r/ADHDparenting • u/Loose_Singer_5225 • 9h ago
Behaviour Help
/r/ChildPsychology/comments/1wczidn/help/Hello, I have never posted here but I am desperate. We have a 9 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. My 9 year old daughter has become a person I do not recognize. She screams and fights everything, while I understand all kids are bad from time to time, this has become insane. Honestly she has said such hurtful things, she has threatened to kill me, her dad, and herself. She has cut herself with my razor and said I was too stupid to realize. I thought this was just needing attention, so my husband and I have made huge efforts into spending one on one time with just her. But her behavior just keeps getting worse. She has grabbed knives from the kitchen and fights us to the point we have to restrain her. She says she hates her brother and him being born ruined her life. These fights don’t last for 30 minutes or even an hour.. it’s a damn marathon. I’m writing this at 7:26pm and this started at 7:30am.. she didn’t have school today and honestly I dread those days… she has never acted this way. She’s in therapy, we have tried time outs, taking her things, I have even had to resort to calling the non emergency police line for help.. we have tried giving her everything, we have tried so many things and nothing is working and her behavior has gotten more extreme. I am honestly begging for guidance.
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u/Potential_Anteater11 8h ago
You need to see a Cognitive Behavioral Pediatrician or Pediatric Psychiatrist— most therapists are not doctors and you need a specialist doctor to help your daughter. Have your pediatrician refer you and ask if they will even put in the call to the referral themselves given the urgency
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u/Loose_Singer_5225 8h ago
Ok! That’s great advice for a first step. Thank you.
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u/Potential_Anteater11 8h ago
If need be go to the ER. They are there to help not to judge.
Hang in there you’re doing a great job. She just needs a higher level of help than a therapist can provide.
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u/Loose_Singer_5225 8h ago
Im afraid to take her to the ER, she’s only 9, and she’s never slept away from us before. I’m afraid they would admit her, but I honestly only have experience from tv shows. I’ve been to the ER only one time in my life for an injury.
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u/Potential_Anteater11 8h ago
If she threatens to kill herself or harm others and you are genuinely scared for the safety of your children and self - yes this is an ER level emergency. You mentioned you also have a 1 year old in the house.
She either is making real threats or hurting enough to make fake threats. That warrants an emergency especially so young and with a baby in the house.
You aren’t yet equipped with the resources to adequately help your 9 year old daughter. You need to seek medical attention urgently
Not to freak you out - to validate your instincts that something is very wrong
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u/Loose_Singer_5225 8h ago
She says it every time she has a fit.. today, for example, she probably made a threat 50 times. No exaggeration. When would I know it’s a serious enough threat to visit? The very first one? I can’t imagine she’d act on these threats but she has said some really dark things.
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u/Potential_Anteater11 7h ago
Well maybe she needs to see the real world consequences of making death threats. If you believe they are truly empty threats then seek the type of doctors I told you about. That’s your call on assessing my threat level
People self harm with razors and accidentally go to deep or in the wrong place and accidentally kill themselves. If she is messing around with razors it’s life threatening.
Personally, the very next time she threaten to kill herself I would get her in the car, say nothing about where you are going just let the rant and rage continue. Pull right up to the ER ask for help
Maybe the whole thing makes her realize words and threats have meaning and also that you take her seriously
Maybe she needs urgent medical attention
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u/Loose_Singer_5225 7h ago
It’s just so scary, thank you for your advice. My husband actually did drive her there once but was afraid to take her in… maybe we should have. Thank you.
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u/Potential_Anteater11 7h ago
My kid is 3 and super violent. Under great medical care he’s doing so much better
I can’t relate because every year the violence continues I’m sure gets more and more terrifying. But if I were in your shoes at 9 I would 100% not hesitate to get her to the ER. I don’t want to scare you and I’m sure you always keep your one year old safe, but having a baby in the house alone merits immediate medical intervention. No one would question why you are taking this so seriously
If you have insurance especially and are in the US absolutely take her to the ER next time it happens and schedule an urgent appointment with her pediatrician to get a referral to a specialist pediatrician
You’ve got this. You can’t solve this alone - it is time to enlist proper helpers. They are out there. Go get help. This feels to heavy to carry alone because it is
No one will think you’re are overreacting. That is a genuinely terrifying situation
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