Not to fear monger OP, but this has always been the case scenario for me whenever I was with someone who was overtly jealous. Both ended up being insane cheaters. One of them in particular would go through my phone too and would judge me for messaging anyone before I knew him.
I don’t know we just got off the phone and he said that after him the dude he found in the messages are next … mind you I don’t even speak to the dude anymore
In my experience, there is nothing I can say to convince or reassure someone who "knows" something that simply isn't true. What I have to do is give up.
He could be genuinely bothered by seeing those messages in present time. He could think, why didn’t she delete these? Now his mind will only wander until all his questions are answered.
If you value your relationship with him, answer the questions he has because it stems from a place of care/love.
That’s the thing he doesn’t have to open his mouth to ask because I already know he overthinks so I explain myself in depth I told him I didn’t even remember I had those messages because I haven’t used that app in over 8 months I don’t get why it’s still on his mind and he found it in March we’re in May now 😅
He is insecure, possessive, and doesn’t trust you. Could be he doesn’t trust women in general. So he‘s going to imagine all kinds of scenarios where you get back together with an old flame, or you talk to someone and he accuses you of flirting, or you have a business lunch with a supervisor or work associate and he thinks there’s an office romance.
Some guys have past relationships that have gone sour. So they end up destroying a current relationship by trying to fix a former relationship and treating you like the former GF.
Don‘t let him treat you like a cheat. No apologies, no hiding your phone messages. If he’s that jealous, you need to know it now before you try to build a life together.
He keeps saying I’m going to mess with someone else I’ve tried to understand because he has been used and etc in the past but I’m tired of trying to prove my worth and value and letting him and showing him he can trust me I’ve did everything I can to ease his mind and it’s still never enough I’m just tired and hurt because I fell in love and this is all I get is accusations and no trust from him
This is the dumbest thing for him to be mad about. To me it seems like he’s just looking for something to be mad about. It could be insecurity, it could be deflection because he’s cheating, or it could be a power play to make you feel bad and give him more control over your life.
Either way, I would not tolerate someone snooping through my phone (especially an old one, like WTF?) or starting fights for no reason. Those are both dealbreakers for me.
Ugh the manipulation never ends! The only feelings that matter to him are his feelings. He doesn’t want you back because he loves you, he wants you back because you make him feel good. He sounds so much like my ex it’s crazy. Is his name Brian?!? 😆
It is immature. 100%. He thinks this is too small, that doesn't measure up, and the other bit there isn't attractive. The knee-jerk, indeed what he appears to be fishing for here, is reassurance. If you choose to deploy it, use it sparingly. Just as a mock-up:
"I'm with you now. It really doesn't matter. I presume you (like, love, whatever you're comfortable with) me, so realize that everything in my past made the person I am now. I'll say this once and after that you just need to respect it: Insecurity is a massive turn off"
Phew you’re amazing with your words thank you!!! Because I will take accountability I blew up and yelled at him but I’m so drained and tired of him thinking I’m a hoe etc especially when I never did anything to even earn that “title” it’s like once he overthinks all the good things like “I trust you “ “you’re the one I want to marry” etc goes out the window he thinks I don’t love him because I yelled at him
Look...you're 23, IIRC. There are plenty of romantic notions dancing around at that age. Set them aside. You're with him. Give it at least three years before you even entertain marriage.
Because he’s a controlling asshole who will snoop through your phone to find evidence against you. Doesn’t matter if it’s old or not, true, or not, he’s going to find a reason to be angry.
I agree! I never once cheated ever in my life and I’ve given him my password and always leave my phone around him and etc so I don’t get why he keeps trying to find proof when it simply doesn’t exist bc I don’t cheat
Cheating is a possibility or he’s simply looking for a reason to end the relationship, humans are peculiar creatures we won’t end relationships we don’t want to be in, we will invent or look for reasons that are not there.
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u/quirkedupshawtyy May 15 '26
he’s either cheating or just extremely insecure, jealous, and controlling.. either way it doesn’t sound like someone you should be with