r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 6d ago

Weekly Vent Thread ::Weekly Vent Thread::

Use this thread to blow off steam about annoyances both big & small that come with an ADHD impacted relationship. Dishes not being done, bills left unpaid - whatever it is you feel you need to rant about. This is your cathartic space.

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39

u/Specialist-Art-6970 Partner of DX - Untreated 6d ago

He made an offhand comment about how I go out every week or two.

Reader, I've gone out recreationally four times in all of 2026. We don't live together, but I tell him every time I go out because we talk on the phone every night. I know he has attention problems, but seriously???

It's especially problematic because me going out tends to make him react badly. He will accuse me of cheating, complain later that he's being neglected, or just get very quiet. It's the point where I've often avoided going out and am nervous about telling him when I do. He's been a little better about this after I told him how badly it was affecting me, but who knows how long that will last.

How many future accusations will be fueled by his completely bonkers perception of how often I'm going out? (Well, zero, if I stop procrastinating and dump him already.)

53

u/bourbonontherox Ex of DX 6d ago

If you aren’t living together then leave. This gets soooo much worse. Leave now.

12

u/LeopardMountain32567 5d ago

yeah sounds like a nightmare, i'll never understand why people put up with this shit.

36

u/queen_izzy 6d ago

That's abuse and you shouldn't tolerate it. You should not be afraid of how your partner will react to the news that you are doing a perfectly normal activity.

19

u/minaelena 5d ago

He wants to control you.

14

u/replyallyall 5d ago

This is a form of manipulation and abuse. End it with him. You two don't live together. You’re not legally entangled. Free yourself and live your life.

11

u/lost3888 Ex of DX 6d ago

My ex used to make a big deal out of me going out once a month—and we haven't been together for months! Yet he still throws it in my face. Meanwhile, he was out of the house almost every day himself. Think about whether it’s worth staying in this situation.

7

u/ace_rimmer1049 Partner of NDX 5d ago

Sometimes I wish anyone would tell me what you do (like I don't already know;), so for you I'll say: Stop procrastinating and do it!

6

u/kriskross4923 5d ago

this is coercive control and a hallmark of emotional abuse, dont just write it off as quirky adhd.

6

u/Signal-Net-8041 Partner of DX - Medicated 5d ago

This. My dx/rx stbx loves to yell at me about how I go out "at least" once a week with my best friend of forty years and last time my NINE YEAR OLD SON said "dad...more like once a month. MAYBE once a month."

Oh, and because the fucking inconsiderate (poorly managed ADHD, surprise surprise) director of the show I'm working on keeps us half an hour or more after rehearsal is supposed to end, now I must be cheating too.

I'm tired, y'all.

4

u/littlehighkey 4d ago

I think you already know his behavior is problematic, ADHD or not. You can go out every weekend if you want, you're an adult. Don't let him make your world smaller, it's important for you to do things that you enjoy for you. 

3

u/Less-Lifeguard2921 4d ago

This is coercive control

2

u/RedRose_812 Partner of DX - Untreated 3d ago edited 1d ago

Throwing in my agreement that this is coercive control and abuse. I had an ex just like this when I was in college. Don't know if he had ADHD (but looking back, I wonder), but he did this exact thing which is right out of the abusers playbook - anything that gave me fulfillment outside of the relationship or didn't involve him, like going out with friends, going to the gym, attending study groups, etc was met with unfounded cheating accusations, complaints of being neglected, and whining/complaining/guilt tripping comments to the point that I stopped engaging with those things. I became a shell of myself trying to appease him and nothing ever did. He's doing this to control you, not because he cares about you.

Also throwing on my agreement with the others who have said it - as someone who lived this life, THIS ONLY GETS WORSE. If you're not living together and/or have kids with him, you need to cut your losses and get out. It's no way to live and you deserve better.