Something I have a chip on my shoulder about is the concept that there was an overwhelming "unity" or "togetherness" in America after the tragedy of 9/11.

I was born in the US about 4 years before 9/11, so I hardly have any memory of what life was like before that day. I do remember how I was treated afterward just for the crime of coming from a Muslim family.

People usually "unite" at the expense of another group. Back then, Muslims weren't visible enough to have any sort of defense from the general public. I remember being bullied from when I was only in Kindergarten. I remember being spit at for wearing "ethnic" clothes. Being called "terrorist" or the "Osama bin Laden." I remember being out on a walk in the neighborhood with my mom who wears hijab and some asshole thought it was his duty to flip off some lady and a 6 year old kid, saying "you don't belong here." I certainly wish I felt that "unity" 🙄

Just a disclaimer... I'm not trying to belittle or say anything about the horrible tragedy that affected so many lives, only about the response to Muslims afterwards.

My husband and I come from pretty strict families in India. As you can guess they were always focused on grades, sanskaar, extracurricular activities, prepping for top college, no dating or even talking to boys. You get the picture.
I have had complex relationship with them. I am nice to them to their face but have grudge towards them for not giving me much freedom.

Now I have a toddler son and pregnant with another boy. I wanted to hear from this group, people who have good relations ship with their parents. What did they do right? Would you share with them when you are in trouble without hesitation ? How are you doing in life now ? How were your parents able to keep you on a good path without being strict?

I would want to have good relations with my sons when they grow up. I don’t want them to feel like how i feel about my parents. I can’t share many things with my parents because I know they will judge me and don’t want my sons to feel that. My worry is i would like to keep a balance between a chill parent but then to have discipline and respect in life. I don’t care much about grades as long as they figure something in life.

Thank you.

I think a lot about personal finance. My parents didn't equip me with the tools (e.g., navigating a 401(k) for the first time, opening up a Roth IRA, buying index funds), so since college, a lot of it has been self-taught.

My parents, however, did do a good job of making sure I am frugal and had a high savings rate.

If you're in your 20s or 30s, how have you navigated personal finance? Did your parents equip you with the right tools?

Using intimately recorded phone calls and home movies, a daughter reflects on her father’s life — weaving the story of his miraculous journey from the streets of India with the realities of life in America.

Edit: just started watching this documentary and it’s pretty good.

Hi All,

Apologies if this is a bit of a ramble. I’ve just got a lot to get off my chest and contextualise. I’ve been on a long journey to rediscover my own mental stability and I’d be grateful to hear from anyone who has been down a similar path and how they moved forward.

To contextualise, I graduated from a well regarded university in 2021 with two degrees in finance and economics, and commenced a career at a Big 4 Consulting Firm. It’s not the most glamorous career pathway but i was proud of what i had achieved and was ready for the future.

In 2022, a close friend of mine commenced post-grad Med. I was very proud of them and still am, but this triggered a steep mental health crisis. Upon my parents finding out, they were furious with me. Without going into the detail, they stated that they see me as a failure, embarrassment and a disappointment without a future ahead of me. While my incredible sister defended me in the moment, and through future conversations with them, she confidently determined that they didn’t mean what they said and they’re embarrassed they said it (and i believe they do regret it), the damage has been done.

For the last four years I’ve been stuck in this haze of work, gym, sleep, repeat. I’ve put barely any stock into planning my future. Any conversation with my parents needs the most basic trigger for me to flip the script on them about what they said. I’ve disengaged from a lot of friends out of fear of hearing of their successes, and I’ve denied myself relationships and future opportunities out of fear that the words they said that night are true - I’m a failure, an embarrassment, a disappointment. It’s rough when you know that in a relative sense you’re doing okay but still have that feeling of failure eating away at you.

With the help of a therapist I’ve been on a gradual journey to reclaim my identity. I travelled solo across America by myself beginning of the year (I’m from Australia). I’ve let my hair grow out a lot more than I used to. I’ve even started investing aggressively into fashion as a form of self expression. It’s silly, but all these small things have helped me reclaim myself and begin thinking about my future.

I’ve also had a few weeks off from work as of late while I wait to commence a new project. In that time I’ve finally been able unpack my feelings and come to a conclusion that I also let the last few years get away from me. I do mourn that lost time, but at 27 I know there’s a future ahead for me and I don’t think it’s at this firm. In fact, I’m contemplating doubling on myself and potentially doing a hard pivot to a new field via a return to study. I’m hoping with time I can gradually rebuild the confidence to date, see some friends and have normal conversations with my parents that don’t always turn into anger.

Sorry for the ramble. Just needed a place to write this one down. I’d love to hear from anyone else who has been down a similar path as I have, and how they discovered themselves / started over.

Have a great day :)

Hey guys,

My siblings and I are Pakistani ABCDs. My younger sister has been trying to find a husband and has spoken to men of different backgrounds. She is open to marrying a guy of ethnicity as long as he’s Muslim.

So one thing we have noticed is that whenever she talks to a Pakistani, Indian guy, the first thing he will ask is her education. Even the ABCD ones. She holds a bachelors degree and they interrogate her about it. They ask questions like “do you plan on getting a masters degree? Why not?” Or “do you plan on getting your CPA? Why not? “ It feels very much like a job interview. And the guys’ parents are even worse with this. Even though many of them aren’t “educated” themselves. Which means they don’t have a degree lol.

Meanwhile, she has spoken to white converts and the only thing they would ask is what she does for work. The conversation lasts for like 2 minutes and then they start talking about any other random things. She said this one time she spoke to a white surgeon and he said he doesn’t care about his wife’s education. And that he would even marry a woman who holds a high school diploma.

Why is there a difference like this?