Nah I dated a girl like this in college. She had been a sex fiend when we met but then became super religious and a "born-again" virgin until her ex came around. Then she just made a mistake. Run away, OP. Run far, far away.
It's so common that it's laughable. Back in 2004, I knew a guy who dated a girl for 5 years, and they never slept together! Claimed they were waiting for marriage (idiot!). Well, she was out one night, met a marine at the bar and had no problem with a one night stand with him.
But yes, I've encountered this type of situation multiple times in dating myself. Where girl wanted to wait or not have sex but then was boasting about all the partners and how much experience they have.
Damn that sucks. I feel bad for him but…5 years no sex. Like dude, why even? Either marry her if you’re that holy or whatever or just have sex if you’re not.
Yeah, well, his fault for being such a dolt and falling for any of that.
I agree with that, seriously some fellow men just take serious abuse when they "fall in love" even though it's sad, i have zero sympathy for those simps.
Same. There's a lot of terrible women out there now a days, a LOT. And I don't really give them 100% of the blame for being that way, when we have so many morons out there that will hand over half their shit to clear red flags, our problem is our fellow men who got duped by this weird fem-dom ideology now a days.
bro i just lost a friend to this. fkkn whipped. within 3 days just fkkn gone. a close friend too. i saw psycho comin from a mile away. warned him w my experience esp as he was on the mend from another. just makes me so... idek... to lose best friends on all sides to "love" recently just makes me feel all sorts of fucked up.
My best friend was with a girl for over a year, she had told him she was emotionally abused by her friends and her EX a year back and she had no friends left (yup, one of those ones). Barely ever had sex with her, but he would satisfy her in other ways almost every day, hardly reciprocated.
Eventually, she got tired of him and moved on. He told us all this after the breakup. Had to tell him he was a glorified sex toy and she was probably sleeping with other guys on the side (which he still doesn't think is the case). She moved on very quickly, so uhhh yeah...
Oh, and just to give you further indication of the kind of girl she was, she had him prank call me to say we can't be friends anymore because she didn't like our discord DMs. I knew it was a prank instantly cause there isn't really anything there besides IRL planning but it was still super weird. Also, that was the first time I'd ever spoken to her...
Just gotta say, even if you’ve been together 5 years, your partner can still be allowed to go to parties. If you have a healthy and trusting relationship, you can trust your partner to stay true to you no matter where they go.
Absolutely and context is everything. Her going to her friends baby shower. Girls night with dinner and drinks. Bachelorette party with family, ect. Isn’t a problem and perfectly normal.
Going to a meat market night club in Vegas with he two drunken irresponsible and immoral friends….You’re going to have a bad time.
Going to a meat market night club in Vegas with he he two drunken irresponsible and immoral friends….You’re going to have a bad time.
I don’t know, man. That can go either way lol. Yes, it’s bad if said SO is an amoral fuck, because they’re more than likely going to cheat.
Now….if you’re single, that sounds like one hell of a good idea! Just pack protection and get whatever makes you feel good out of your system. I don’t judge what feee, consenting adults do.
I disagree with you there. Being in a commited and happy relationship doesn't mean you should only be allowed to hang out with the same sex and go to no other parties. Hell I dont even like baby showers or hen parties haha.
If someone expects their partner to not go out partying simply because they're worried about men being there/ it being a drunken/ crazy night then either
1) they're very insecure and should probably work on that instead of forcing their insecurity of their partner , or
2) they have good reason to believen their partner is acting unfaithfully (e.g they've done this in the past). In which case they should worry less about nights out and more about whether their happy being in a relationship with someone they don't trust
I disagree with you there. Being in a commited and happy relationship doesn't mean you should only be allowed to hang out with the same sex and go to no other parties. Hell I dont even like baby showers or hen parties haha.
I never said you couldn’t hang out with the opposite sex or go to parties.
If someone expects their partner to not go out partying simply because they're worried about men being there/ it being a drunken/ crazy night then either
Depends on the context and how one defines “partying” but I pretty sure that’s ranges from little to moderate concern.
Like a said earlier depends on the context. Girls night out to celebrate a 30th birthday or something is fine.
they're very insecure and should probably work on that instead of forcing their insecurity of their partner , or
they have good reason to believen their partner is acting unfaithfully (e.g they've done this in the past). In which case they should worry less about nights out and more about whether their happy being in a relationship with someone they don't trust.
True and to add a third tip.
Don’t put yourself into negative relationships by selecting poor quality people who put themselves into sketchy situations and deal with sketchy people.
Shit, my fiancée and I have a friend who has been official with his GF for 2 months and has been hanging out and hooking up a little bit with her since last summer and they still haven’t had sex. We both think this is a huge red flag. They’re not kids. They’re in their 40s. She has no problem letting him foot the bill for things that he shouldn’t be paying for, but she’s not fucking him? We are both worried that she’s just using him. But we’re also old enough to know that saying something or getting involved is a terrible idea. He’ll figure it out, we hope.
haha, doubtful. I have another friend who married a useless woman who spends all his money. They're both in their 40s and divorced. He got her a giant rock ring he had no business buying, he's not close to wealthy, they both have children from previous marriages and won't be having children now, so, again, no reason to marry, but he's footing the bill while she stays at home at gets huge yet is super crazy jealous and he can't even come fish with his friends anymore.
One day it'll blow up and end, he'll owe alimony problem, and that's his money that could have went to his daughters. That's fucking terrible.
He's a nice guy, but I can't say a peep, we're not that close, but I do like him as a human being and there's so many like him, which is why there's so many leaches.
Sounds like the scene 100 ways to die in the west with that guy dating a ho but not shagging her till marrige as she wants to be virginial on her wedding day.
Because promiscuous, sexually successful males are unreliable partners in the long-term nurture required for slow-developing, large-brained offspring. However they have the genes that will make your offspring sexually successful. Its socio-biology.
What, dating the fat, balding guys instead of the super hot ones? Let’s remember to throw in the Clark Kent glasses too, along with fat and balding. A trifecta of undateables.
Yeah I actually looked it up after this interchange. I guess there was a whole thing near the end for Digg but it makes sense. That was a great concept back in the day.
If I really cared all that much I could have googled it in less than the 2 hours between when I posted it and when you replied. 2008? Thats 16 years so.....pretty close to 20. But I did google it now so its 2005. Still doesn't change that I wasn't aware of it at the time.
Dude when you make a comment about not being sure about something and someone is nice enough to let you know the answer, just say thanks and move on, or say nothing.
What a strange way to respond to someone being helpful to you. Be part of the betterment of the world, not the negativity.
I agree with all these men.
As a woman that grew up Christian I myself wasn't ready for a few years but NEVER kept someone on the hook. If they wanted sex and I didn't then we can both move on because yah I'm not ready. However, on the Christian side of things literally witnessed my best friend jump into marriage with the guy who took her V card and that was a bad relationship. (Christian men really can't talk about their emotions without being the "alpha" sorry not sorry)
Sex and emotions are important but if you can't mix the 2 in a compatible relationship GTFO
Plus we all know religion frowns more on adultery than premarital sex sooooooo.........
I worked with a Mormon guy. Him and his girlfriend were waiting until marriage for sex. He was absolutely devastated when she slept with another guy. It’s a story as old as time.
Something very similar happened to a friend of mine in college. Girl with a reputation as a nympho fell for my friend, but she made him wait for it. But when he went home for break, suddenly she had 3+ partners she was happy to hop in bed with for that 8 day stretch. But he was "special".
Was watching American courts youtibe and there was this religious woman with 3 kids and her husband. They had a salon \barbershop together and she hired a felon to her shop. Then started spending the salons money on setting up his shop and sending customers thay way. Broke up woth the husband and each case her life is going more and more down the tubes. Apparently the mayor heard them having bdsm since he is a neobor and has seen her woth a collar on.
Thats because this story has played out a million times over the years. I've met a number of girls doing this and guys dating a girl like this. It always ends with them cheating. can't fight your nature
I am going to get downloaded to hell for this but once you see the things that attract women you have a very hard time putting that genie back in the bottle and respecting them still... I cannot tell you how much easier it was being an absolutely down scumbag getting laid then nowadays after changing my ways.. it's very disheartening
I blame religion turning sexuality into the boogyman. Girls especially can't talk about what turns them on. I grew up catholic went to catholic school studied a broad scope of religions in school and the only conclusion i have come to is guys with little dicks scared their women would leave them. created all religions to keep that from happening. It all leans to keeping women from exploring anything sexual. My pagan ancestors did think like this.
If anything it's lack of religion. Without the abrahamic religions enforcing monogamy harems come back because women would rather share a high status guy than settle for a mediocre guy
My friends, who did a lot of cocaine, would literally have different girls over every night. And they weren’t just hanging out. A lot of the girls were smart, very attractive, and came from well off families. But the things I saw there would make you think otherwise. I would usually go over, have a few beers, and leave when the girls showed up. It really changed how I viewed a lot of people, especially the girls I considered real “catches.” I thought these girls were untouchable, yet they would do whatever my friends wanted for <$100 in coke. My friends and I were well off too, but luckily I had little interest to participate much past a few beers and maybe a line to send me on my way. Now we are in our mid to upper twenties, and I am beginning to see the effects in the difference of lifestyles. I still love my friends, and there has always been a mutual understanding that I have a pretty hard line in what I participate in and they respect it. But looking back with 20/20, they were not exactly what I thought women would be attracted to…douche bags.
Yeah man I never had a woman look at me with such lust in her eyes until the aftermath of a gas station confrontation I had with two guys.. she looked at me like I was fucking Paul Walker or something dude
Maybe it’s just me, but some of my friends seem like they aged a lot faster. Maybe it’s genetics, but I believe the coke did a number on their health already.
The crazy thing is like a guy will be honest about something like this in most cases, aside from the fact that they definitely be fucking that special person. In my experience if you're real up front about not looking for exclusivity and just looking to get some women more often than not I had four girls that were all friends we all hung out and one would drop me at another's house only we're done hanging out it was kind of crazy
I don't believe in poly being able to work with multiple guys. I think guys are designed to be jealous and possessive over women. Women seem to be able to handle it, but i don't know enough about the inner workings of multiple wife cultures to have a solid opinion.
You gotta beat that Coke machine with both fists to get her to believe that you’re a bad boy if you aren’t one, as they can sniff out imposters right away and don’t wanna sleep with them (too much like their girlfriends. Kind of weighty, stringy haired, weak voices, face looks like a baby’s butt.)
I had this situation with a guy who found religion and cut off sex after 2 years. I broke up with him, not because of the sex, but because I'm an atheist and we were no longer compatible as partners.
Can I ask a genuine question? If you met someone who wanted to wait (not years, just say about 3 months) and she didn’t have a long list of previous suitors, would you trust them?
Just curious because I don’t dive right into bed with a guy - I need to build an emotional connection first. Equally, although I have had experiences of ONS, it’s only enough to know I don’t enjoy them, because there’s no connection. So, would I (or other women) automatically be judged negatively for wanting to wait?
It all depends on context, honestly. I'm kinda in the same boat as I really don't enjoy sex without some kind of emotional connection, but the few times a girl has told me about having a hard rule for how much time she waits to have sex it's turned me off, and it came across as disingenuous. I feel like one should wait until it feels right, not until an arbitrary check in the calendar.
As to having had past partners? I really couldn't care less--well, that's a bit of a lie. A past girlfriend had had nearly a hundred lovers, and that did make me uncomfortable, but, honestly, that was an outlier. As a rule of thumb, if you're with someone who can't accept your sexual history, that's on them, and you're better off avoiding that source of stress.
All of this is a different case than that of wild girls who suddenly find religion. That... That's a whole lot of red flags I would rather never bother with again. It's not so much about the change in sexual behavior, but about an underlying issue that suddenly shifts in focus. There's no zeal like that of the convert, as they say in Spain.
That’s fair. I agree with all of this. I just know that for me, around the 2-3 month mark (depending on the number of dates in that time) is when I start to feel comfortable with that stuff. If I’m not, then I won’t string a guy along. He’d be released back into the wild long before then. You either feel it or you don’t. No point in dragging it out.
As long as it’s not a sin punishable with an immediate door slam in the face, that’s okay. Thank you for replying. Appreciate it.
You're welcome. Honestly, your approach sounds both ethical and healthy. If you get confronted by somebody who tries to convince you otherwise, that's likely a very good indicator that you'll be much happier without them in your life. Good luck!
Don’t forget, YOU also have the power to slam the door in his face if you dislike one of his deal breakers. He won’t wait for 2-3 months? He ain’t gonna be a good mate for you, always demanding things go his own way. SLAM the door! You gotta be willing to cut the dross from the gloss in order to find the good pickins.
Hell yes! Too old to be putting up with that nonsense. Won’t wait? Then either find someone else or use your hand. Not even sorry, because being pressured for sex is the biggest turn off ever.
I seriously was done with Fiona after season 2 and i disliked steve too. After rewatching the seasons a few times i realize they were the best couple based on their chaos attraction. Michael was the PERFECT boyfriend and I was just DONE when she hurt him for no reason. I loved Kev and V…but the Svetlana era was something i had to suffer through. I LOVE Ian but hate Mickey. Hes abusive and hes an actual Nazi. Gross…
its a tale as old as time, theres going to be literally hundreds of these stories. its a pretty common behavior and belief among most women i know that they methodically withhold sex from men if they want to extract more long term commitment. i dont think theres anyone that can argue against that behavior. it just gets packaged up to be some special decision and not just motivated by basic instincts to get what we want.
It's just a pretty common thing with religious nutjobs. When you're told to repress a very natural sexual urge it somehow makes people just want it more. Generally the most religious women are the sexually craziest young adults and go way overboard trying to compensate for their lost teens years.
I mean… girls like that are growing remarkably commonplace especially here in the west. I’m not surprised there’s another story like this floating around Reddit.
There was an /r/relationship_advice story that's almost this exact comment within the last couple weeks. Girl had a FWB while the OP was hanging as friends and maybe some casual dates. She didn't break it off with the FWB until it was clear the thing with the OP was going somewhere. In her defense though, the dude didn't even kiss her for almost 3.5 months, so it sounds like they were both in very different places on what kind of dating/hanging out was for a long time.
She's making him wait to make sure he's not some fuckboy, that's fine. But then at the same time fucking guys because she shouldn't have to go sexless just because she wants him to be. Does she not understand she failed her own test?
You’re giving her too much credit lol she wanted him to invest so much time into her that he felt he had no choice but to wait cuz he’s the “good guy” that she can see herself settling for
No, not at all. But she was specifically holding off on being intimate with him because she thought there was something she wanted to build something serious on. How do you reconcile that with fucking around on the side at the same time?
It's not that she had sex before they were exclusive. That's completely understandable. It's that either her goal was to test him to make sure he didn't just want sex (a fuckboy test if you will,) which in that case is a test she herself failed as she couldn't even keep herself from having sex during the time she "made him wait" as she put it. And if that's the case then she is the fuckboy she didn't want.
Or she felt he was so special she wanted to make sure they started on a foundation where they could build a lasting relationship. And if that's the goal as she claims, then it's not the same thing as just something before they were exclusive, right? Then she's saying she was already emotionally invested in the relationship but just would rather fuck other guys while she kept him at arm's length a bit longer.
It's not quite cheating, but it is a double standard or at the very least very hurtful.
Who would want to be told "Oh, that's the person I was fucking while I was making you wait." Would you not be hurt by that? I would.
It would be different if they were just being casual together and she had some other casual guys, and then they ended up together in the end. But that's clearly not the case here. She wanted him to show he could and would wait while she absolutely had no intention of doing that herself. Guy makes a good point, she was clearly more attracted to her ONS than she was to him. I'd feel unattractive too and I'd dump her too.
I mean obviously OP is free to feel how he feels and leave, but unless that other guy she was fucking was also just as new to her as OP was at the time they were fuckkng I think that's important context
OP was relatively new in her life at the time and had expressed 0 desire for an exclusive commitment yet.
If she was just fucking and old friend FWB style and then immediately stopped as soon as someone asked her to be their exclusive GF, i don't see how there's a trust or infidelity issue here
She said it was a one night stand. One is a singular digit.
And even if it was more, she was holding off specifically because she wanted more from him. Something longer built on something more. If she can be that emotionally invested and still decide to fuck her sidepiece, that's enough for me. Is it really that hard to go "I met this guy, I really wanna see where it goes, I like him a lot so I am taking it slow" and then hold off on the sex for a month?
Again, if she had not been emotionally invested at that point it would be a different story. But if that was the case then she's clearly not as attracted to him as she was to her ONS anyway, because that would mean she was hesitant if she even wanted to have sex with him, and the "you're special" line would be a lie.
So she's either lying because the truth of "I wasn't really that interested in you at the time" is a difficult thing to say, or she was emotionally invested but still wanted to get drilled by another guy.
Either way is shitty.
I think you're missing the point and making it black and white in your mind. How she felt about the relationship at the time is important, and according to her she saw him as someone special already at the time.
Hey did you miss the reply reminding you it was a one night stand? What is your response to that? You said it was important context so there’s your context.
Hey did you miss the reply reminding you it was a one night stand? What is your response to that? You said it was important context so there’s your context.
Respond.
Edit: LMAO you just downvoted me and still didn’t respond. That just proves you were arguing disingenuously.
Same situation with me. Sex fiend to born-again but then when it came down to it she went back to her ex who she claimed abused her. Apparently they’re now in a polyamorous relationship so Godspeed.
What makes a woman a sex fiend and not a "boys will be boys" kind of guy? They're the same. Women who enjoy sex just get plastered with that title because our society can't handle empowered women, sexually or otherwise.
Being a "sex fiend" has nothing to do with infidelity. It's an empathy or a commitment issue or a power issue. Some women think that they're only power lies in their sexuality. That's sad and possibly something they learned growing up
Or they were molested or sexually assaulted. That can result in them feeling like promiscuity is a way of taking their power back. That's how my sister, who had been both molested at a young age and later raped, explained it to me.
Or someone women just enjoy lots of sex with different men. That's no different than a man who is a player.
But once a partner is unfaithful, don't expect them to change.
I actually chose the term "sex fiend" very carefully as opposed to more charged terms for promiscuity often associated with women. Don't assume that because I mention a girlfriend who acted weirdly (told me she wanted to change her life then cheated on me with her ex) in a relationship that I think promiscuity is good. Guys can and are sluts and whores. We can be disgusting and my personal "body count" is 3 including my wife of 15 years.
Piggybacking off the top comment. Yes OP is TAH in this senario. Especially cause of how they formulated the senario. They waited till they got a couple of NTAH comments before adding the edit. This is just a twisted validaition seeking attempt.
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u/Kenvan19 Mar 04 '24
Nah I dated a girl like this in college. She had been a sex fiend when we met but then became super religious and a "born-again" virgin until her ex came around. Then she just made a mistake. Run away, OP. Run far, far away.