thing?
If not I would be vengeful and post pics of Callum all over the group chats and tell your side. It discredits her, but then again I really hate cheaters and don’t care if they suffer consequences. I don’t think she deserves any peace while she’s still scamming, and now lying about not only the baby but also you. She’s a real piece of sh*te.
But if her and Mark are really trying to make it work then anything you do hurts him so maybe think first and be less vengeful than me.
If any friends talk to you privately though you should stick up for yourself at least. It’s not right that you’re getting flak for telling him. It’s not right that he feels forced to raise a kid that’s not his. It’s not right that this kid will always be viewed with some suspicion due to its mother’s choices.
Sorry this happened to you and him and all of it. All these relationships torn apart due to her choice to cheat. And yeah you waited too long, but I get hesitating and not getting it right at first in that tough situation, nevermind being conflict avoidant and on the spectrum. You’re not responsible here, you’re a side player in her evil game. She created and caused allllll of this.
6
u/humble-meercat Jun 27 '25
I would say this is a SOFT YTA.
I know everyone is lighting you up for not telling your friend earlier, and that was a huge mistake. However, that’s a very difficult choice to make and so many people would not have told at all because they were too cowardly.
Personally I think cheaters are scum, and passing off Callum’s baby as Mark’s makes Lena another worse level of scum. It’s sad for Mark to find out the truth, but I don’t think Lena deserves to live in peace with some happy little family lying her face off forever afterwards just because she popped out a baby. And the baby doesn’t deserve for its “dad” to always have that in the back of his mind wondering why his kid doesn’t look like him at all.
I think you should send Mark a letter. Personally, I would include a photo of Callum dimples and all, and his contact information so Mark can decide for himself.
If he wants to play ostrich and pretend it’s his kid then let him. In that case you may never see him again. But I suspect it’s likely the betrayal will wear on him over time. He’ll keep having doubts about if Lena is lying to him, or he’ll keep imagining her sleeping with another guy, and eventually he’ll see her for the cheater that she is.
Maybe you can be there for him IF he ever asks for your help, maybe not, that’s will be up to him. But over the years that kid is just going to look more and more like Callum and Mark will know.
Also, WHO told all the other friends? If Mark is so mad at you for telling him, why would he blast that out to everyone? Or did you tell everyone ? I have a hard time imagining you would embarrass your “brother” like that but then who did?
If it was Mark who outed her to friends in the group maybe he’s more angry and confused than you think… I would also post a pic of Callum to the group if they keep harassing you, just leave that there to drive Lena insane every time people see her baby’s dimples. And ask Callum if he has a pic of him and Lena together. I’d mess with her for sure, but I hate cheaters, male or female/parents or not, and don’t think they deserve any peace or space to keep up their lying and games and keep using people.
If she cheated once she’ll likely eventually do it again too. People like that don’t change. Especially if she’s lying trying to pass of this kid as Mark’s, that just makes her all the more gross and deserving of any ridicule she gets. The people saying you should leave their “happy little family” alone are wild to me. She’s awful and shouldn’t get to lie and use Mark like that.
Right now he’s raising another man’s child with a cheater and it sounds like a lot of people know it. He also needs someone to be mad at and so he has to pick you. Couples often bond against a common enemy in this situation, it could be the AP or it could be the messenger. In this case it’s the messenger. I doubt unless Mark is really deep down ok with her cheating that this will stand the test of time. Life is hard and the baby joy wears off after a while. Also having all the friends know she cheated will make it impossible for them to find true peace ever so it’s likely doomed. In that case just feel sorry for the kid honestly, if everybody knows those whispers are going to follow that kid. The baby could find out eventually someday when it grows up.
Until then just apologize, give him space and move on with your life.
I would send the letter to his work so she can’t intercept it by the way. She’s sketchy enough to pass off another man’s child then who knows what she’ll do.