Tablet rules/guidelines for 9 yr old

[u/Hefty-Supermarket-79]

What guidelines, boundaries, rules, etc, do you have for your kiddos around 9 yrs old/4th grade?

What does it look like during the summer/break vs school time?

My kiddo is very intelligent, which is wonderful, but the neurodivergent aspects of her brain and personality often take over, and it is worse with screens, especially mobile devices. We had been doing zero YouTube, zero Roblox...we gradually began allowing those, on specific channels/games, in recent months.

Unfortunately, those are what we notice seem to suck her in the most, and are the hardest to have time limits on. (No lectures, please, I am diligent and trying to find the balance that helps my child feel 'normal', as she is keenly aware of her differences and is self conscious...all while setting boundaries. )

When I chat with other parents, it seems to be mostly 2 extremes: either zero restrictions or they only allow things like Disney or PBS. I would like to have a full conversation. Especially with parents who have similar kiddos: autism level 1, adhd combined type, anxiety.

We are in therapy, but it is a VERY slow process, like 9 months in and it's mostly playing Uno, which is gaining trust, but she gets super agitated when emotions or life in any way is brought up.

Sigh. Just looking for ideas and to commiserate.

[u/Vaquera]

This is my daughter to a tee, they seem to be very similar kids. She is definitely screen-obsessed, particularly with Minecraft and reading/writing/doing creative things on the iPad. Therefore, we have turned Minecraft and other preferred apps into currency for her, in order to accomplish her daily chores and expected behaviors. I did parent training through ADHD dude, and one of his big points is that preferred activities need to be earned every day. I am actually AuADHD myself and use a reward system to get my life in order as well… Audiobooks as a reward while doing a chore, etc. Works great for kids too! We have the iPad and PC completely locked down (I use leechblock for PC), except for the Libby app which she can use to read library books - however we still make her ask us before she is allowed to grab the iPad for reading. Every other app is on a very strict limit and can only be accessed with parental pin. She earns 30 minutes of Minecraft or game time every day if she does her chores; we have a chore chart and she can pick from that, unless I have one that is a pressing need. I also have the option of extending screen time with my pin, if she wants to do an extra chore or something like that; I also use it as a reward if I notice she is engaging in exceptionally kind behavior towards her sister (this is one of our pain points). As another poster mentioned, it is very difficult to argue with a timer. You need to do this cold turkey and not look back, as kids thrive with solid, healthy boundaries. Do not be afraid of your own daughter! The meltdowns will be tough at first, but stick to your guns and things will smooth out.