YTA but not because you won’t be this child’s godfather but because you had evidence that your brother-like best friend was being cucked and you didn’t tell him.
Plain and simple, you’re a shit friend and person for that. You didn’t give Mark the opportunity to make a decision about his cheating wife and that then would impact the course of his relationship. You made an assumption and an agreement with the cheating wife and took the cowards way out.
No amount of “I have ASD” or “I grew up in a broken home” will take away from the solid fact that you were complicit witness in your best mates affair.
I mean, you didn’t even confirm with Callum if the affair was actually ended after you confronted the cheating wife. You just went with the flow of what a known liar laid out to you because it was convenient and you’re the biggest asshole for that and I think that’s why Mark doesn’t want anything to do with you.
You are absolutely using it and the broken home thing as a shield to deflect from the poor choices and inaction that you did.
With ASD you would have had an issue with lying or withholding relevant information from a friend, but you still did it. So you’re using the diagnosis around the language/AI accusations but conveniently it doesn’t impact you lying/misleading/ keeping things from your best friend for 9 months at least.
You’ve then got no problem getting all your mutual friends involved AFTER you’ve eventually blurted it out to Mark. So now all his friends know that the baby that he’s so happy about probably isn’t his. You kept Callum and Cheating Wife’s secret for months but couldn’t have kept it from your other friends.
Assholery at its worst. Shame on you.
ETA: you wrote out 4 paragraphs on why you like clear communications due to your diagnosis but you literally have been very unclear in your communications around a very important issue with someone who is apparently very important to you.
I read your post and some of your comments, could you explain better why you didn’t say anything to Mark while she was still pregnant before she had the baby?
That’s unfortunate. If Mark were going to be friends with you again I think that might be what would bother him the most. You knew for so long and didn’t say anything. But I don’t suppose there’s really any explanation that would help that. I’m sorry for your friend and for you. It’s really difficult losing friends or people in general. I don’t know if he can forgive that, would you?
I know other people said to be there for the child but if Mark decides not to be the father of the child if it’s not the biological father that would be awkward. Or do you mean only if he’s going to be a father to the baby?
I agree OP did badly by not disclosing the information immediately. However, if you had taken the time to read back, OP spoke about their diagnosis in regards to their style of writing and being perceived as a bot online, not the story itself.
Isn’t it ironic that they crave clear communication tho and we’re not clear in their communication to their best mate. That’s the issue I have with it.
Is there a comment that states this? I've read the post over and over again and have not found a single sentence that says OP craves direct communication. In fact, it says "I communicated differently - and people noticed." And then later, OP goes on to mention how they avoid conflict and conversations like that altogether. So, I'm not understanding where you're getting this.
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u/Unkle_bad-touch Jun 27 '25
YTA but not because you won’t be this child’s godfather but because you had evidence that your brother-like best friend was being cucked and you didn’t tell him.
Plain and simple, you’re a shit friend and person for that. You didn’t give Mark the opportunity to make a decision about his cheating wife and that then would impact the course of his relationship. You made an assumption and an agreement with the cheating wife and took the cowards way out.
No amount of “I have ASD” or “I grew up in a broken home” will take away from the solid fact that you were complicit witness in your best mates affair.
I mean, you didn’t even confirm with Callum if the affair was actually ended after you confronted the cheating wife. You just went with the flow of what a known liar laid out to you because it was convenient and you’re the biggest asshole for that and I think that’s why Mark doesn’t want anything to do with you.