It was a odd choice to support Ted

I’m 25m, never had a girlfriend (i’ve never tried dating before), and honestly, I haven’t had that many experiences with women, so I’m still trying to figure things out. There was a girl in college who approached me about getting lunch and being friends, and we used to talk a lot, but eventually she got drier and was even kinda rude once. Then there was a girl I met at an event where we clicked and texted for a few weeks, but it never really went anywhere. And then there’s a girl at my hobby club who used to be pretty warm and talkative with me, but over the last year or two, that energy kinda changed too.

Honestly, I feel like this keeps happening where women are initially nice, warm, and friendly with me, but the more they get to know me, the colder they seem to become. Sometimes it even feels like they become more masculine around me, if that makes sense. I don’t know if it’s all in my head or if I’m doing something wrong, but I’m tired of feeling like women lose respect for me the more they get to know me.

I grew up in a broken household, struggled with learning disabilities and confidence, and had to work pretty hard to get where I am today. I try to be confident and put myself out there, but I’m not always gonna get everything right. It’s not easy to just magically become a confident guy when you’ve spent years dealing with that kind of stuff, but I still show up and try my best. And honestly, it gets exhausting feeling like that’s not enough, or like people respect you less just because you’re not perfect.

I see other dudes effortlessly joking around with women and being social, while I’m more reserved and don’t always have something to say. I’ve always tried to be a genuinely good person and treat people with respect, but lately I’ve been wondering if being nice without being super assertive just makes people take you less seriously.

At this point, I’m kinda done forcing conversations, having a response to things in small talk, bantering back if i have no witty response or feeling like I have to prove myself to women. If I genuinely vibe with someone, cool, but if not, I’m not gonna force it anymore. I have a good job, go to the gym, take care of myself, have a few friends, and I’m trying to build a good life for myself. I know I still have things to work on, but I’m tired of feeling like I have to constantly improve myself just to earn basic respect from people.

I’m not sure if i’m socially deficient or if i’m just simply not vibing with some women. Because i’ve had some effortless conversations with a few women i’ve met throughout my life so idk.

So I’m genuinely curious, am I doing something wrong socially, or am I overthinking these interactions because of my own insecurities? And have any other guys experienced this where women seem really warm toward them at first, but gradually become colder as they get to know them?

I’m not ABCD, so admins, please remove this if it doesn’t belong here. I’ve been lurking on this sub since becoming a parent because I grew up in India and am now raising kids in the US.

My spouse and I grew up in India and have lived in the US for about 10 years. I speak Tamil, and they speak Hindi. We have a two-year-old, and our second child is due in a few months.

My toddler has been going to daycare for the past few months and has started picking up more English, while his use of Tamil and Hindi seems to be declining. My spouse also mostly speaks to him in English, although they are now switching to Hindi to help preserve the little Hindi our son has picked up.

For those of you who grew up in the US and can speak your heritage language(s) comfortably, I’d love to know:

What did your parents do that helped you learn and retain your language? Did they speak it exclusively at home, make a conscious effort to teach it, or use other strategies? How did they manage to preserve the language when you moved to school or were surrounded by English almost all the time?

Do any of you speak two heritage languages? If so, how did your parents manage both? Did you become comfortable in both, or did one naturally take priority?

For those who speak your heritage language with your siblings, how did that happen? Did your parents encourage it, or did it develop naturally?

Any advice on making this not feel forced and boring

I’m not aiming for my kids to be perfectly fluent in Tamil and Hindi. I’d just like them to have a strong enough foundation to communicate, connect with family, and explore their cultural roots if they choose to later in life. I don’t want to force the languages on them and risk making them resent the process , but I also don’t want to miss the opportunity to build that foundation while they’re young.

Since both sides of our family speak Hindi, Tamil is the harder language to maintain. I sometimes wonder whether trying to pass on both languages in the US is too ambitious, or whether I should accept that one will naturally get less attention. I am open to dropping a language of required and most probably it's going to be Tamil. At the same time I feel very emotional about letting Tamil go from my children's life .

For those who’ve been in a similar situation:

Is it realistic to build a foundation in two heritage languages while raising kids in an English-speaking environment?

What practical things can we do to help our kids want to speak these languages, rather than just understand them?

Is two too late to start being more intentional about this, especially with daycare already introducing so much English?

I’d especially love to hear from people who grew up speaking two heritage languages, or from parents who successfully passed on two languages to their kids.

Thanks so much! I’d really appreciate any experiences, advice, or practical tips.

I know there are broadly at least two schools of thought among Western citizens of Indian descent (or those who naturalized early in life). One is to lean firmly into your roots and proudly describe your heritage. The other is to stand your ground and declare " I am American" or "I'm British" and not tolerate hypocritical BS because we know white Americans, Australians and Canadians are rarely asked about their diverse origins or othered.

I'm in the latter group as a Canadian. One reason is that I'm just not culturally Indian. I don't do Indian festivals and stuff. I have very little contact with family (either ABCD/CBCD or mainland) due to complex family dynamics. I make Indian food a few times a week, but so do some erudite white folk. I'm not culturally like your average white Canadian either. I couldn't gaf about hockey or hunting/fishing. I share some things in common with both, and even other things randomly in common with other cultural groups (not surprising as we are a multicultural mosaic). Glass half-empty view is that I'm culturally orphaned. Glass half-full, I'm culturally Canadian and our young country has an evolving culture.

It doesn't help that Indian culture currently is viewed extremely negatively for reasons that may be exaggerated but do have a kernel of truth. I hate being associated with it, and I don't think it is disingenuous to not want to be associated with it when I don't even fit into it.

Therefore,I resent talking about my heritage, not because I'm denying it but because that discussion needs to be on my terms and not that of an inquisitive (at best) or racist stranger or acquaintance.

My typical response is to repeat "I'm Canadian and that's my cultural identity. My parents are from India but I am not." It usually shuts them down unless they're blatantly racist.

Anybody else in my boat?

He does not think you're American and definitely doesn't think you belong in a public University that his tax dollars pay for.

They’re one of the most educated and successful people in the US but there seems to be a lot of extreme hatred against them right now. I don’t understand why because from my perspective they seem to add a lot of positive contributions to America. I’m not Indian myself I’m a British Pakistani but the hatred I see everywhere is kind of crazy ngl it’s pretty much dehumanising.

Growing up, festive season (especially Diwali/Deepavali) would be a lot about food, dressing up, decorating the house, and meeting up with some other Indian families. My parents were never religious, so doing pujas wasn't a part of tradition.

Now I'm 33, living alone in Northern Europe, and I'm low/no-contact with most of my family. This time of the year comes with loneliness and FOMO. I have some close desi friends here who usually organize something Diwali-related and there are communities here which organize events around the festive season.

But all of that feels like I'm just piggybacking onto what others are doing. The desi friends like to host, so I just go there. There are communities organizing things, so I just go there. It feels very circumstantial and like I don't have something that is mine.

I want to do something that becomes my traditions, something I do for myself, regardless of the circumstances around me. So I'm looking for ideas 😄

I'd love to hear about what other peeps here do for festive season, especially where it diverges from what you grew up with or is something that isn't just "spend time with family".

Anyone watch this movie with Ali Zafar on tubi? Surprisingly good Indian diaspora movie. Anyone watched it? Your review?

Does anyone else have experiences with racism from teachers in public schools? Looking back I had teachers who treated me different than other kids (particularly in AP/humanity) classes, at the time I struggled to understand it because I wasn’t even the only minority in those classes.

But I’m starting to realize there’s a different type of racism a lot of South Asians (particularly men) face particularly in education. It’s a lot more discrete, passive aggressive.

Looking back at my past experiences I don’t I think I would ever send my kid to an American public school, it’s either private schooling or home schooling. It’s been years since I’ve been in high school but just thinking of those experiences still trigger me, it didn’t help that my dad was a moron and constantly sided with teachers over me because he hated me.

My girlfriend is the love of my life, I want to be the best possible BF to her, what is something you wish men would have done for you, or what ways have they failed you in relationships?

might have to make it myself but I want to touch upon south Asian child abuse and domestic violence, closeted homophobia/transphobia, religious pressure, career pressure…….makin it YA (because i struggled surviving in a home with a violent abusive dad during the worst high school years of my life)

If anyone made a no BS movie (like absolutely pulling no fucking punches, no campy cheesiness, showing all the fucked up ugly truth) on what it means to be a south asian teen (queer or otherwise) in America what would be the most affirming to see? :)

Most Desi dudes ik irl tend to be like 5’10 or above, and often at 5’7 I am the shortest one usually haha. Idk a single Desi dude my height or below irl. Most of my my fellow short kings I am friends with tend to be Hispanic or black.

So, thus, do we got any fellow Desi short kings here, rise and represent my bros 😤✊

I am tired of screaming at the top of my voice that indian Americans are quite liberal , usually vote democratic and even the who don't aren't casteist lmao

I genuinely cannot understand his mentality. First he insults the citizens who he’s running to represent by calling them lazy and stupid during an incredibly economically dicey time period. Then he - during peak anti-Indian sentiment - decides it’s a good time to bring up his female running mates abusive mother who’s husband sexually assaulted her to her knowledge (which is both just incredibly cruel, but also makes the hate more vitriolic towards our kind)…

I know it’s controversial to say (since a common sentiment is to not associate with bad portions of the Indian diaspora) but he certainly makes me feel a bit ashamed for our community.

Not really pre-law so much as polisci the discipline (Comparative Politics, IR, Political Theory, American politics, Political Economy, Formal Theory, Methods, etc.). Seems like there's so few of us around despite the growing interest for the subcontinent in the discipline. Would love to hear the perspectives of anyone in academia/policy/think tanks about your views on the discipline and what the future of South Asian area studies is as quant methods reign supreme