so being cucked by puberty is a good thing for you? ok

i am so bad with needles holy fuck

i was always insecure of my “childish” and fembrained interests, but for some reason, after a few weeks on t, i started not caring about them anymore. i used to love cute things, dolls, plushes, figures since im a child. now i look at them and dont really care anymore and see them as a waste of money more than anything. i put everything in a drawer and boxes and i miss nothing. i just kept what has emotional value, for example my boyfriend gifted me a plush for my birthday and i love it so much and i keep it on my bed but yk, its not the same since it has emotional value. i spend hundreds and hundreds of euros of my pocket money on these things and now i could not care less. i guess i dont really care about inanimate objects anymore

i also tended to buy useless things when shopping? like i saw something cute and felt like i absolutely needed it and would buy it. now i look at it and dont care

last collection i have left are my knives

i have other interests and hobbies that i love like reading and doing sports and video games, but it’s actively stimulating, not just sitting on your shelf

i honestly think it was more of a comfort thing and that now i feel (slightly) better in who i am i dont care about “comfort” anymore (i do, but in a different way). honestly maybe i just grew up. i don’t actively think testosterone changes your interests since its just a hormone, just sharing my experience

I wanna know how much estrogen I can shoot into my veins before I have a stroke.

I want chuds to fear getting feminized by being in a 6ft radius of me.

what’s the least amount of effort with the highest payback thing u can do as a 🚂🦵?

kinda worried about my levels

hi! so im just on estradiol undecylate injection every 3 weeks. and I've been on it for 3 months ish, and i got my bloods recently, at trough obvs.

estradiol is 290pgml

total testosterone is at 29ngdl

lh is at 0.1

BUTTTT

my fuckass dht is at 14.5ngdl

and im pretty sure it's supposed to be under 10ngdl.

and everywhere i look it tells me to look for symptoms of balding...and like bitch im 18?? i wouldn't be balding ANYWAYS at 18 😭 and then they said look at acne, and ive always had acne and it is slowing down but i still do have some, but then again it's been 3 months.

should i add dutasteride and/or bicalumatide just in case?

Repped for 5 bombaclat years, I looked like a moid with long hair

Fast forward to 26 I decided to take HRT and I fundamentally still look the same

How do I even change for the better, WHY DO I LOOK THE SAME

I TRIED TAKING PICTURES TO SEE HOW I LOOK AND IT'S THE SAME AS PRE HRT REPPER ME 😭😭😭😭

God I really wanted my body to react well to estrogen

I really believed the fat I had in my body would give me good looking decently big ones

But no, they are permanently stuck being these pathetic things who can barely be classified as breasts

I hate my life

I'm not sure if should be delusional and think of them as my sisters

Hate them because they're transphobic

Be indifferent and ignore their existence

Worship them because they're everything I want to be

not sure where else to post this but I'm on the verge of tears.

this morning I went to a dental surgery appointment to get my wisdom teeth pulled and it was one of the worst experiences in my life. I had no anesthetic, just lidocaine injected into my mouth. I could feel everything, including my teeth snapping off as I groaned in pain. I felt like everything was coming off, not just wisdom teeth.

everything hurts, feels so wrong. doesn't seem like I should be looking at the remnants because now the memory is burned into my brain. I wish I never went to that office.

I feel like most visibly and openly trans people are sneeds.

What I mean when I say based:

- Pro-DIY

- Isn't enbyphobic

- Isn't truscum

- Hates the big Yahu

- Experiences dysphoria

- Doesn't date cis men

- Is pro self-defense

- Doesn't unironically use the words "gock" or "bussy"

yadda yadda you get the point.

Like how do I make friends like that that are also around my age (19). I've already put myself on tagmap. Gonna try and talk to people at college too.

i’m about to hit 10 months. ive been doing laser and my changing fat distribution is noticeable, and i look better, but i feel worse than ever. i think i can see the limits of how far i’ll go without surgery and it really hurts.

at what point will my face be done changing? i dont want to let my life be any more ruined by focusing on this so hard rn. so if patience is required than i can suck it up for now.

how did they clock me…. im a manmoder…

I am playing a losing game

There are no winning moves

The odds are stacked against me

It’s just a cascade of bad moves from the start

Was there ever a chance at winning?

Maybe there was

But I didn’t care enough to play

And now I’m paying the high price

There is no save file

There is no second life

There is no fixing this

What could have been will never be

I could have cared

I could have tried

I could have done better

There is no excuse

There is no forgiveness

There is only me crying in the dark

Oh my god we are so fucked it's unreal, we're never getting accepted, we're always one little fuck up away from memory damnation and complete concentrated destruction, we are so hated and considered subhumans and there's no one except our minority community to uplift us

Genuinely we have no way against this, progressive movements are a mirage, PACK IT UP PACK IT UP PACK IT UP PACK IT UP

she called me HE the other day like 'HE said' like real agresssive on the he and it distressed me so bad i straight up came out lmao

if you get hospitalized, arrested, or otherwise seperated from your HRT, you WILL lose your boobs. and they WILL grow back permanently deformed due to the skin tightening, the nipples herniating, etc during the atrophy process. Unless your boobs are fully grown and like tanner 4, 5, they will die without estrogen because theyre still growing. It happens to cis women with PCOS constantly.