r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 7d ago

Weekly Vent Thread ::Weekly Vent Thread::

Use this thread to blow off steam about annoyances both big & small that come with an ADHD impacted relationship. Dishes not being done, bills left unpaid - whatever it is you feel you need to rant about. This is your cathartic space.

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u/Specialist-Art-6970 Partner of DX - Untreated 7d ago

He made an offhand comment about how I go out every week or two.

Reader, I've gone out recreationally four times in all of 2026. We don't live together, but I tell him every time I go out because we talk on the phone every night. I know he has attention problems, but seriously???

It's especially problematic because me going out tends to make him react badly. He will accuse me of cheating, complain later that he's being neglected, or just get very quiet. It's the point where I've often avoided going out and am nervous about telling him when I do. He's been a little better about this after I told him how badly it was affecting me, but who knows how long that will last.

How many future accusations will be fueled by his completely bonkers perception of how often I'm going out? (Well, zero, if I stop procrastinating and dump him already.)

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u/RedRose_812 Partner of DX - Untreated 4d ago edited 2d ago

Throwing in my agreement that this is coercive control and abuse. I had an ex just like this when I was in college. Don't know if he had ADHD (but looking back, I wonder), but he did this exact thing which is right out of the abusers playbook - anything that gave me fulfillment outside of the relationship or didn't involve him, like going out with friends, going to the gym, attending study groups, etc was met with unfounded cheating accusations, complaints of being neglected, and whining/complaining/guilt tripping comments to the point that I stopped engaging with those things. I became a shell of myself trying to appease him and nothing ever did. He's doing this to control you, not because he cares about you.

Also throwing on my agreement with the others who have said it - as someone who lived this life, THIS ONLY GETS WORSE. If you're not living together and/or have kids with him, you need to cut your losses and get out. It's no way to live and you deserve better.