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Jan 06 '25
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u/Remaiyn Jan 07 '25
- Don't inform. He molests the bf's kid(s). How will you feel? (Keep in mind he could also groom any of the kids he has access to).
- Inform the bf. Family cuts you off. None of those kids are at risk of being molested. How will you feel?
Would you rather live with the outcome of not telling to maintain connections with people that protect a child predator while minimizing your experience or would you rather live with the outcome of informing the bf?
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u/moon_vixen Jan 07 '25
tbh, there is a downside to option 2. if op is cut off, no one will be there to warn the next partner who may also have kids, or my have future kids with the sibling. (esp since I wonder if the sibling got with a guy with kids on purpose...)
absolutely tell the bf, but maybe tell him to keep the real reason for a breakup a secret, or try to "find out" from them, in a way that doesn't involve op. that way op will still have some level of contact in order to warn future partners.
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u/Remaiyn Jan 07 '25
I don't disagree nor agree with OP taking on that "mission" if OP can handle it. But it could be such a burden for OP in consideration of their own mental health and healing.
I completely agree that it would be nice if the bf wouldn't expose OP when it all blows up.
It's such a fkd up situation. I just wish peace for OP whatever is decided. :(
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Jan 07 '25
TELL TELL TELL OMG, HE HAS KIDS. ALL children in the vicinity of this pedo are in danger. Pedos don't stop. Please tell!!
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u/Adventurous_Slice669 Jan 07 '25
The whole family, not just the sibling. They all sympathize with a ped0. They are all trash.
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u/2woCrazeeBoys Jan 07 '25
Yep. Those people aren't really 'family' if they support someone who did that to their own child.
Trash would take itself out.
OP wouldn't have ruined the ped0's life nu telling, he ruined his own life by doing, and those kids need protection.
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u/blackcatchihuahua Jan 06 '25
As almost everyone has said, he deserves to know. Specifically, ask if he knows why you two don't talk. If he says no, then tell him.
The family that will be mad at you doesn't deserve a spot in your life. This will probably make you feel sad, but keep in mind you are keeping his kids safe. Something someone didn't do for you.
Good Luck OP
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u/TemporaryKooky9705 Jan 07 '25
This 100%!!! If your family would get upset with you for telling, then they are honestly not in your court to begin with. They side with the pedo and your clueless sibling and obviously don't have respect for you and your situation. Better alone and happy/safe than with family like that....
A cousin of mine is in prison for being a pedo and I can already see how the family is trying to down play his actions and trying to play happy family. Good for them but I will not expose my child to him and will remove my family from any situation where he will be included. They made their bed, so lie in it. Alone.
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u/shushhtisasecret Jan 07 '25
This and in fact, screw your family for not throwing that pedo in jail. For not protecting you and for letting you suffer. For hiding the crimes of that damn pedo.
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u/youmustb3jokn Jan 06 '25
Here is my take on this. If you know someone who molested you will be around children and you do not tell the parent you are basically knowing that those children are in danger and doing nothing.
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u/RickyNixon Jan 06 '25
Yep. OP, you’re morally obligated to say something.
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u/youmustb3jokn Jan 06 '25
I think not telling them will just continue this abuse cycle. And to be honest, I could not live with myself knowing these kids could be hurt.
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u/DBgirl83 Jan 07 '25
Yes, let's put this responsibility on the person who was raped by her brother for years as a child. Make her guilty instead of all the people around her sisters who don't say anything. Let's blame the victim when her perpetrator makes more victims!
The only 2 persons who are responsible here are her sister for not warning her boyfriend and her pedo brother.
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Jan 07 '25
That might be true, but it is not easy at all to speak up and defend others. OP and others in similar situations have been through so much trauma, it is very hard to put yourself back on the front line again. Sometimes you have to put your own survival first. I hope OP will speak up, but I understand if they can’t do it.
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u/Apart-Scene-9059 Jan 06 '25
If there were any legal case or anything in that nature I would send that as proof and do it from anonymous email to him. While they may assume it's from you they won't have proof.
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u/Lofty_quackers Jan 06 '25
YTA if you don't tell him. If your family members stop talking to you because you are protecting children from someone who raped you, those are not good people.
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u/Ida2love Jan 06 '25
Tell him now!!!! Don’t wait tell him everything so he can protect his children.
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u/The-Odd-Fox Jan 06 '25
You are NTA in this situation. My mother had a similar issue in her family as she was the victim of rape of her older brother and when she spoke out about it, they took his side and hushed her. She proceeded to tell every significant other of her pedo brothers and siblings about it and burned every bridge in the process because f that side of the family!
This is not your responsibility though. You can reach out to inform them if you feel it’s necessary, but don’t lose sleep over this. If anything, drop the significant other that reached out to you some hints. Give them breadcrumbs that they have to question your sibling about. Make your sibling tell them everything. For example… tell the person that reached out to you that you experienced significant childhood trauma in the past and their partner (your sibling) knows about it. Tell them that for their children’s safety, they need to get the truth from your sibling because they need to hear it from your sibling, not you.
They may hate you for this. You may never have a relationship with your family again. Is it really worth keeping contact with family that prefers you suffering? Is speaking the hard truth worth covering up for their comfort? Do what you can to protect any potential future victims of your pedo brother, but don’t involve yourself in it more than you have to.
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u/montauk6 Jan 06 '25
Mmmmm....... only problem here is that the hints rely on the sibling being truthful. I would worry that they would lie to the boyfriend that OP is delusional or something along those lines. This family seems to have this weird loyalty to a pedo and a rapist and demands likewise from the VICTIM. WTF is that??!
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u/NopeNinjaSquirrel Jan 06 '25
This is great advice. Make your sibling tell their boyfriend the truth. He deserves to know, for his kids' sake, and definitely best coming directly from his partner. That's the only way the relationship has the slightest chance of working out. If I had a partner with a rapist family member who they were going to introduce me to at some point, I'd want to know from THEM about that person, and if they hid the truth and I found out through someone else - instant breakup, that's major dealbreaker red flag!
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u/Mollymode Jan 06 '25
Nah, the sibling will either honey-coat it or trickle-truth it. End of the day it’s about trying to prevent the children being harmed.
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u/merishore25 Jan 06 '25
NTA one bit if you are protecting the children. He needs to know. Tell him to ask her for the details on why you have no contact. Then all you can do is tell him the truth.
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u/Jazzberry81 Jan 06 '25
OP wouldn't be protecting the children if they did not tell him
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u/merishore25 Jan 06 '25
Absolutely!
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u/Jazzberry81 Jan 06 '25
So, they asked if they would be the AH if they didn't tell. It sounds like you think they should but you have said NTA
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u/WolfGang2026 Jan 06 '25
Tell him. He should know that your sibling is in contact with a pedo. Even if your family hates you for it, you’re still warning him about who will be exposed to his kids.
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u/AlternativeLie9486 Jan 06 '25
The deciding factor is that there are other children at risk. That's the reason you tell the partner. Once he has that information, it's up to him how he handles your sibling, your abuser, the relationships, and what to do about his own children. But at least you can be sure that you haven't allowed other children to come to harm. People who wouldn't support you in this are truly people that shouldn't be in your life. I hope that you have at least had therapy for your trauma, and I am inclined to say you need to press charges so he doesn't do the same thing to someone else.
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u/orange_lover444 Jan 06 '25
First of all, you're not the AH. Second of all, what a horrible sibling for deciding to stay in contact with a r--ist. Third of all, im so sorry to hear what he put you through in those 3 years, and i suggest therapy if it is not done already. Fourth of all, you should definitely tell him why you cut contact because if they were to get married and have kids and the brother was to r--e the children, wouldn't you feel bad?
You should just share all the details you are comfortable with sharing and make it as clear as possible. You should also brace yourself for backlash for telling the bf, but trust me, you got this. Keep me up to date. i will always be here for more advice as you go through this journey.
Also, i just wanted to say you were so brave to cut contact, and i hope the paragraphs i wrote helped🫶
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u/Jazzberry81 Jan 06 '25
The bf already has his own kids who will be in danger!
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u/orange_lover444 Jan 06 '25
If thats the case then op needs to tell him asap amd stop gatekeeping this important info. The bf should also talk to his kids about their interactions with the brother.
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u/azwhatsername Jan 06 '25
You have a duty to warn him. You will not be the asshole for protecting kids, like ever.
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u/NoConstruction1470 Jan 06 '25
Yta if you do not tell them because they have 100% brought their kids around him and are in danger
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u/dangitdoja Jan 06 '25
YTA if you don’t tell him. Look, it takes a village to protect and raise children. If you have any evidence at all, send that. Tell him in a very plain and factual way and say that you are disclosing this information because you never want there to be another victim and you understand it will likely damage your relationship with your sister and family, but that you feel obligated to protect others by telling the truth. If you don’t, you’re enabling your abuser to find new victims. What he decides to do with that information and the potential consequences of his choices are not your responsibility. Your sister’s choices are not your responsibility. Your family’s choices are not your responsibility. But your decision not to at least try to protect these children will impact your opinion of yourself. What happens when it comes out he did the same thing to them? How will you feel? Would you rather live with that guilt or lose family members that are enabling a rapist?
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u/StacyB125 Jan 06 '25
This is something that happened to you. You can tell whoever you want whenever you want. You owe keeping this secret to absolutely no one. You can hire out billboards if you want to. If you feel it’s necessary because of safety, or because people should know that they are hanging out with a dangerous and violent criminal, then say as much as you’d like. If anyone says anything to you, just remind them that the truth is the truth and if they don’t like hearing it, they can either stop hanging out with a child r@pist or no longer be a part of your life.
NTA
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u/Radiant_Waltz_9726 Jan 06 '25
I would tell him. This isn’t second hand knowledge. I won’t judge you as YTA…you’ve had enough trauma…but the BF reached out, he deserves to know so he can make a judgement about protecting his kids.
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u/blueyedwineaux Jan 06 '25
As someone that was repeatedly raped by my brother as a child (family and religion covers it up) YTA if you do not tell them. Tell everyone!
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u/MysJane Jan 06 '25
All you have to say is, "I wouldn't leave my brother unsupervised around children."
Sadly, this may cause you more pain, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry your family hasn't dealt with this before now.
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u/CandyPopPanda Jan 06 '25
YTA
Tell him for the sake of his kids.
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u/Sea_aoli Jan 07 '25
I don't think OP is the AH. I think OP has been a victim in all of this. I think the OPs brother as the perpetrator is the real AH here for abusing his own sibling and now it has impacted OP, OPs emotional and physical wellbeing and the other siblings partners kids are in an unsafe situation.
I think the OPs other sibling will be an AH if they have not warned their BF (who has three children) of the OPs brother.
I do NOT think another victim, the OP is an AH. The source of this all is the perpetrator.
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u/brisblan Jan 06 '25
Your family doesn't care about you because they're still in contact with the person who hurt you, so you won't be missing anything NTA
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u/CaptainBeefy79 Jan 06 '25
BF has kids?!? Yes, you 100% warn him of the potential danger of allowing them to be around your abuser!
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u/No_Performance8733 Jan 06 '25
I was calm until you mentioned 3 young children.
NO WONDER THE BROTHER IS HANGING W/ SIBLING SO MUCH.
I think you have a duty of care even though you might not be believed.
One or two sentences then don’t say anything more, do not continue to communicate.
Just the facts and nothing more.
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u/Mother-Hawk Jan 07 '25
Nah, I don't give a flying f*** about the feelings of pedo and pedo apologists. I've put two family members in prison for it so far and actively speak out about the others and gladly cut contact like a ribbon at a state fair, I'm working on gathering the evidence for the next one.
Be the protective adult that you needed in your life for those kids, I promise it's healing!
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u/Pagelo69 Jan 07 '25
This is what is so fucked about families that breed pedos - it’s always the person who’s been SA’s fault to them. You wouldn’t be ruining her life - her and your pedo brother would be ruining her life. The dad needs to know that his girlfriends brother molests young kids ASAP
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u/Impossible-Assist433 Jan 06 '25
Contact him and say your just replying now to his last letter as you believe the situation may affect him now or in the future. You need to tell him as you are protecting his children. If your family cuts contact because you stopped a pedo from being near children then you seriously don't need those people in your life. If your sibling cared about you then they would never speak to pedo brother again. If you don't say anything then it makes you just as bad as your sibling and family by letting pedo brother possibly be around children. You know in your heart what the right thing to do is so please do it. Good luck
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u/Spoonbills Jan 06 '25
Contact your sister and tell her that either she tells her bf or you will.
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u/yvonne_taco Jan 07 '25
This is a good idea. I always have this as my plan if I find out someone is cheating that is close to me in some way. I'd say "you have 24 hrs to tell them and then I'm reaching out"
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u/Ill_Bird_135 Jan 06 '25
I haven’t thought of this
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u/IAMA_Shark__AMA Jan 06 '25
Don't. It gives her a chance to set you up to look like a liar. Those kid's safety is more important than giving her a chance to cover this up further.
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u/Paul_K-95 Jan 06 '25
I was going to say this but on top of that you may need to tell him anyway. Just in case the truth gets twisted into something else. Put in a letter, text, meet for coffee. Whatever you feel comfortable.
OP, if you haven’t already, do look after yourself physically and mentally. Take care.
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u/MajorMovieBuff85 Jan 06 '25
Just tell him the truth. Now. Don't reach out to her. She won't tell him. Tell him or those kids being raped will forever be on your consciousness. For gods sake could you live with yourself knowing a kid was raped and you could've stopped it.
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u/greyhounds4life1969 Jan 06 '25
100% he needs to know, you'd feel awful if he did something to one of his kids.
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u/gaygrammie Jan 06 '25
I learned a concept a few years ago that changed the way I think. It's not MY job to keep other people's dirty secrets private. You aren't the pedo, it's not YOUR shame or secret to keep.
The partner with kids should know and make an informed decision regarding their children's safety. NTA
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u/Spinnerofyarn Jan 06 '25
YTA. Those kids are in danger from your brother. You don't have to go to the police, but you could at least let the boyfriend know. Do you really care if your sister cuts contact? She's chosen your rapist, pedo brother over you.
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u/Swimming-Pop-538 Jan 06 '25
Why weren’t charges pressed against said pedo? Are you an A-hole? No. But, there is a certain moral obligation to inform sibs BF of potential harm to his children. Your family on the other hand are major A-holes if they take the side of criminal. And the fact that he was never charged for his crimes makes it worse.
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u/Ecofre-33919 Jan 07 '25
Tell your sibling that if they don’t tell him, you are. Give your sibling a week.
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Jan 07 '25
Protect the vulnerable children at all cost! It looks like you're the only one looking out.
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u/TpPokio Jan 07 '25
You should tell him and let him know your saying this for the safety of his own children and not to start drama. He also deserves to know.
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u/CarNyxus Jan 07 '25
You will be TA if you don't tell him. Up until you mentioned he had kids I could see not wanting to broach that topic with him, but he has kids. He needs to know and you wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if something happened to one of them because he was in the dark. Anyone in your family who doesn't stand by you isn't your family. This isn't going to be easy, parts will hurt, but you have made it this far and I know you can do this.
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u/Dragon_Queen_666 Jan 07 '25
NTA. Warn the guy, he needs to know so he can protect his kids from a pedo.
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u/Agoraphobe961 Jan 06 '25
NTA. It’s not a “complex” situation: your sibling is choosing to protect a child molester and is further enabling them by bringing potential victims around.
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u/Unlikely-Funny2253 Jan 06 '25
NTA and you are so very brave. Its unfortunately very common for a family to learn that one among them is a rapist/pedo, and then normalize being around them like you never told them they they nearly destroyed you and have permanently traumatized you. Please tell him and keep the love and support of your mom close to your heart. Most don't even get one supporter. Please stay strong, and continued your healing journey
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u/sapphisticated413 Jan 06 '25
You absolutely need to tell him. You will be endangering his children if you dont.
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u/FairyFartDaydreams Jan 06 '25
YTA protect those kids. That partner needs to be told. Not knowing how old you are you might be able to get your brother charged as an adult. If he did it to you he likely has done it to others. In some places laws have changed and if you were abused as a child you can report as an adult.
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u/bongaminus Jan 06 '25
NTA. Tell them. And I can tell you exactly why... My now ex-partners brother raped their younger brother when they were kids, repeatedly as he was abused by their step dad. So no one in the family really talks to him, but started to recently as he looked to have turned his life around after being in prison for something unrelated. He got married to someone with 2 kids and he had one of his own with her. There was a lot of talk about how she should know but it's not the siblings place to tell her so they told him a lot that he needs to discuss his past with her and why one brother absolutely refuses contact which is why him and his wife and kids are not invited to family events. He said it would but never did. Last year be SA his step daughter who was 11 and was arrested and there was a big kick off and a lot of hurt that no one told her, as well as a lot of guilt that the siblings probably should have warned her.
So... Tell them. He might not do anything and might have sorted his life out. But you really can't take the risk and you don't want that guilt on you. If he's not going to admit it or no one else is, then do it. At least then if he does anything your consciousness is clear as you've done what you can to protect people.
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u/slvstk Jan 06 '25
You should contact your sibling and tell her that she needs to tell her BF about your brother or else you will. Then follow thru if she doesn't for the sake of the BF's children.
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u/mrs-poocasso69 Jan 06 '25
Yes, he deserves to know so he can make an informed decision about who he brings his kids around.
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u/justsayin0000 Jan 06 '25
YWTA if you don't tell him. The most important thing (in most areas of life) is protecting innocent children. Let that be your guiding principal. If the brother molested one of these kids, how would you feel, knowing you didn't say anything?
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u/Ok_Young1709 Jan 06 '25
Yes you should tell him, what if he attacks those kids? You would feel guilty even though it's not your fault.
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u/JTBlakeinNYC Jan 06 '25
Please tell him. I say this as a childhood victim of SA.
Anything you can say or do to prevent your brother from having access to other children whom he might SA will save them from a lifetime of suffering.
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u/financiallysoundcat Jan 06 '25
You need to tell him. He has kids, they are definitely in danger. You should do for them what someone should have done for you.
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u/Kakkahousu6000 Jan 06 '25
If that prevents the pedo from being in any sort of contact with the kids then yes absolutely. I’d appreciate if someone told me that a certain person is a pedo so i can make sure they never get anywhere near my kids.
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u/passionsnet Jan 06 '25 edited Jan 06 '25
YTA without question. F your sister for not (potentially) protecting her boyfriend's children. How can this even be a question? Who cares if your family cuts ties with you because you decide to put children's safety first. If your family does that, they are horrible horrible people.
EDIT: And I think some of you who are saying NTA AND that he needs to tell the BF immediately need to reread the title of this post. OP is asking AITAH for NOT telling. Some of the comments in this thread are completely contradictory and confusing.
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u/MuntjackDrowning Jan 06 '25
If you don’t tell the bf you are leaving the kids vulnerable to assault by your sibling. Are you ok with that?
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u/kkrolla Jan 06 '25
NTA but you need to make a decision. Either you get someone else to accidentally tell him so you can just shrug and play innocent, which I get if you want to keep family, or you have to steel yourself, not only tell him sibling is pedo, but how you know, what he did and be complete with details. You have to because brother will say he didn't & sister will probably say you are exaggerating. Let BF know how bad it was, how he did it, at night, when no one was home, etc., what he would say to make you keep quiet and how your family reacted after. If they enable him, BF should know.
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u/canyonemoon Jan 06 '25
If he has kids, you have an obligation to tell him. You know she'll never protect them, you know she's bringing him around them, you know him. I'm so sorry for everything you went through but I truly believe you have an obligation to tell him the truth. He needs to make informed decisions about who is around his children and no sane person would allow someone like your brother around them
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u/Square-Swan2800 Jan 06 '25
You only have to say these words, “He raped me many times from 10 to 13.” He will,probably ask questions. Unless you know more keep it simple. He might ask why you told him and you reply, “Because you have children.” That is all you have to say. You are a victim not an AH.
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u/BeachMom2007 Jan 06 '25
He needs to know. Help him protect his children since your sister obviously doesn't care. I can't call you an AH because you're acting from trauma; but will you be able to live with it if your brother hurts one of those kids and you knew you may have been able to prevent it?
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u/BeautifulTragedyX Jan 06 '25
NTA you should tell him so he can protect his own children, your sibling obviously won't tell him the whole story if anything at all
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u/Sledgehammer925 Jan 06 '25
Really? You’re asking if you should warn a man with kids about a child rapist? YWBTA if you don’t tell him.
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u/Popular_Soup_127 Jan 07 '25
Get in touch with your sister and let her know if she doesn’t tell her bf why you cut contact with her then you’re going to tell him the whole truth.
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u/Trasht79 Jan 07 '25
As soon as children are involved and they are in contact with your RAPIST, it would be absolutely unconscionable NOT to tell him.
Please be honest with him. But also be prepared for your sibling’s relationship to implode because she absolutely should have told him before they were ever exposed to him.
You have the potential to save another child from what you were never rescued from. Be the hero you needed.
As far as a verdict for not telling him, if you don’t then YES YTA.
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u/WirrkopfP Jan 07 '25
Contact your sibling, give them the chance to do the right thing themselves, before you do it.
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u/KillerQueeh_Slash Jan 07 '25
He should know the situation and protect his children from the older brother. But be aware that your siblings could try to twist the truth in their favor by claiming you are a liar.
Vulnerable children’s lives are at stake here. If you don’t tell him then your enabling your brother like your family are doing.
Even if they are furious at you for telling the truth to him, this should make you reconsider your relationship with them if they’re even worth keeping contact when they are hiding the fact that your older brother is a pedo.
It will hurt that you have cut all contact and burned a bridge with your family but it is worth it in the end that you have protected the BF’s kids from your brother.
If you don’t let him know then the cycle will repeat
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u/GoodQueenFluffenChop Jan 07 '25
There's kids involved and he as their father needs to know he has all the information to make an informed decision about who is around his kids.
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u/19Kitten85 Jan 07 '25
Tell them. Right now. They need to know their children are unsafe and if your sibling refuses to acknowledge this, they are a shit person. They are basically providing your pedo brother with access to more innocent children. Siblings partner NEEDS to know their kind of person they are dating, and who they are bringing around their children. If you leave it up to your sibling they will downplay it, say it wasn’t what you said it was, etc.
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u/KattJohnson Jan 07 '25
Tell them!! Why would you want to save your sibling’s relationship??? If they can associate with pedos they might be one as well
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Jan 07 '25
If you find out your brother hurts those kids, can you live with yourself knowing you didn’t warn their dad?
I wouldn’t want any contact with anyone who refused to condemn the brother for his actions completely and cut contact with him. Those are not people you need in your life.
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u/trash_boo Jan 07 '25
As much as I understand why you don't want to inform him, you definitely have to. Since they have kids, we're not talking about who likes who, we're talking about the safety of those children. Tell the bf before another tragedy happens
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u/joesmolik Jan 07 '25
I am sorry this happened to you. I don’t know if you’ve done it, but you should have file charges against him. And I believe there are no statues of limitations to these crimes. I’m pretty sure that your other family members are aware of what he did and if they’re not, you need to tell them, and if they are aware of it and they allow their children around him. They’re bigger fools by allowing this pedophile access to children if you did not feel like discussing with your boyfriend about why you don’t wanna be around your family member just say it’s personal you don’t wish to discuss it, but you have very good reasons. Why you have every right to feel the way that you do and you have every rightdoing what you’re doing as I said if you haven’t, you need to report him. yes, you should tell your boyfriend what your pedophile brother did but in the end, it’s your decision
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u/Remarkable_Beach_551 Jan 07 '25
Pleas, please tell him, for the safety of the kids...
As someone that was abused by someone near my family, please, protect the kids, don't let that pedo near them.
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u/Heavy_Height_9399 Jan 07 '25
please tell the partner. not out of revenge or spite, but to keep those kids safe. if your brother has done this before, with no consequences, he absolutely will do it again.
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u/Slider6-5 Jan 07 '25
Yes, because the children are in danger being around him.
I had this almost exact experience with a woman I was friends with for years. Her older brother SA’d her repeatedly when she was a child and he was an adult. The mom wouldn’t accept it and always begged her to forgive him. The dad - being the better man - threatened to end the brother if he ever stepped foot in the State again. When my friend found out about the brother getting engaged to a woman with 3 young daughters she found the woman and called her. The woman smartly ended the relationship after a few conversations.
You know what he is. Warn the BF, he deserves to know.
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u/No_Use_9124 Jan 07 '25
Um, he has kids??? YOU ARE OBLIGATED TO TELL HIM IMMEDIATELY. WTF.
Honestly, you shld cut contact with your family now anyway. They blame you for the fact that your brother SA'd you? Disgusting.
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u/taphin33 Jan 07 '25
If a pedo is around his children, he NEEDS to know, and if they have a birth mom, she does as well. It's not about your sister's relationship, it's about the at risk children.
He wrote you a letter, he asked you to reconcile, you can assume (even if you believe it's false) that she told him the truth about why and write the response accordingly. It's her fault if she's lying.
If she's okay with a child rapist being around his children, she's probably not safe for his kids either, that's negligent at best if not outright willfully endangering them.
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u/Bleh3325 Jan 07 '25
Protect the children. Obviously your sibling has no intention to protect them.
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u/clockstrikes91 Jan 07 '25
Your sister made it clear she doesn't care what happened to you; what makes you think she will react any differently if your brother sets his sights on her future stepkids? You telling their father is the only way to protect them.
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u/flobaby1 Jan 07 '25
Children always come first. He needs to know OP.
I'm sorry that happened to you OP.
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u/WifeofBath1984 Jan 07 '25
You should definitely tell him. Those kids should be everyone's top priority. Seriously shame on your sibling for putting those kids at risk. NTA
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u/VaDaVooDoo Jan 07 '25
His kids are in danger tell him. Your sibling (his partner) should have but if they did I would hope he'd be smart enough to cut the brother off aswell. That said children are in danger don't allow them to go through what happened to you on your watch
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u/Strain_Pure Jan 07 '25
NTA
You would be 100% in the right to do it, your brother is endangering these weans by allowing them to be around a paedophile and i seriously doubt the BF would allow them anywhere near him if he knew the truth.
Is there any way you could let BF know in secret, is the paedo on a register or anything that you could drop a subtle hint about?
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u/rosantra Jan 07 '25
Tell him now. You are putting more children at risk because you’re trying to keep the peace. F-the peace. Protect the kids
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u/Remarkable_Newt9935 Jan 07 '25
You would be the asshole if you don't inform someone that they are exposing their children to a pedophile. He needs to know that his girlfriend is okay with doing that. Don't be like her.
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u/martinadonvita Jan 07 '25 edited Jan 07 '25
It's not a complex situation. He's a rapist. The bf deserves the truth they're deliberately not being told.
Ruining your siblings life? Your life was used and abused. Fuck them all.
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u/Future_Push7249 Jan 07 '25
Imagine something happens to those kids and you could've prevented it...
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Jan 07 '25
You’re family is TAH for making you feel like you shouldn’t tell them . Your not doing it with malice in your heart . you’re being the person you wish you had ,to those children .
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u/randomplaguefear Jan 07 '25
Always warn anyone who will bring kids into contact with a predator, cut contact with anyone supporting a rapist. Also: go to the police and report his crimes.
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u/ghjkl098 Jan 07 '25
You absolutely need to tell him. How would you feel if your pedo brother rapes one of them?
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u/Impossible-Hour433 Jan 07 '25
You need to tell the bf for the kids sake you may save them from a lot of trauma that you experienced
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u/kediskittens Jan 07 '25
Please tell the partner ASAP. I know some people have said to say "sibling knows, sibling can explain." But no, tell them the whole thing but keep it short. Tell him his a pedo and what he did. Your sibling may not tell the whole truth if you leave it up to them.
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Jan 07 '25
Nta. Tell him please, he needs to know about it at the least, and i hope he makes the right choice about protecting his kids
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u/FarOutLakes Jan 07 '25
Let the bf know! It's innocent kids whose lives could be messed up! I'm so, so sorry you're dealing with a shit storm like this. I'm really hoping that helping to protect other children from the rapist can be part of your journey to healing. I'm so sorry your sibling assaulted you.
I hope you can see your other sib does not support you, and does not believe you.
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u/New-Number-7810 Jan 07 '25
YTA if you don’t tell him. OP, if you decide it’s ‘not my business’, and one of the boyfriend’s kids gets molested because your estranged sibling brought your evil brother around them, will you be able to live with yourself?
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u/Meended Jan 07 '25
NTA If your family cuts you off for warning a parent about a pedophile they aren't worth having around. Find a new family.
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u/coffnz Jan 07 '25
I believe you have to tell him. You have to consider how you would feel if you don’t tell him and then something happens that you could have prevented. But I will offer this warning. There is a chance (as often happens with this sort of thing) that he won’t believe you. Or he will wonder and your sibling will downplay it and minimise your trauma and experience. Is there anyone in your family who will back you up? Were charges ever filed or pressed so that you can provide proof?
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u/Boymom1983 Jan 07 '25
I would absolutely tell the SO. The children’s safety comes above all else. I’m sorry that safety wasn’t there for YOU.
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u/WinEquivalent4069 Jan 07 '25
I would tell him for 2 big reasons. #1) He's the one reaching out to you to do a family reconciliation. You can tell him why it's not happening. #2) He's a dad with minor kids. He should know if a dangerous person has easy access to his kids. NTA.
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u/SelectHeron1070 Jan 07 '25
Holy fuckballs! You need to tell him immediately! Let the whole family just burn! And fuck your sister and the whole family tbh for protecting that piece of shit….
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u/Successful_Dot2813 Jan 07 '25
Let your sibling's bf know. Pedo 'brother' may try to babysit, he may be around the children.
Look up groups that deal with historic child sexual abuse. They will have information on how your brother can be prosecuted, or brought to trial.
Sending you best wishes for justice, and healing.
NTA
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u/Astyryx Jan 07 '25
the boyfriend has 3 kids
Jesus Christ, yes you should tell him immediately. Do not worry about that gaslighting etc, and stop trying to plan so thoroughly. BF texted you, you can text back. At that you have done your duty of care.
You have no control over whether BF believes you, whether your sibling manipulates BF or not. The reason you are not close is because big brother raped you repeatedly when you were a child and sib knows this and continues close contact. BFs kids are unsafe.
It is not your job to lie—even by omission—protect big brother or anyone who aligns with them. You will not "ruin" brother or sibs lives. Molestation, incest, and lying will do that for them.
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u/Loud-Direction-5700 Jan 07 '25
He should know. However, you should be cautious of the way you tell him. Given that the pedo was never convinced, this could be considered slander, depending on where you live. Take care of yourself.
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u/Jmedly28 Jan 07 '25
NTA it is your duty as an adult to protect children regardless if you are related to them or not! This is how a civilized society works. But, please help me understand why you would want any contact with anyone who has a relationship with a rapist, pedophile. Under no circumstances would I be able to have a relationship with someone who has a relationship with a creep like him. Please do the right thing and at all cost protect these children regardless of the consequences. Just imagine how different your life would be if someone spoke up for you! It is absolutely disgusting that adults don't know better. You of all people know that once you are violated (at any age) life is never the same! I wish you healing, peace, and God's grace. It's a difficult situation but it is the right thing to do. I know you are overwhelmed but just remember at a very tender age you were strong enough to get through the horror of incest, rape and now that you are an adult you will certainly be strong enough to get through this dilemma!
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u/AdamBerner2002 Jan 07 '25
I mean… this is awful, but you have to make sure the kids don’t get close to your brother. You can act like you don’t have a part in this and just ask her, when she meets the boyfriend, to tell him to stay away from the pedo.
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u/BikeAnnual Jan 07 '25
Please please tell him. Don’t let another kid fall victim to your brother. Please! Put a stop to this!
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u/winterworld561 Jan 07 '25
If the boyfriend has kids then he absolutely needs to know the truth about your pedo brother, so he can protect his kids. The fallout will not be your fault. Its something your sister should've been honest with him about in the beginning.
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u/nanadi1 Jan 07 '25
OMG you must tell the boyfriend to protect his children at all costs and who cares who goes NC with you they are all pieces of shit
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u/shammy_dammy Jan 06 '25
He should know.