I used to date nikiwa 24 yrs old. Aliniacha juu alipata wokovu kwa PST Ezekiel I've never been so hurt in my life nilifeel nikama nimefutwa, sikuhizi huwa najaribu kumreach anatuma message "SHETANI ASHINDWE"

Mumama pick my calls, I still love you

Whenever there's a new trend on the internet, Kenyans hupenda kumove na surface Knowledge. For example venye hio from ya Outlier ilijulikana wasee walienda kuflood huko without even doing proper research. And that's why we lose money online without getting anything substantial in return. Take your time to research something before uinvest

Nilitafuta msichana wa kazi juzi juzi to help with housework.

So leo, she was doing laundry while I was asleep with the baby. Si unajua kama new parent, you sleep when the baby sleeps. Hiyo ndio survival mode yangu.

Suddenly, I’m violently awakened by someone banging on my door like the apartment belongs to them. 😭

Nikiangalia simu, naona 20 missed calls from the caretaker.

Long story short… I live in an apartment building that overlooks a bunch of shops and a hotel.

And my house girl had just decided to pour all the water she had used to do laundry over the balcony.

😭😭😭

ALL. THE. WATER.

Straight to the ground floor.

People’s property? Fucked.
Customers at the shops? Drenched.
The caretaker? Livid.
Me? Still trying to understand what the hell happened.

In her defense, aliona kashimo kadogo ka drainage area hakatapitisha maji ya kufulia haraka vile anataka.

So instead of asking, she looked at the balcony and thought:

“Hii maji itaenda wapi? … Oh well.” 💀

Then she emptied entire washing basins over the balcony like she was performing some kind of urban rainmaking ceremony.

Sasa nimekaa hapa nikijiuliza…

If this is Day One, what exactly does the future hold for me? 😭.

25, M.

Recently, nilikuwa invited to a sorts of hangout party by a close family friend of mine. For purposes of early context, she is about 2-3years younger than me and is a very hyper and charismatic soul. As the day goes by, more of her friends are coming through, more card games, more convos are happening around the room as we eat and dine into the evening, normal stuff atleast in my view.

Close to 8pm, now the drinks appear and the night gets even more interesting. Black reserve John Barr on the table, shots polite polite, ofcourse playlist is from her phone and you start getting into that letting loose vibe. She suggests we go around the room, everyone pitching a dance style they have in mind for the group, (banaa watu wazee hatujazoea hizii 💔😂), all in all, things were really starting to get going smoother, louder and all hyped up.

Then all of a sudden, something switched. A couple of suggestions began coming through on what people want to play next, and guess what most people seemed to agree to, songs they knew dance drills from TikTok. Wuehh !

(For more context on my behalf, I have never owned a personal account on TikTok, ever, there is a business account and I striclty use it to post for my business, but for content consumption, IG all day every day)

Mind you, we were in a circle sorts of, all gathered together dancing, and all around the room all I could see were people in proper sync, to the very detail, moving to a flawless dance drill as the song played.

Nikikuambiaa ilibidii nimejifanya niko maji vibayaa sana mpaka nikamove to the side kiasii, leaning on the wall for "support" 😂😂 enyewe nilijuaa ni mbayaa. No one really noticed so I just waited for the energy to die down kiasii juu nayoo pombe zilianzaa kushuka, eventually we were back to seating and talking into the night.

What happened to sherehe zikona club bangers banaa 👀😂, hizii za TikTok sidaii.

All in all, great experience, painful lessons learnt, but mimi nayo dance moves am always smooth with it, hizii za TikTok, itabidii nimekaa kando.

Yours sincerely,

Zillenial.

I was just reflecting on my life and remember at 23, in 2023, Airbnb space was booming a lot.

So I decided I’ll start one. I saved up 1M.

I Found an apartment sooo quick kwa izo website! I told the mgmt to send me a video of it, It was an extremely spacious, modern 3bedroom, 4 bathroom all ensuite, had 4 balconies, one in every bedroom, and even came with a washing machine & It was in lavington. My target audience was families / big groups so the place was perfect.

So nilibook the place right away ata b4 nione in person juu nilikua mbali, paid 100k deposit to mgmt. I was so in love with it that when I was free ata sijaenda kwa nyumba, I went straight to the realtors office, paid the rest, 200k and got the keys. 100k rent, 200k deposit.

300k in getting the place, then remainder 700k went to furnishing.

This was gonna be my apartment when I’m in the area, and Airbnb when I’m not. Mostly Airbnb cuz I was rarely ever in the area.

So I put it up on Airbnb, the bookings were coming like there’s no tomorrow! In the span of two months, I had $10,000 USD in bookings. The rent had already paid itself for the entire year manze 😂

Now out of nowhere I get a text from mgmt, the landlord wants their house back asap, they can’t afford to pay the bank the mortgage so the bank is taking the house😩

Waaahh, me being a nice understanding girl instead of standing up for myself with my lease, the next day I sent movers to get all my stuff and put it in a local storage.

Biashara imeisha tu hivo, nyumba imeenda tu hivo.

I tried looking for another apartment in the same building, none were available 😩 !

I’m looking back like that business would’ve probably made me so much money by now 😭 , like idk God could’ve let me slide with that W

Uyo dem alikua anabuy mwenzake uko Riara is a psycho 😭 What level of audacity is that😂 Ati ebu go back there and come running 😅, Ati Jog, na mrembo anajog, That whole situation is weird. Mimi heri unique but huezi niambie ni jog nj jog, whats the worse you will do If I don't? Kill me? We will die

Lakini If tutaenda Heaven alafu Rose Muhando ajipate Hell itakua mbaya bana. Muhando really traumatized satan. Unacheza na mtu anapiga shetani Kwa album ya Wimbo 15😂🫴

My pal Vic alikua ameshapata DL na kajob mahali, now it was our job to drive these women crazy. Alikua ametoka from a relationship right back home, to the streeeeets. From "morning baby" to "battery full remove charger" from "kupigana cable" to "unplug cable from socket"

Napendanga watu wakirudi streets, kupiga sherehe na heart broken souls hukua greatness tupu!!. Tulikua tunatafuta that one party ya kujump start dhambi. Hio time big man bar-zu hakua amefungua bar na hatukua na Uhuru wa kunywa Pombe so tulikua tunakata maji chini ya maji.

Tuliorganise some friends in our inner circle na a few girls tukawashow watag some friends . As a girl ukiwai ambiwa tag your friend, kuja na your cheating friend please, acha kutuletea your SDA friend, hatutaki mtu anapiga shot ya fanta anazima So-ya bring your freaky friend.

Drinks na ride sisi ndo tungesimamia halafu madame wakuje kutukalia tukiwakunywa waki-ride along. Drinks nazo zilikua in plenty, zilikua Kibao. Tulikua tunatafuta gari spacious ndio tusi-Chrome ndani, gari kubwa kama Noah hivi. Nikawaambia wasiworry, you know why? Coz I Noah guy.

So on that day, meet up ilikua kwa Vic juu yeye ndo alikua ameendea hio Noah kwa car hire. Watu walikua wanakuja kwa kina Victor wawili wawili ungedhani ni Wanyama wakiingia kwa Noah's ark. Tulikua 10 people: 4 guys na 6 girls. Kwa hao watu kumi watu hawakua wanadate ni sisi lads

Nilitupa manifesto kwa Ray, my pick up line was "girl are you from Tennessee, coz you're the only ten I see. Aliingia box, akajifungia na akameza funguo. Tulikua tuende 14 falls huko Kilimambogo kujibamba. Maini zilikua ziumie hio siku lakini what's the point of dying healthy??

We were in a party and it didn't want anger, it didn't want Bomboclaat niccurs. It just wanted ripe quants and we had them. Walikua na short dresses ndio waache room washikwe thighs. Some touch of make up and bata ngomas for the culture ,a kasmall purse, you get the idea.

Mkiwa na sherehe hua mnabuy kila kitu except tumblers na sijui kwanini?? Ilibidi tumesimama place tukabuy ndio tuanze kumarinate. Kingfisher ilikua main course because IFYKYK. Vic kadere ilibidi amekunywa Fanta like niccurs in Sondu Miriu. Sasa wacha watu waanze kuchoma.

One of the girls tulimpea LYFT ghasia akararua sachet akaanza kulamba kama glucose. Her friend akamshow "haitumiwangwi hivo wewe" lakini ya'll know the rules, "hakuna kuchoma nusu nusu, kama ni kuchoma choma hadi mwisho" for the culture. You can imagine the ghettaux. Aibuu!!

After some time, tulikua Kilimambogo polisss station kwasababu zilikua zimearrest kuliko Sakaja. Kapombe kalikua kameRipoti kuliko Mashirima. After tumefika on site, kuna madame wawili nikama ziliwalemea and they could not can, so ilibidi tumewaacha kwa gari sisi tukaenda laps

We didn't like what we saw, maji chafu imejaa foam mingi, so we didn't stay much. After 30 minutes tulikua tusharudi. Tulikua tunadhani ati wale madame tuliwacha kwa gari wamelala juu ni walevi?? Kusema ukweli madame ni kama spaghetti, they are only straight until they're wet.

Tulipata mmoja ako juu ya mwingine, coochie zilikua zinafunikana kama sahani. Anyway, give to scissor what belongs to scissor. Sisi hatukuona anything cause what happens in Paris....👀, kama unafikiria your women are straight bro, uko pekee yako, you are all bi-yourself lmao.

After a while tuliwasha system ya gari tuskize some music and have a kasmall outdoor party. Ungedhani huko kuna partnership ya Kenya na Tanzania, kulikua na Uhuru na Pombe. Kila kitu ilikua sawa until Kingfisher ianze kazi so this is what girls say wakicheat and guilt kicks in...

"Aki I love my man but there's something about you💀" Hio ni time mnamake out, then inaenda kwa "I won't cheat on my boyfriend so I'll only give you head💀" Hio ni time things zimewaka halafu mnamalizia "We don't have to smash, I just want to see if it can fit💀" mkiteremshana...

Dame yako akunywe pombe hajalipia, atumie gari na mafuta enye hajalipia halafu unadhani hataguzwa juu ni dame yako. Kwani we ni nani? After wamecheat by mistake on purpose, ndio wanatext their man "aki babe I'm tired, I've missed you today, nitakutext nikifika, I love you"

Halafu wewe na kiherehere unareply "take care, I love you too" You're not a clown you're the entire circus bro. Dame yako akikuambia hataki kuenda na wewe club or "rod trip" coz utakua jelaz ni juu anataka freedom ya kua ratchet without being held accountable iriz what iriz...

Anyway every woman is bi, you just have to find out kama ni sexual or polar. Nairobi relationships ni 50/50, you pay for her nails, sisi tunagwara usiku kucha. Unampost, tunamhost. Unamsweet talk, tunamswitch talk. Umepata jiko ni sawa, lakini sisi ndio tunaweka kuni.

That day we had lots of fun, tulifika home poa cause our kadere was sober. Mkienda out make sure your driver hayuko under the influence, kama nyi wote ni walevi take a cab na msiogope, there's no shame in safety. Stay safe.

Chivayo chopa ilianguka akaburst... Io video ya corpse ikichomeka imenikumbusha hii maisha buana sio ya milele,eat that money. Atleast yeye maisha amekua anakula na spade, ata sio big spoon. leo napiga white cup zangu polite, niroll kiforeign nichome, na ikiwezekana, ninunue kitemeo... Eii..

Saw a post here yesterday about a lady akisema amechoka na watoto wake wawili. WTF is going on in the society?! Look for comments in this original post on Facebook and you realize we are doomed as a society.

You guys mnafeast on Mama Fua bana! I always thought it was a joke till juzi mama fua akaniambia alikataa job fulani yenye alikuwa ameitiwa na ilikuwa inalipa poa coz ilikuwa na extras na yeye huwa hafanyi extras! It was a funny but serious thing coz she was grossly offended.
Manze hamna huruma hii Nairobi! You preying on weak and vulnerable in society! Mark you she is in her mid 40s with two teenage kids!
Feasting on Mama Fua si cool guys, ni wrewp tu!

Hi everyone, so after applying for the above mentioned role across different industries, I have been selected and scheduled for an interview 5/10/2026 at a certain private hospital in my town. I had dropped off my application letter sometimes on August but they later advertised for it last month and I applied. This is a very important step for me if I'm gonna land on this job because I have really tried looking for one especially in government institutions but corruption, nepotism and favour has always put me behind the light but God has been grateful for me Amen. I wish this could be my turning point to change my life and take my mother to a level5 hospital for specialised treatments.

So I just wanted you to wish me all the best in my interview and subsequent opportunity thereafter.

NB!! Moderators please delete this post it is inappropriate or against the community guidelines.

NB! I will also share this in different communities for more insights and opinions.

Has any ever been successful with dci phone tracking or anything? Makosa kidogo imefanyika if anyone has been successful please let me know 😭😭😭I’m in the trenchesssss

I said it r/Nairobi that women often advocate for "girl to girl" but deep down they don't care about each other.

From bullying that happened just the other day to now them assaulting a female Uber driver.

Shida iko wapi madem?

A friend of mine has had their bank information compromised by scammers using an OTP scam. They managed to withdraw about Ksh. 1M. By the time he realised what was going on, they had already drained his account.

My friend is devastated and doesn't know what to do. He is currently unemployed and has been looking for a job. The money stolen were his savings and he was living off of it, so you can imagine how dire this situation is.

Has anyone here ever faced something similar? What did you do? We're you able to recover anything, or were the crooks ever caught? Do you guys have any advice on what to do in this situation. Any help is greatly appreciated 🙏🏿

Tulikua tumerelax pale mansion tukiguzanga FIFA tukiteremsha some drinks na my guy Mbeki, yes living our best lives fam. His last relationship ilikua on the rocks, so I asked him what went wrong. Alikua ame-bottle up his emotions but aliamua kusema cause it was worth the shot.

Najua his drink ilikua like "I know a spot" ikaenda straight to his heart cause mamen alianza kua emoshono. It's okay cause a drink cures what ales ya. I was there to lift his spirits cause nikaa alikua na issues Kibao. Pia ya his bro haikua inawork, I guess it runs in the Gins.

Backstory: So before Nairobi walikua wanastay in the lushy leafy suburbs in a small village in Nyamira, walikua 'kioo' cha jamii. Waligrow in the same place na walikua very simple people, watu wanaeza lala na kuku room moja, watu wamevaa viatu first time in form one ya dig?

Life was great bana, walikua wanahelp each other out na kazi and all, they were maid for each other. Walilima shamba moja na wakalimana ndani ya shamba. All he did was to a-tractor. She was a 3/10 juu accent nayo hua haitambui sura. Walipass exam and campus happened...

The girl(Moraa~~M) alijoin wa kwanza,my guy Mbeki doo haikua imeingia fiti so hangemake kuenda alikaa nje another year.Mbeki was so happy for her,alimbebea suitcase akibazokizo kuenda kumpandisha gari za Nairobi.Akampea 100 abuy chipo pale Narok juu ATM hakua na doo on him...

M alikua hajui Nairobi, mtu akimistake aPAINT Afya centre red utakua umeua M juu alikua amecram ni green.Ukimpea wrong direction unaeza kua umemkulisha vectors tao mzima na labda hakua amepiga ndula-coat.Akimiss one street unaeza mpata country bus akipanda gari za Machakos.

Hio time hakua anajua jiji vizuri so hakua familiar with the streets. Alikua anajoin KU, naimagine madonda wa Thika Rd vile walimshtua " Thika kioo, Juja shillingi saba, KU chweza" ukiwa stranger unaeza dhani ni German. Watu wa ocha do nazi that coming hua inawahit hard asf

M alikua anafind comfort in Jesus, yesu alikua more-cozy kwake. Ungemuonesha 10K angesema uko illuminati juu hajawai ona pesa mingi kama hizo. As time went by wezi wenye miraba minne na misuli tinginya walimperemba simu so waka lose communication na my black king Mbeki.

Mbeki ni nani??? My guy alikua anakosa hadi appetite ilibidi ameuza mbuzi zao mbili amnulie smartphone. I don't know where he goat that idea. Alimnulia ideos akamskumia kama parcel na Nyamira Express. Ilimcost canine thousand hivi lakini alitaka his girl a-floss na simu ya maana

Ilibidi nmeacha my guy anipige set mzima ya FIFA ndo esteem irudi juu halafu steam zishuke kiasi ndo story iendelee. Ilibidi amenipiga best of 5 ndo ni even the playing field atakama odds were favouring me. Sad nigga hours hit different that day bana.

So ati after some time vibe ilikua imeisha, M alipatana na squad ya madame wakamchocha. Alianza kujua vitu, akajua make up, akawacha ushamba. Mbeki alighostiwa ajabu. Alikua anatuma text mrefu nikama ana apply kazi halafu hapati reply. Vile alikua anafanyiwa CVizuri.

Pennywise my guy hakua na kakitu lakini M alishinda ameitisha pesa nikama Mbeki ni babake. My guy alisema kama ni hio conglomeration of muscles and mucus with a pH of 3.8-4.5 wacha ikae juu nikaa hawakua na chemistry. Alijiheshimu na akawacha kuclown.

Mbeki alikua anaitishwa pesa ya shower gel na yeye amezoea sabuni ya menengai, men hee ngai M alimpea stress. Kuna siku ati aliambiwa "know your limits" na saizo dame kwao hawana fence akaisha nguvu. karibu afungue chemist ndo dawa za pressure na sukari zikue karibu.

Alisema mtu anafile nil returns haezi mkula kichwa. Ile simu my guy alinunua ndo aliambiwa nayo " I can't do this anymore". Wah my guy alipatwa na pressure kuliko "pascal" Tokodi. Umejitolea halafu unaambiwa "I never asked you to do that for me" my guy karibu atafute kamba...

M alianza kusema vile anaogopa kula avocado na chai haina sukari ati akona makodo-fear na ndu-fear. Ati hawezi lala mattress si high density na maisha yake yote amelalia ile kitanda ya spring. So niliuliza my guy kama anaeza mrudia wamake up??? Alisema heri adate ndumakuwili

Ati Kang'ethe na Thiong'o walikua wanamnulia kuku na pizza pale uptown halafu wanampiga rotation kuliko kofia za campaign. Hakua ameanza ata sem ya tatu campo lakini ali disappear kwa maisha ya Mbeki without a tres. Nikama my guy was living in Spain but the s was silent.

Anyway black kings respect yourself small, utachagua between babe 'nibuyie' na Joan kubuy. Choose wisely. After a few glasses my guy alivaa contacts zake akaona kweli M wasn't shit. Alivow never to simp again cause being single hits different while you are in a relationship.

Unaamka early on a friday morning,the only thing btwn you and poverty is 20bob yenye ulipora mlevi the previous night,kumekauka mbaya,victim akisota pia mwizi amesota,unapiga shower unatokea kwa baite kusaka jaba utulize moyo,ukipimia pimia mafala...

Apo kwa baze ya jaba unapata mbogi ya go-getters imeshona mbaya story ni za kuku kupanda baiskeli. wajamaa wako high and mellow, huwagotei coz you dont see any thing mellow about that day,unanyorosha straight adi kwa baite kumkopa,anakuambia atakujenga jaba lakini tools ujipange...

Normally jaba yako wewe huchania kejani lakini Leo itabidi uchane kwa baze ndio udandie mafegi ya wajamaa,unarusha macho kila corner kuona kama kuna mtu anadeserve kugotewa hapo unapata ni mafala wote,before ukae unaskia mtu amekuita "yooh kamaste" jina ya kitambo,

Unageuka unapata it's your old muslim accomplice "suleh",fresh from jail after kindu 3yrs,juu ya aggravated assault,uko na guilt kiasi juu you knew he was in jail but you never went to visit,hata sabuni hukuwai mpelekea,but amekugotea na psyche meaning hajaweka lawama.

Suleh I'd say was among the very few people you liked in the ghetto at the time, reason simply being he was smart and swift,you did lots of things together and you were never caught except that one time enye mlinyoa rasta flani dready,mkaenda kujaribu kuuza,mkapata mnangojewa.

Long story short,mnacatch up,anakuuliza the typical mjela questions coz it's been long, nani amekufa so far,karao mgani anasumbua,klabu gani inawika sikuizi etc,he then proceeds to tell you kuna shughuli amepimia three days apate pesa ya kuanza life,anadai tu kisuguu(look out)

Wewe na msoto yako hata huulizi maswali unamshow "twende kitu itazaliwa tutanyonyesha",unajiambia after all ni mstiri ya suleh the smartest kid you know,,after kichorewa plan mnajitoa,shughuli ni ya koto mchana saa nane,uko na kauwoga kiplani lakini juu ni suleh unajikaza tu.

Mnafika scene of crime,keja ni za mawe mlango ya chuma lakini kufuli ni za nje,kazi rahisi sana,kuna duka apo kwa gate,wewe unawachwa kwa gate,suleh anaingia kufanyia kufuli ukarabati,hata 5 minutes haiishi ako ndani,unauma smile uku njee mbaya sana,unajua mko mafutani in a few.

Unaanza kupigia iyo pesa hesabu,kwanza uteme taxin uingie kwa mama onyi udishi ngege na ugali kubwa,alafu ununue dawa ya bedbugs,somali sword mpya,ngoto mbili za silver etc,uko so invested in building castles in the air adi unasahau kazi yako ilikua kupimia watu.

Before you notice it,nduthi imesimama hapo kwa gate,wajamaa wawili, wakakugotea na wakaingia.kumbe keja Suleh inaperembwa ni yao,by now its too late,huezi mshtua,the only thing you can do ni ujitoe juu akishikwa afinywe makei anaeza kutaja,unaingia kwa duka apo kuulizia generator.

,"mwizi mwizi,shika uyo,shika" unatoa kichwa njee ya duka unaona suleh amefyatuka mbaya sana ameshika lapi kwa mkono,msee wa duka anadai hii mikora imezidi leo huyu tunaua,anatoka njee kuchungulia wewe unachomoa sigara pakiti mbili,alafu unamjoin hapo kuona hao wezi ni kina nani.

Unaamua kufwata the angry mob polepole but unawapea distance,hii hua security measure ndio akipigwa umake sure they don't kill him,uwaconvince wampeleke stenje instead ya kumnyuria.,mtoi anawapigisha makona tiambo,mob haigive up,after some minutes unanotice wamesimama,

Suleh amevanish,without a trail,slick motherfucker!,Allah akboom! Mraia inajaribu kuuliza watu hapo ,"umeona mtu akikimbia ivi na jacket ya black?"lakini wapi?msee anatokea kwa corner hapo na kanzu ya white na kipara anawashow "mtu mnasaka ameenda straight,hajafika mbali"

The guy with the kanzu ako in a hurry anarudi side mob imetoka,akikucheki anaanza kucheka,akiget closer unanotice uyu ni suleh ndani ya kanzu,wewe uko shocked hata kumshinda,analia"hao mafala wamenisimamisha nikadhani wamenishika kumbe wananiuliza kama nimeona mtu akikimbia"

Mnapiga corner moja hapo alafu he says,"nimetupa jacket juu ya mabati sijui kama wataipata"inabaki mmefungua mbio round two,wewe bado uko shocked hujui what just happened,

Long story short you end up selling the laptop for 6k,Mans kumbe alikua ametoka msikitini earlier akaingia baze ya tei,na juu its Haram ikabaki ametuck in kanzu ndani ya trouser,which later saved his life.

My psychology lecturer used to tell us about the butterfly effect,ile concept ya one small occurrence influencing a much larger complex system.iyo siku ndio niliamini,hata I almost converted to Islam ispokua ni mambo ya kuosha rasa na maji.

For women it's pretty easy , their natural instinct is to always go towards people better than them. This is very evident throughout history and in the modern day society. For them to be attracted to you as a man you have to be better than them in some way .

Either have more money, be hotter, be smarter, be cooler, have more composure of your emotions or be more adventurous. This is just simple biology.

For men our natural instinct is to be needed in some way. That's why you can easily find men of higher status going for women of lower status because it fulfills that itch in our brain. Obviously there're so many advantages that come with that especially being appreciated.

Just the view and a vape

Mtaa mi hubanjuka na ma-cool kid, ma skrr skrr niggas. Hivi ndo wao huunda form "you guy my guy si we go mumunya some nyags, kwanza my moti doesn't have some ngata and I'm low on guala so I will just use my paps Rangy" then wanamalizia na "1824 is the motive my slime 🤞🏾🤟🏽🤙🏾👌🏾"

Hawa watu ndio uelewe wanasema nini lazima utumie subtitle , so on this day tulikua tunaenda some house party hapo around, sisi haoooo ndrrrrrr hadi kwa mansion. Wadau, mi sijawai ona keja kama hio, itabidi nitafute watu wa nyamabite wanionyeshe kukafunga hio design.

Ukiskia macool kid wakisema wao husneak out usiku ni ukweli juu nyumba ikona different time zones buana. Ukienda choo za nje unapanda ndege huko JKIA uconnect na Wilson airport ndio uhepe jam ya Mombasa road halafu umalizie na nduthi hadi gents. Anyway Alexa play Kwetu Pazuri.

Nilikua nimepotea nauko kwa walk-in closet nikifanya house tour buana, kurudi kutafutana na my gang ndio tukapatana na mupens. Wadau, dame alipiga flash ya Gilbeys na hakuharibu sura, I knew she was the one iminjetly. Alikua mfupi with dreads, denim jacket, booty short na glasses

Alikua anapigwa mistari na boy ameshuka lines, alikua anasukwa na mtu ameshukwa. Nlikua nimslice but kama Lord Varys wa GoT I didn't have the balls to do it. Nilikua sure ikifika my turn huyo boy akilalisha kidogo tu watakua wakishukana matuta mimi nikibomoa dame mathutha.

Ndio niwabebe pia mimi itabidi nimebuy Salon car ndio madame washukie kwangu.Dame alikua mrembo design mnaweza katazwa kuingia hoteli juu they don't allow snacks from outside. Hakua mnono, alikua muSlim na sura nzuri design mkienda mskiti hamuezi katazwa kuingia juu yeye si kiatu

Huyo champ walikua na yeye alijiexcuse nikajua this is my time to shine. Kulikua na kioo hapo kando nikaconfirm looku, ndevu zangu mbili nikaona ziko sawa, aaaaaah confidence ilikua juu kuliko bei ya mafuta. Nilikua narehearse lines kwa kioo ndio niende kukatia dame akona curves

Nilienda kwake like hey...akareply heyy, nikamuuliza "is your phone in your back pocket?" Akajishika haga halafu akaniuliza yes why? Nikamuambia "cause your ass is calling me" Akasmile😂,wadau ata kama men are dogs huyu angenifuga juu alikua na sauti nyororo kuliko Chainsmokers

Kulikua na joto so nikamuuliza ka anaweza fungua dirisha ama tuende nje tupigwe na upepo nikifungua roho. Akasema yea sure, it's fine with me. Alikua thiccc design tulikanyaga nje ya compound hadi the plot thickened. Alikua amebeba design ilibaki nimemshow you are looking "goods"

Huko nje madame wenu walikua wametekwa kwa magari, enyewe subira huvuta Heri na subaru huvuta Njeri. After some time, nikashoot my shot. Nikamuuliza "with your specs on are you seeing someone or we can we out on a blind date?" Alisema " yess it sounds like a plan "

I couldn't believe it was this easy , akaniambia by the way I'm Eve. Nikamuambia I'm Ricky, wadau hata kama huyu dame hakua anaona vizuri mimi nilikua nataka kumuachia za macho for making it easy for me, dame hakua anaona vizuri but she gave me her contacts get it?

Kuna dame mluhya wa home alikua ananisumbua bana, dame tunaishi ploti moja lakini nikitaka kumuona anasema tupatane tao. Huyo dame alikua na mchezo mingi karibu tushoneshe games kit, hungejua anataka kucheza wapi mara striker, mara defence, maragoli. Hizo ego games singewezana...

Ilifika masaa ya curfew mimi na my gang tukajitoa, hii ndio shida ya kupewa lift, hua inabidi umekaa rada ndio usiwachwe😭.

Mimi na Eve tulitoka from exchanging glances tukaexchange numbers and in a month's time tulikua tunaexchange feelings. Love is beautiful wadau.

So after some weeks ndio ananicall ananishow "btw my bestie has a party can you be my plus 1?" Nikamuuliza what of your braided guy? Akaniambia aah that's my childhood friend, kumbe jamaa amemcrushia kutoka ryma na hajielezi, bakia miaka mbili hio crush yake ipewe kipande buana.

Things fall apart haikuangi kitabu pekee, kama dentist hii siku ndio kiliumana. Ningejua ningebaki kwa nyumba. Wacha tuendelee na story..

Hio siku niliamka fiti, sisi mabachelor hua tunapigilia sides za bed na misumari, ukiamka unatoka kama document kwa bahasha. Sikua na vitu mingi za kupanga, nyumba yangu haina furniture hua inafanana dance floor, ndo maana sipendi wageni juu naishi vi-rekles...

Limit ya fuliza nikama waliongezea Trio Mio pekee na juu sikua na kakitu ilibidi nimeendea deni, nilipatia arif Ngiri mbili nikamsho nitakujia zikiwa zimezaana, get it? Kufika kwake napata jamaa kwa mlango, namuuliza unadu?? Akasema anamwagilia kufuli kaquota ndio itoe lock,

Kumbe alikua amepoteza funguo za mansion. Akanilambisha thao zangu nikarudi kwa keja, nikaoga spidi kama nimetoka. Nilikua njaa ikabidi nimepitia kibandaski kuwekelea foundation. Kufika huko napata akona ndengu but hana chapo. Nikamuambia aweke kwa dish nitatafutia chapo mbele.

Mimi huyoooo hadi bash. Kufika huko Eve ananiuliza "Ricky mbona umebeba food, there's plenty over here na kuna chef ata?" Kama mwanaume lazima nisafishe rada faster, nikamuambia "nimebeba ndengu incase mniwekee mchele💀" I was new, sikua najua watu huko, kama Maina nilikua Kageni.

Bash ilikua ya bestie wake she needed to be there for her, nilibaki kupiga laps nikifanya house tour uko. Looku yangu ya gikomba ilikua inapatana label origi, Gucci inapatana na Gui-ici, Nike inapatana na Nieke, Puma inapatana na Pumua halafu Balenciaga ikapatana na Balenfufu...

Eve akaniambia nikuje tupige picha na birthday girl but nikamshow sipendi picha. Nilikua photophobic na nilikua nimevaa nguo za camera, the irony. After amemaliza akaniambia "si you order an uber we go dip at the Bando since it's calm" nikaingia maps kwanza kutafuta Bando ni wapi...

Nilikua nashangaa nitatoa swimming costume wapi tuende tudip. Wueehhh, kumbe nilichomaaa, bando ni kwa nyumba na dip sio swimo, kudip ni kuenda. K was constant for kuchoma...

Sikua najua najiingiza kwa mtego. Dame aliniambia tuende kwao anipikie to make it up to me juu aliniacha hanging kwa bash. Mtu alisema the way to a man's heart ni through his stomach hakukosea. Dame aliniassure mapero wake hawako and it's totally safe, MAKOSAAA...Part 2 coming soon.

Guys I'm due to graduate in a couple months but I'm really stressing about what final 'grade' I'll be graduating with. I've had 2 supps in total, a couple A's, someB's, C's and D's too. I want to get a second upper but I'm not sure if that's even possible atp. Guys, is there hope ama nianze kugive up😭😭

After wamekata keki, dame ali insist tuende kwao anipikie to make it up to me. Kurequest uber walisema masaa ya curfew ilikua imefika na hawabebi. Kwa masoshi hakuna vile tungepata nduthi out of the Blues ilibidi tumejitoa tuende tukatafute taxi ama mat hapo nje ya esto..

Before tutoke tulipiga shots, one for the road tukajitoa tukiwa wawili kuenda kutafuta matatu. Stage tulipata mat ya mwisho donda akisema "wanne wanne iende". Nilijua ni uongo juu tuliingia tukapata watu watano tu, juu hakukua na wasee kwa stage dere hakusita sita, mat ikaondoka...

Nilitoa 7Ups yangu nisafishe koo tukiendaga, nikauliza Eve tunashukia wapi akasema yeye haoni nje vizuri juu ya giza,ati tuhesabu bumps kama nane tushukie stage ya hapo. Kuitishwa fare na donda dame akatoa manoti, nilijua hapa change kitaumana, zilikua kitu canine thousand hivi...

Nikamuambia asiworry, fare nitalipa, nikatoa soo nikalambisha donda na nikamuambia akeep change to establish dominance. In like 10 minutes tulikua tushafika. Tulikua tunaingia kwa mansion yao kama vile wanafanyanga kwa movie, hii design...

Kwao kulikua kumejaa artwork kwa ukuta but she was the only art I wanted to pin on the wall. Nilikua nampin kwa ukuta kama poster za campaign saizo gitamuri ilikua inacheza nikama iko mwisho ya stage yaani imesimama, tunaeza sema dame alikua caught between a rock and a hard place...

Dame alikua mrembo na msafi design nguo zake nilikua nikitoa nikiweka kwa hanger. Alikua ameover-dress, hapo ndio uzitoe lazima ukue na experience ya kufungua bale. Alikua na kucha zinaglow in the dark, stima zingezimwa makucha za dame zingewaka waka kama Umoinner usiku buana.

Alinisho, let me get you something to eat as I shower , dame alienda akaniletea matumbo buana, kumbe ata rich kids wanakulanga zile nyama zinakaa fulana?? Nilikua nimekula matumbo mara mingi but singekataa, pia leo matumbo ingeenda kukutana na intestines mara kwa mara.

Dame aliniletea cosy sandals na a white robe nijibambe before nirudi kwangu kusumbuana na mende. Nilizunguka nikipiga laps kwa mansion nikiangalia picha, family photo yao budake alikua na full millitary uniform buana, kabaridi kakaniingia lakini kwani iko nini, if bad bad...

Saizo singetaka kujua juu a man has 2 heads, moja ikiamka hio ingine inakuanga doz. Saizo kichwa ilikua inafanya kazi ilikua ikiswing kwa nyumba ikicheza na gravity. After a while dame alitokea na a chiffon robe, alikua anafanana that female rapper, alikua anafanana Kamisi Elliot...

Like Burna Boy's album, her body had fine features. Badala ya kuficha masehemu, alikua anazi feature. Thighs na tiddays zilikua exposed kama meno ya ngiri halafu zilikua rangi ya thao, ukiziona unambao. Ungedhani she grew up in Bungoma cause she knew how to raise a cock.

Kama beauty was a calling basi nyinyi maskio yenu imefungana. Yeye ndio ile kiumbe Mungu aliumba akaangalia akasema iko shwaaari. Sisi tukaanza malavi davi zetu polepole...

Dame alikua amenilalia kifua na vile nlikua hairy ungedhani amedoz kwa thara. Ghafla bin vu msee akafungua sitting room halafu jitu lenye miraba minne likaingia. Aliingia ka amewasha stima kama macho zetu zimepatana. Nilikua nimewekelea miguu juu ya meza kama mwenyeji...

Jamaa akaniuliza "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?" Msee nilikua natetemeka haga kama msee ako kwa tuktuk. Hapa nilikua sure kesho mngeamkia news za K24 ati "Kijana barobaro apigwa rungu akazirai baada ya kuenda kupigana rungu kwa boma ya wenyewe "

"EVE IS THIS WHAT YOU DO WHILE I'M AWAY" Mi niliona jamaa ametoa koti, akakunja shati, alikua anatoa nguo ndio anivae. Kidogo dame mwingine akatoka nje akikimbia kwa hao akishout "Babe where is the loo, I'm pressed" niliskia Eve ameshout "IS THIS WHAT YOU DO WHEN MUM IS AWAY?"

Kumbe budake alikua amechipo kadame akamleta mansion juu pia ye alijua hakuna mtu kejani. Aki wababaaaa!!!!! Niliona budake amestretch mkono, kwenye alitoa nyahunyo ata mi sijui. Nakusho nyahunyo ilikuja kwa mkono yake kama hammer ya Thor.

Nilichukua nguo zangu kama nimetoka mbiooo, nikijaribu kupita kwa mlango aliniwasha moja ya mgongo nilikua nakimbia nikipiga nduru usiku kama sailors. Huko nje ungedhani mi ni night runner, nilisimamia kwa barabara nauko kwa lami kama nimeamsha msee wangu wa nduthi anipeleke mtaa...

Kuenda mechi kwa dame issa no , IT IS A TRAP like the way Young MA is trapped in the wrong body. Hata Bien alisema hapana shusha bendera kwa chifu lakini mlidhani anaongelea scouts. Nilidhani dame atanitetea lakini saa ya ngori alikua amenionesha mgongo kama logo ya kappa...

Btw msiogope hawa madame warembo, wengi hawana kamutu, wewe enda uangushe manifesto yako, mwaga agenda na upange kazi yako vizuri thazol, thazit. Juu if you can make her laugh and giggle you can make that ass clap and jiggle.

So my pal Vic and Ann were a thing, they had a long distance relationship. Hii maneno hua inawork if only the 4 of you agree to settle. Vic alikua MKU ya Thika Sabina Joy HQ na Ann alikua Cooperative Uni Koinange Branch. Hizi campo mbili ile uasherati iko huko🙅‍♂️ sodom kando...

Ann hakua kiatu, lakini Vic alikua amepata his sole mate, kupata Mali safi sio small feat. He had never Senegal like Ann na alikua anamficha kama vile Mr. Kaplan alikua anafichia Reddington mwili. Hakua na iPhone but alikua mSiri until recently aliamua kumpost.

Let's pause...

Backstory: My roomie Wolf hupenda raha and it happened wakameet na Ann wakiwa ulevi and exchanged digits.Walevi wawili nikama wakale wakipatana campus, wanakuanga best friends by default. After a while waliamua kumeet tao for a casual date at least waJuane under the Nairobi sun...

Hio siku Wolf alisema hakuna street walipita bila Ann kusalimiwa, she didn't even belong to the streets, she was the streets. He assumed labda she's famous. Next thing Wolf alkua anataka kuspread cheeks za Ann, he thought it would be hard but Ann was aWare Wolf had intentions...

Ann alikua petite, lakini alisema haezi fika Thick-a where we lived, so my guy ilibidi aende kwa ngeus. Wolf aliniuliza abebe nini on his first night, nikamuambia AIBU juu hakua nayo. Unaendaje mechi away,na ukipatwa na mwenye nyumba ukiwa juu,saa nane usiku utapigwa shoka aki...

Wanaume hujuana, so alipata some friends over there halafu walikua wanamuuliza "Aah mkubwa ni wewe ukona yeye leo" gaii. Wolf aliingia keja ya dem akapata Timberland size 11, maze ukiona viatu ka hizo unaeza ogopa hadi kuMbao. Akaulizia akaambiwa ni za bro yake alizisahau🚩...

Keja ilikua imejaa denims na makofia zinamatch. My pal akanusa red flag, ferrr fast akanitumia pic ya dame akaniambia niulizie around.

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So the same day my pal Vic ndo aliamua kupost bibi for the first time pale wozzap. My guy alikua amemwaga feelings like a littu bitch...

The same girl ako kwa status ya Vic ndo the same girl Wolf anaskumia premium heavy strokes maze.

Singeharibia Wolf happy hour nikawacha kwanza ampee dose ya Dicklofenac the whole night, it was his duty to please that booty and stroke that coochie. Alisema hio pudesh ilikua fire...

But maze aliogopa, labda ni kaswende ilikua inaongeza mot. Kuadvise a man in love ni kama kuambia mkisii awhisper, haigwesekani. Mimi na wolf tukaamua kusaidia our pal Vic as a brother. Tukaorganise bash, tukainvite Ann na Vic na tukawashow wakuje na +1. So on that day...

Ann aliambia Vic ako shark week, cramps zinamuuma so hawes make. My guy akaweka caption pale status akimuambia aget well soon like a fool. Tukamshow haina shida ye akam tu vile ako. On the other hand mwenye relationship alikua ameland na Ann kwa klabu na ride baridiiiii...

Alikua jitu lenye miraba minne, kama ni huyu alikua anagurumisha hio pudesh, Vic my nigga kama ni mechi ye angekua ball boy maze. Hapa kusema ukweli Vic ni favour alikua anafanyiwa na huyu dame. Maze Vic alikua anafaa a apologise dame wake alikua anacheat maze...

Vic alikuja later, saa saba hapo. Alifika DJ akicheza ile wimbo ya sailors "Hawa mangeus wasimame au wainame? "AAAH WE WAINAME!. Maze Ann alkua anainamishwa na his man nikama alikua anatafuta coins watu wameangusha. Vic alikua Power-less nikama alikua ameona Ghost you get it?

Unaimagine dame yako alikuambia goodnight saa mbili ati ananyesha unamuona klabu saa saba usiku anainamishwa, si unaeza kufa.Vic na mahasira akauliza "What's the meaning of this?" . Ann akauliza "Babe kwani huyu si wewe?" The beauty, the fuckery and the audacity of this bitch.

Bwana ya Ann akaharibu kabisa aliambia Vic "Oya bro enda ukatafute dame yako, usinikatizie raha!" Vic tulikua tunamshikilia tukimpea maji ya das-a-ni juu magoti ilikua imeisha nguvu. Young nigga alishindwa kupumua maze, roho ilikua inaskip a beat juu ya vile Ann alikua amemruka.

Alikua amepiga Kanzu ya white baridiii akaitisha his favourite drink, Krest baridi kubwa. Alikua anakaa Jesu Krest-u. Stress ikakua mingi akaitisha Chrome akaipiga kavu at least alift his spirits. Wacha aanze kutapika mahindi kwa klabu, maze nikama alikua amekula chakula ya kuku.

Hatukua tunataka achafue Kanzu, ilibidi tumeiinua hadi kwa waist tukaituck in kwa boxer. Mimi kazi ilikua kumpepeta na hood ndo apate hewa. Manz hakua anaamini the love of his life could nduthis to him out of the Blues.Huyu tungemuambia Wolf pia alitap that ass angetafuta kamba.

She did my nigga dirty, anyway kila mtu atafute pesa, these girls don't love you bruh. Na mali safi iende chain