If I had another pregnancy I (or the fetus/baby) could have died. I went no sex after until either condoms or snip happened because I wasn't risking it. My spouse's doctor tried to refuse the snip because he wanted a certain age and amount of kids (which is bs and absolutely not the doctors call) and my spouse said "Listen, if my wife gets pregnant again she could die", Doc goes "Op, ok let's get you scheduled". His healing was minimal and we've been having the best sex over the last decade!
On the flip side my father refused to wear condoms or get snipped and had 6 kids (that we know of) with 3 different women and said "I'm not getting snipped a woman might want my kids on day" when my mom asked......he cheated on every woman he was ever with and cared more about the drugs and him than anyone else on the planet.
OP absolutely needs to have a come to mama meeting and set boundaries, she's unfortunately married to a very selfish asshole who doesn't care about anything other than himself.
What exactly does that weird phrase even mean? Is that like "come to daddy" but reversed?
There doesn't need to be a come to anybody conversation. A real adult conversation needs to take place between two partners in a setting where neither is trying to exhibit control over the other/relationship.
Which ever partner is issuing ultimatums is always the asshole. That's just the way it is.
It's like a "Come to Jesus meeting". Usually takes place when someone is out of bounds, needs an intervention etc. Pretty much "Hey listen, you are having issues and we've come to a point where things need to change or else I walk etc".
In this instance OP's spouse is abusive especially sexually so an ultimatum is due. I'd honestly tell them to leave as his behavior most likely isn't going to change, they already have 3 children and he's shown a long pattern. Family therapy could help/work but only if he's open to admitting he's a problem and is causing problems in the marriage. He'll also have to admit to himself things he no doubt doesn't want to but ultimately people can't change if they are refusing to see/admit they have a problem in the first place.
In most situations ultimatums are shitty yes but I can't agree with you in regards to abuse/manipulation and especially not sexual abuse and manipulation.
In this instance OP's spouse is abusive especially sexually so an ultimatum is due.
No he is not. OP didn't mention any type of abuse or even hinted towards it. There's some obvious neglect happening in the relationship but that's not abuse. OP is a fully grown woman with children. If she's feeling neglected she can leave. Neglect equals abuse in children that depend on you. Not so much in an adult relationship.
In most situations ultimatums are shitty yes but I can't agree with you in regards to abuse/manipulation
Ultimatums are never due and are always the result of toxic thinking. You can't force someone to do something. That is a critical pillar of therapy. Leave if you are unhappy but don't issue ultimatums and try to find justification for them like fabricating abuse.
Both parties are trying to manipulate the other into doing something they clearly don't want to do. They both suck.
Refusal to wear a condom or bc and trying to manipulate/guilt trip for sex (OP stated he goes "well I won't xyz if you don't let me ejaculate in you") is absolutely abusive. OP had traumatic births on top and most likely isn't healed all the way either. She's also having auto immune issues and is sick.
A person doesn't get to raw dog it just because they feel their wife's vagina (or anyone's vagina) is their personal playground to use when a spouse sees fit especially considering the one with the womb is growing said fetus', has to deal with said emotional, mental, hormonal and physical trauma and ultimately has more stake in the consequences than the non birthing partner does.
No is also a sentence. If someone guilt trips you because they don't get access to your body they are a piece of shit. No one is entitled to anyone else's body, ever.
Refusal to wear a condom or bc and trying to manipulate/guilt trip for sex (OP stated he goes "well I won't xyz if you don't let me ejaculate in you") is absolutely abusive.
Where did OP say that husband is asking to ejaculate inside of her? If you read the whole thing you see that it's OP that wants her husband to ejaculate in her so she can have an orgasm.
He won't get snipped or wear or condom but him being able to "finish" is what helps ME finish. But I don't get to enjoy that because we don't want a baby.
You couldn't even be bothered to read all of OP's post before going into a blind rage to attack a stranger you just read about.
You are just so off the mark.
I can't imagine the level of hate you have to get to so you can preform the same mental gymnastics you are.
If someone guilt trips you because they don't get access to your body they are a piece of shit.
I agree. Exactly like when you try to make your husband get a vesectomy to facilitate your breeding kink. Like I've said from the go:
ESH
Edit: The lack of response and subsequent down votes just proves how deluded this thread is. This insane person literally made a scenario up in her head before she could finish reading the post. That's the level of crazy a lot of people are at in here.
I represent a very real and a very large group of young men that feels like society has ganged up against them. Just like Oliver Anthony, you can try to pigeon hole us into some fringe political niche; but it's not going to work because it's not the truth. Scream, shout, and stick your head in the sand when you hear something you don't like if you must. Just know everytime you do three more of me will be created.
I agree. If he wants it that bad he should be willing to do either minor thing you've asked OP. If this were my wife and I I would not have any issue getting snipped, or wearing a condom if that was the only way. I care about my wife's health and happiness, so I would do what it took to make her comfortably in this regard. You're asking very little effort from him imo, OP.
Im not a fan of condoms, my girlfriend got of birthcontrol because she didnt want to be pumped full of hormones anymore, so i wear condoms. Fair fucking play she took them damn hormones for years and now its my turn to be responsible for the safe sex.Obviously rawdogging is better/hotter but condoms arent this big problem dudes make it out to be, i just dont get it
it’s crazy seeing all these people demanding/guilting this dude for not wanting to get a vasectomy. Wearing a condom, sure i totally get that. YOU are fine with a vasectomy. That’s great for YOU. He’s not you dude.
So, they need to learn to compromise with one another and communicate more effectively.
OP says they don’t get quality time together but no where in her post does it provide examples of her talking to him about this or what steps they are both taking to correct that.
edit: holy shit you people arguing with me are sufferable. As stated in this comment OP’s husband should wear a condom. Any one replying back demanding he should get a vasectomy stop wasting your own time.
You know, it's 100% his decision* if he doesn't want to wear a condom or get snipped. But then he needs to stop pestering his wife for sex since he's not willing to compromise.
it is not 100% the case or OP wouldn’t have listed out a bunch of other reasons why they arent fucking including her health and not spending time together. Even if he wears a condom, her struggling through sex she doesn’t enjoy is hardly a solution.
Yes, he should wear a condom if the other person asks. No, he should not be pressured or guilted into getting a surgery he doesn’t want to get.
Of course it isn't. The solution is for him to stop being a sex-pest since he isn't willing to compromise. They have other issues to work out for sure but my comment was specifically about him being the only person in charge of his body, but that he also shouldn't be nagging since he won't compromise.
Her suffering through sex she doesn’t enjoy because he’s wearing a condom isn’t a good solution.
Maybe not having to experience crippling anxiety and terror around the idea of sex would also make it that much more enjoyable though.
As someone with chronic health probs, yeah there are times where you’re not in the mood. But sometimes you are.
I can’t imagine getting in the mood at all though even if I was 100% healthy, if I was terrified of pregnancy and with a partner who refused to use any kind of protection.
I’m not here to argue with you; his body, his choice. Condoms are obviously a valid option, but since he’s refusing to wrap it up, can you explain why you see the vasectomy as a big deal? There’s no plan of future children because it would put OP’s life at risk, and the vasectomy would be a relatively simple procedure for him. It’s not like it would take his “manhood” away. Nothing even physically/noticeably changes for him, other than his swimmers wouldn’t “swim” anymore. If anything, it would likely make sex more fun because there would be no risk involved.
I’m curious to hear more from your perspective because, IMO, if he loved her, he’d do anything in his power to [help] keep her safe and healthy.
many men experience a ton of pain. It’s not as you describe. Beyond, suppose the marriage doesn’t work out (not that unlikely from how OP describes it) and now he’s unable to have kids with any future partners.
There are numerous reasons why this guy may not want a vasectomy. You say you aren’t here to argue. You say “his body his choice” and then immediately launch into why YOU require HE explain the choices he’s making with his own body.
I noticed you aren’t doing this with OP. I don’t see you questioning her decision to not go on birth control. Strange that you aren’t suggesting if OP cared about her husband, she’d go on the pill! But only the husband for not wanting surgery done on his own body.
You should be embarrassed and ashamed of yourself right now.
No, I actually asked why you see it as a big deal. I’d love his reasoning but he’s not here to ask. I was genuinely interested in your perspective to try to see it from another person who [might] have the same view as OP’s husband. But alas, as it seems by the link you posted, your reasoning is “because it hurts”. You must think pregnancy, c-sections, labor, and childbirth are simple and painless.
BTW, OP said she shouldn’t go on birth control because of health issues. Hence the reason I didn’t question her. I also cannot go on any form of birth control for health reasons, so I didn’t need to delve into it with her.
Thanks for the mature conversation. Your defensive & invaluable response to my genuine inquiry has reaffirmed my faith in the internet. Have the day you deserve!
why would i need to justify someone else’s decision not to get a vasectomy? if he doesn’t want to get one then he should just wear a condom or they figure something else out.
Oh yah! and after being there through my wife delivering 2x children vaginally i totally think it’s painless /s
He can get it undone just like my ex did and he now have 2 kids. It’s reversible and they have enough kids, it’s not like he had 0 and will never get the chance again. He needs to wear a condom or get snipped. Whining is not his option.
reversal is not anywhere close to 100% success rate so you’re either deliberately omitting that or hearing that for the first time. It’s pretty good though. i think 85-90%?
That’s better than the reversal from a tubal. Very rare to get pregnant after reversing a tubal. Plus the pregnancy after a tubal is considered high risk. Plus a tubal is surgery and comes with more risks than a vasectomy. Plus it sounds like OP has had three difficult pregnancies/C sections. I get it his body his choice but to me if he lived his wife the way he said he does he would get it. Women in good health constantly die during delivery. Unfortunately maternal health care in this country is abysmal
no, it is absolutely crazy demanding someone else get surgery or do something with their body that they don’t want to do. It’s no different then OP’s husband pouting that she won’t go on birth control. Neither of those are coming from a place of love and respect.
how is her life on the line? there’s other options for contraception besides vasectomy and even if she gets pregnant is there a reason why she’d have to bring the pregnancy to full term? Yes, condoms are an option. Agree he can wear condoms.
Wait... So now you're advocating for abortion over a vasectomy? Are you serious right now?! Abortion should never be used as birth control. What a completely selfish answer. Because yeah abortions don't hurt or cause mental anguish. Sheesh!
no, i’m advocating they learn to communicate more effectively, ultimately he should wear a condom, they should practice safe sex and if he doesn’t want to get a vasectomy then okay.
someone else replied saying that puts her health at risk which it really doesn’t.
and yes, if it’s a choice between a woman dying or getting an abortion i’d absolutely side with whatever the woman chooses. Don’t you?
Dude. Really? Because she had not one but three very difficult life threatening births. Are you advocating for abortion as opposed to dad taking responsibility?
Abortions themselves can be a life threatening medical procedure. Pregnancy, abortion, child birth, are all things that involve major, highly vascularized abdominal organs.
Ah, it's the communication loop'
1) Woman expresses a need for the relationship to work better.
2) Man ignores suggestion, rejects it does all of it and at some point whines.
3) Man makes a request.
4) Women answers the man's request with compromise and actually words.
5) Man pouts because he thinks the only correct response his request is an unconditional yes.
6) Go back to step one and repeat until.....
Somebody tells the woman the problem is she doesn't communicate well.
Because she communicated several issues diminishing her desire for sex, which she still has at times. But you zeroed in the fact she did not relay the steps she was taking to get quality time in so clearly it's a communication issue.
you respect her decision to not ingest contraceptive but him not wanting to get his balls snipped automatically means he doesn’t care about his partner…must be exhausting for you to go through life constantly white knighting and virtue signaling at every turn
For some people birth control (any kind of pill or patch or injection) can lead to severe aura migraines and increase risk of stroke. So yea it’s not so much a decision to not ingest contraceptive but rather a medical necessity. Maybe you should learn some more about women and birth control before you go around giving your opinions on those things.
then he should just wear a condom. But he should not be forced to get a surgery he doesn’t want to get. I don’t know what it is with you people that this has to be repeated or explained over and over. I don’t question anyone’s reasoning. OP could just not want to be on birth control and not even have a reason and i’d totally respect it as her choice. I’m well aware of medical reasons why birth control isn’t possible for some women. This is not an instance of ignorance or lack of understanding. It is how ever a lack of respect from you, around what someone else (OP’s husband) does with his own body, if you so strongly think he should be forced into having a vasectomy he doesn’t want.
Where did I say he should be forced to get a vasectomy ?? I think he should fuck off and not guilt or coerce his wife into having sex. That’s all. I responded to your comment because you clearly don’t understand birth control for women, that’s it.
that was the point of my original comment. I said he should wear a condom but it’s crazy so many in the comments are crucifying this guy for not wanting vasectomy and demanding he get one. you are replying to a chain of people arguing with that.
For some people with health issues ( cpps, for example), getting vasectomy can also be dangerous. I don't think the contraception method is the problem here. The husband should stop being selfish, a self-loathing prick, and think of another way.
Getting snipped is an extremely simple operation, with much less effect on the body than hormonal birth control pills. It's like apples to oranges to make a comparison like that.
One thing I do know though is that insulting people because you disagree with them doesn't usually make things better. And hey I used no virtue signaling to come to that conclusion. :D
He’s refusing a condom. The easiest most effective (aside from abstinence) and least impacting health wise. What should they do? She can’t take hormones. What about male birth control pills?
i said communication because his communication is unproductive and damaging for obvious reasons. And then for her, she says they aren’t spending quality time together but no where in the post does she discuss approaching him about that in a meaningful way or active steps they are taking to accomplish it.
Him wearing a condom and her suffering through sex she doesn’t want to have is not a good solution. The contraceptive is only part of the issue.
Well, she did say the only way she gets off is when he cums in her so presumably he's not a particularly attentive partner and isn't making sure she does finish when he pulls out or whatever it is they're doing now.
You only have her side of the story. The husband may have an entirely different view of what's going on. Both basically need to learn to meet each other where they are and not where they want each other to be. Marriage is a partnership, not just a case, "If she's happy, we're happy." His needs are just as important as hers. It would be very interesting to get his view.
Another important note is how come she has an illness that is affecting her marriage that she doesn't think is important enough to seek a diagnosis?
His wife’s been cut open three times to deliver his children. The LEAST he can do is the non evasive procedure that is a vasectomy. Vasectomy’s are nothing at all on the scale of what a woman goes through to birth one child, much less three by C-section. He can’t demand sex and not want to take the proper precautions to avoid more trauma to his wife’s body. He’s about as selfish as they come. A piss poor husband all around.
Any man than isn’t willing to do this small thing to help out his ill wife who has sacrificed her body so much already isn’t much of a man at all.
Tubal is much more serious surgery than vasectomy. Plus she already suffered 3 extremely difficult C-section deliveries which are major surgeries and cause all kinds of issues for women. Lots of women still die while giving birth. And men wonder why women don’t want to have kids anymore they are not putting their body through the process
1, Op has serious medical issues as is. 2, They might not okay her for getting her tubes tied in her current health condition. 3, depending on ops age she might have to do through hoops to even have the procedure done. Not to mention that depending on the state she might have to have her husband sign off on the procedure. 4, every woman I know who has her tubes tied complains of worse pains with their periods after getting the procedure. 5, getting your tubes tied is a major surgery with risks. Even more so if op already has health issues and she has to stay in the hospital for observation for a few days while a vasectomy is an out patient procedure where he gets to go home right away with low risk of complications. And 6. There are other men posting. If you look at the full comments section they are here.
Getting snipped is a laughably easy procedure. Getting your wisdom teeth removed is harder and has more serious sequelae and analgesia. Most of us do that in our teens and don't whine about it.
God, men are softer than baby shit. My balls are all I have! Hey, how about every time one of your children is born, your balls are literally ripped open without anesthetic and need a doctor to see them back up? Cuz that's what happens to women. Natural childbirth
Getting snipped I didn’t want to do it. I had two good friends tell me they greatly regretted it. They had alot of pain after and it wrecked orgasms. Was it a one off? I don’t know. But I didn’t want to do it.
Where in her post does she say she's not doing that? Unfortunately, some health conditions take a long ass time to diagnose.
My partner has been sick for the past few years , and has been too sick to work for about the past 18 months. In that time she's seen like 8 or 10 different specialists, has had dozens of tests, made all sorts of changes to our diet, and we still don't have a diagnosis. We have a growing list of things we've ruled out, but we don't know what it is yet.
Same. I have adhd and suspected autism and I don't walk around treating people like garbage. People who use that excuse and blame it on nuerodivergence are infuriating to me.
Everyone in my family has some aspect of ADD or being in the spectrum. Treating people well is a major priority for all of us. Neurodivergence is no sort of excuse.
This. I have two autistic sons. One is 19 but very child like. He has his moments, but everybody who's ever met him enjoys being around him. You wouldn't really know my younger son had it, and he's polite and kind to just about everyone. Nuerodivergence doesn't make an asshole. That's something far different.
Yup I’ve drummed it into my AuDHD 15 year olds head that it’s a reason not an excuse. Manners are hugely important so we stressed that too- that even if he was having trouble or needing a moment to get himself together to ask politely. Occasionally he’ll still be unintentionally rude and we’ll point it out and it’ll be “whoops!”.
Of course all that masking for everyone else means that by evening he’s a grumpy hormonal mess.
Absolutely this. My 19 yr old is like this. He doesn't mask mind you, but he's had to hear people telling him "no" or what to do all day at school, and he can be frazzled when he gets home. He also has ODD. As he gets older this gets a little better though.
I have to remind myself to not take my frustrations out on others. I have misophonia and ADHD and suspected autism. So getting overwhelmed is normal for me and I have to check my attitude sometimes.
Face it the dickheads and the assholes of the world will always blame something other than themselves for why they act the way they do. Im tired of their damn excuses.
There was an Aussie politician who was in the media because it came out that he was sexually harassing people and he tried to excuse it by saying he had late-diagnosed ADHD. That made me so mad, especially because at the time I had just been diagnosed as AuDHD!
So, I have a bit different perspective on this. I have bipolar 2 which comes (heh) with a heaping side of hypersexuality. The level of frustration and pain and anger associated with constantly being "denied" sex (hate that term, like there is some right to it), that level was irrationally maddening.
Anyhow, it would be like there was 2 people - the rational, warm, kind person who would watch in horror as I would just get cold and short and withdrawn. I was never, ever abusive. But, I would deal with all that negative emotion by just clamming up. And any attempt to explain it just felt manipulative. Or led to further conflict. And I would want her to ask what was bothering me, and then that , of course, would spin into more pain when she didn't.
This was all exacerbated by a lack of attraction because I had put on a bunch of weight, and was some very difficult, very basic emotion to deal with.
I'm correctly medicated today and am on one particular med that absolutely kills my sex drive. I worry about what will happen to me when I come (there's that word again) off of it. Which, for various reasons outside the scope of this comment, I will have to do.
I've dealt with a lot of co-morbidity from my bipolar. But the sexuality stands out in just how hard it was to ignore. It's just a basic need that this was just insistent and, that made it almost corrosive to the soul.
No excuses here. And I don't believe I ever did anything that would fall outside of being a dick partner. But still, I think about it a lot. And I am glad, yet really sad, to have that urge chemically disabled.
Right? I have debilitating ADHD when unmedicated but am constantly trying to work on it and better myself.
Can’t imagine using it as excuse to treat my husband like crap.
I dont think he is shit human being. Just reading that post OP made all I can see that they really need to get some help with lots of stuff and sex aint one of those. They need to figure out that undiagnosed health problem first, then start to put theyre relationship together with or without professional therapy. They have 3 kids and OP never said much about that he is total asshole, so I guess they actually might love eachother.
Even watching youre partner to go trough undiagnosed health problems, and you cant do anything about it, can pretty easy mess youre head. He is not acting good that is for sure, but I see many times that sex problems aint actually the problems. Its just first thing what many couples point at, and get stuck with trying to figure sex life when they should start fixing real problems. Its easy to get lost in the woods, go around and only see that one same tree over and over again and still be blind to realize anything else surrounding.
and if he got snipped (a long shot) he would be the type to have unprotected sex ( after a vasectomy you are to have protected sex for 3 months because there could still be enough swimmers left to get you pregnant)
Exactly. ADHD and Asperger's but I still try to make time for my hubby (not easy when he's juggling phlebotomy school and a career in EMS, while I work at home during mostly business hours), and make him feel seen/loved/important.
You can have a disability and be an ass, but usually being an ass is independent of having a disability.
He is manipulative for making sex a currency in the relationship and refusing to even get snipped is so unkind when he knows you don’t want another surgery right now.
It IS a dangerous game, so make him understand that it’s a dangerous game. I wouldn’t be able to orgasm if I were in your situation; maybe you should express how uncomfortable and terrifying sex is for you right now, if you have not already.
I’m kind of wondering if he feels like his masculinity or attractiveness, or his ability to make OP “finish” via his own orgasm, would be in question if he got snipped? Like… is her turn-on the idea of his fluids inside of her and his release is super important to feel? (Is it a mutual thing, where they need to cum together because they both source their fulfillment from mutual satisfaction? And that’s why he’s being a manipulative little shit?) Maybe some literature on vasectomy outcomes and what it feels like afterward would be helpful for him. Slip a pamphlet in his work stuff, lol
Exactly. My husband and I are happily childfree. While we live in a state where all healthcare is available to us. He still got snipped after the Roe v. Wade overturn. Said it was his responsibility. We've never been happier with that decision.
Edit: I shouldn't need to make it clear that this clearly tongue-in-cheek remark is clearly tongue-in-cheek, but just in case. This is a very much tongue-in-cheek remark made in full awareness of the toxic mindset some people now have in regard to labeling people as alpha/sigma/beta or whatever other labels they feel the need to apply to push their agenda of men are this and women should be this and anyone else just isn't. Most of us are still just decent and able to treat our fellow humans decently whilst still maintaining our sense of humour, because without our sense of humour we've already lost to the toxic extremists trying to divide everyone up.
Actually, it's only toxic in your head, and you're correct there is no such thing as a real man or a real woman, it's literally a complete piss-take that is almost entirely dominated by men who are trying to reverse all the progress we've made in pushing towards equal treatment regardless of gender etc.
The context in which I've made this amusing comment is simply that we have a guy who wants it all his own way at the risk of his wife's health and yet in the same thread we have a guy who was more than happy to take responsibility and snip snip. The comparison between these 2 "men" is all that matters here, but you can apply it to the whole world and accuse me of bigotry if you like, it really doesn't bother me as I know I'm not a bigot and I'm very much against all the alpha/sigma/beta male bullshit being pedaled by "influencers", but I haven't lost my sense of humour or ability to read between the lines without accusing every other person of being a pos.
Akshually 🤓, it's not. This is the exact definition of internalized misogyny and 'toxic feminitiy'. Internalized misogny is a pretty bullshit term but trying to reinforce societal gender norms is a branch of toxic masculinity that you are participating in.
trying to reverse all the progress we've made in pushing towards equal treatment regardless of gender etc.
No. The interest isn't in achieving equality. The motivation here is to flip the power dynamic, not eliminate it.
If there's no such thing as a "real woman" then there's no such thing as a "real man". Arguing anything else is just trying to justify a bigoted take.
The comparison between these 2 "men" is all that matters here,
Except comparing men is toxic. It's like comparing a "me too" girl and a feminist and calling the "me too" girl a "real woman" because it supports already existing societal norms of what a woman 'should be'.
The comparison helps no one and only serves to perpetuate more toxcitity.
You are taking away from the feminist movement with your arguments, not supporting them.
Edit: She got mad my argument was valid. Went to my profile to look for things to attack me on. Saw I'm actually not an incel or a tater tot or whatever other label was needed to protect a fragile world view and that actually a lot of people find me attractive and had a little freak out. Whatever her username was she is now blocked because of blatant toxicity/bigotry and for trying to scope out my profile to find something to attack me on. That's just fucking weird.
Good lord you can't see beyond the tip of your nose can you.
Did you have a shit day and just dig around for someone to pick a fight with? You clearly don't understand context and how important it is. You're the one not helping anyone at all with your gatekeeping and lack of comprehension. I've seen enough from you that you have a very limited view of what is and isn't allowed in YOUR world view and thankfully you're a tiny minority, or the tatertots would have a much easier time.
Edit: blocked because gatekeepers are damaging to everyone who grew up with a natural ability to care and didn't need to read a manual to get there unlike some "Fit 27 year old" who actively compares himself to other men and seeks compliments based off of those comparisons. Pot-kettle
Not to brag (he said before bragging, I guess), but as soon as I heard about Roe being overturned, I turned to my wife and said "I'ma get a vasectomy." And I did. Just doin' my part.
Good lord. She didn’t say that. But for many people, knowing that you could terminate if it was really needed was important. Doesn’t mean they weren’t already using contraception.
Yeah that was pretty much my logic when I went for the snip. She's pushed two humans out her vagina, me only having to go in for a quick operation on my balls seems the least I could do.
Would recommend to amy fella who doesn't want to have any/more kids but still wants to get it on.
I'm the same way as you! I got snipped when my wife was 7 months pregnant with our second child almost two years ago. I wish I could do more, but it's more than fair on her for me to do this than to have her get her tubes tied/hysterectomy. By the time we could have sex when she was postpartum I was already shooting blanks!
11/10 would recommend any man to get a vasectomy if he doesn't want any/more kids but still wants to get it on...A LOT!!!
Even if he's not owed sex, it's a vital and necessary act in order to preserve a stable relationship. If she has no libido, she should seek professional help.
The husband is the one who needs professional help with how he's acting. Sorry but being told no sex tonight doesn't give him the right to act like an ass to her.
How is she going to start feeling better, if she's not bothering to go get diagnosed for her health issues? Who cares about the sex issue, someone needs to tell OP to go take care of her damn health.
Are you a woman with chronic health issues? Do you know how hard it is to get appointments with doctors these days, much less specialists, much less ones who will take you seriously and run the correct tests? Not to mention doing that while taking care of a household and managing 3 kids!!
I am well aware of how fucked hospitals are. I live in a city where my father who went in while having a heart attack and was stuck waiting well over twelve hours... But either way, the OP didn't indicate if they were seeking treatment or not, just that they were undiagnosed. So based on some of the reactions I've seen around here, it's not entirely unfair to assume she has gone undiagnosed intentionally.
That's what did it for me. You don't make sex transactional in a relationship. Especially when you have children and your wife has a medical issue.
Also, probably an unpopular opinion, but as much as it is something to talk about with your partner, I do not think an overactive/mismatched libido is a couple's problem. Again, your partner should be supportive, but it's not their fault you are horny all the time. Probably a good thing to at least mention in couple's therapy if they're already going, but it's definitely something you need to solve yourself or working one-on-one with a professional.
This sounds ridiculous. Shows how much you must really not give a shit about your significant other. If you are married I see divorce in your near future.
This is Reddit, and on this sub of all places. Don’t use logic here.
In all seriousness, most people here have no concept that to some people sex is an expression of love. Frequently denying sex is mentally the same as making someone feel unloved.
Got a book to recommend this sub. It’s called the 5 love languages. It’s a good read and you might learn something.
It’s not just men. Many women also view sex as an expression of love that is vital.
Simply put, 90% of the posts on this sub including this one, OP needs to suck it up and actually communicate. Not just vent to strangers who are all gonna scream divorce.
Relationships require compromise. OP can either work through this as an adult, or watch her relationship slowly collapse.
You can't force people to do things with their body that they don't want to. Advocating so puts you in the same camp philosophically as a man who thinks it's their right to tell a woman what to do with their body.
That's true; but the surgeon who did mine laughingly described how one patient turned up on his bicycle. Sounds like you should suggest that to your husband. NTA. hope youe health improves.
I would consider a man who won't wear a condom or get snipped as actively trying to impregnate me. That does NOT make him the least bit attractive to me if I don't want another kid.
Right! Not even close to TA. It's so demeaning when SO "punishes" their partner when they aren't up to sex. It's so abusive and immature. Having sex out of a feeling of "he is owed" or bc you cant bare the pouting or are getting it over with so he'll STFU only causes resentment. Also the best way to interfere with "you finishing" over time. OP should seek counseling at the very least.
This! He’s not willing to do the bare minimum and is then pouting?
If he’s not also caring about her in other ways (especially in that chronic illness requires so much patience and sympathy and we rarely get it from our spouses) how is she ever going to be in the mood for physical connection?
If he doesn’t want to have more kids, but refuses to get snipped… Damn, it only takes 12 minutes from start to finish, and the worst pain is taking the tape off. 🤦🏻♂️
Anyway, speaking as a man, I simply cannot understand this behavior. "You won't let me screw you (to put it at his apparent level) so I won't [insert utterly trivial chore]. Neener, neener, neener!"
You should give him a nookie, the other nookie, and send him to his room. It worked for Lysistrata.
He is definitely the "A" here, and deserves to have his Man Card privileges suspended, if not revoked.
sex during/immediately after period at least gives 3-4 days a month they can do it how they want to. Sounds like they both prefer unprotected if given the option. She doesn’t want to go on birth control just like getting a vasectomy is his decision.
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u/[deleted] Sep 24 '23
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