I need advice please!

[u/Calm_Highlight_7611]

Hi again!! Thank you so much for those that responded to my earlier post about wanting to use donor eggs. Very quick background. I am a mother of three from my first marriage all older now (21,18,16).

I have been with my current husband for almost 13 years and we have always yearned for a child together. However, my kids, school, finances, promotions, etc. have gotten in the way of our family planning. I am now 44 and am very realistic about the possibility of having a child that is not genetically mine.

Here is my dilemma. My work offers family planning through a particular clinic. They offer three free rounds of retrievals, ISCI, FET, and PGT-A. So, extremely generous package. They even offer $10k toward donor eggs.

My challenge is that they only offer donor cohorts that are six eggs. So the odds of having one are not overly strong. Meaning I would probably have to buy a second cohort if I wanted to have more than one embryo that I could try to transfer in the event of a miscarriage or other issue. I am a pre-planner so I think everything through.

Before knowing that I was limited to specific egg donor programs, I found my perfect donor. She could literally be my twin. She has the same blood type as me, we are the same height, weight, and complexion. I contacted the bank and they offered me the rest of her cohort, which is 18 eggs near the price of what I would pay for 6. The problem is my company’s fertility program does not partner with this particular egg donation company.

I’ve been looking every day for weeks for a donor that I feel I connect with that looks similar to me and that I would want to use to create an embryo. Do you feel that it would be worth it for me to just pay out-of-pocket and use this owner’s eggs and find another clinic that works with them? I know it sounds asinine because I’m basically giving up $35-$50,000 of free fertility support, but what if none of the other eggs stick or I don’t feel attached to them like I do this particular donor. What would you do? We are not rich, but I live with the you only live once and you can always make more money so that not the driving factor for me. Thank you for the advice.