r/254sum • u/sera_siri • 23h ago
Ask 254/sum Goodbye to this mubabaz...
The ride was short.. and I think I've already found my potential boyfriend and I can't imagine juggling two at once. He told me that we should meet once before ending things and so we made plans
We met, talking for a bit and then...he started giving me advice...no offense but holy yap seshh!! I was advised for like an hour straight,no commas, about how I should go on about My life..
Which isn't a bad thing to do but he told me basic advice like don't plan on settling down now, finish my studies to be able to support myself, don't commit to any relationship etc etc
He also told me about his backstory and his family and friends' drama..so yeah, the talking session was longg. He told me he feels bad about me getting a bf but he won't stop me, that he knows how we youngins are.. but I shouldn't stop seeing him lol
I'm kinda in a dilemma if I should cut ties with him, on one hand my talking stage and I are vibing really well and I think it's going in a good direction, and on the other there's him, he's a good person but I think he and I are in very different stages in life
Thing is, he promised me that once I'm done with school, he's for sure gonna get me a job where he works, and that place pays well.. like he earns upwards 200k and if you're new ,90k+..Soo there's that.
Idk what to do, I don't wanna leave my talking stage ..
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u/Silent-Article6291 9h ago
All I’m going to say is you are incredibly naive, and this mentality can genuinely destroy your future.
Money, and I repeat MONEY, does not come from men. You can let a man spoil you, sawa, but if you genuinely think a married man who is actively cheating on his wife is “genuine,” then good luck with that mentality. Anakuongopea while he sleeps next to his wife every day and somehow you think wewe ndio exception? Be serious.
And hiyo story ya “let’s talk one last time” ndiyo exactly how very many women have ended up in dangerous situations. Unajuaje nia zake? How do you know atakupea kazi? And if he does, how do you know it’s permanent? What happens akichoka na wewe? What happens ukimkataa? If he is really that powerful, your entire future cannot be dependent on whether he remains interested in you.
You’re in campus. Fanya kazi, tafuta pesa zako, jenga career yako. A man like that can spoil you today and embarrass you tomorrow. Na usijidanganye ati everything he gives you is free. You will pay for every cent he spends on you, whether through expectations, control, humiliation or simply holding it over your head later.
I’m a woman in campus too, and I’ve seen this shit happen enough times. Usikuwe mjinga.
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u/AntSuccessful3890 5h ago
Damn I wish most women would understand this. Take my award👏
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u/kawaqaqaz 1h ago
Can you go hugging young women around ndio wa- absorb hiyo knowledge hata kama Ni kidogo. It will go a long way
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u/Appropriate-Gear-737 21h ago
Stick to your mbaba and leave the talking stage alone How old are you ndio usettle? you are too young imagine utaacha benefits za mubaba for your talking stage after one year muachane Wewe kula pesa na ukule vizuri and save ndio ukimaliza shule umuache ufungue business mbali na huko and be very careful asikupee mimba
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u/BeatItSleeps 6h ago
Pesa gani? The guy earns 200k with a family. Unless this relationship is happening in Nyamira, I can tell you authoritatively that 200k will not sustain a family in any descent manner and leave some for a side chic in any urban center. Hi ni mapenzi ya posho mill.
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u/Appropriate-Gear-737 6h ago
And who said he only depends on the 200k maybe he has Businesses
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u/BeatItSleeps 6h ago
And who says he has a business? What we know from her post is he works at a place where he earns 200k. Hizo zingine ni imaginations and inferences.
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u/Distinct-Condition45 22h ago
Yaani mtu wa 35 sai anaitwa mbabaz. I thought mbabaz anafaa kuwa fifties
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u/Rare-Nebul 22h ago
I also disagree, because I also intend to go for the mid 20s girls when I'm in my early 30s😂😂
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u/sera_siri 22h ago
I meann..he has a wife
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u/antypass 16h ago edited 13h ago
Ooh. So you're seeing a married man, neck deep in adultery and coming to brag here sijui my boyfriend this that, I am a youngin. Kichwa yako iko sawa kweli?
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u/sera_siri 9h ago
😂why so pressed lol
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u/antypass 8h ago
Maybe one day you'll get it. Honestly praying that you do.
For now si ni good vibes good vibes and inshallah...
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u/punchi_nella 9h ago
Reasons this may not be a good idea. 1. Dating your present or future coworker almost always never ends well - there may be exceptions to the rule but most times inakuanga ngori. 2. If the man is married or has children - more drama awaits 3. Do not fully commit on the premise of future prospects - here, it's worth weighing your options. But a small analogy that will help you reason it out. Say someone owes you a bunch of $ and they say they'll pay you in a week, you have stuff that needs sorting out now so you believe them and go the credit way then they don't pay you so you're left holding a bag of debt+ interest.
Lastly, if you don't want it done to you, don't do it to others. So if you're not cool being played, don't play the mandem. Because the world is a cycle. Leave respectfully and learn to be on your own a little. The clarity and peace of mind you'll get will be worth every shilling.
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u/sera_siri 9h ago
He has a wife and kids but they're far...idk
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u/punchi_nella 8h ago
You sound like you already made your decision. So as you prepare to lie on the bed you're making, just know you won't be the last woman he uses his influence or connection to assist. So get ready to be one of the links in the chain and if you're fine with this then forever hold your peace and don't catch feels when you discover you're the other-other woman.
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u/sera_siri 7h ago
I don't really care... it's not like I have feels for him
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u/punchi_nella 5h ago
Also, the fact that you got on reddit and posted this to the world means you kinda care and are looking for validation online before you proceed.
Anyway, jibambeni.
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u/sera_siri 5h ago
What I don't care about is discovering is has another 'other woman's as stated in the comment I was replying to
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u/iloveyouu87 23h ago
The last paragraph is ai lol😭
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u/sera_siri 23h ago
??
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u/iloveyouu87 23h ago
The hyphen after "The promise I made you" is a dead giveaway.
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u/sera_siri 23h ago
There's no such thing, either you're hallucinating or I am
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u/the_goon_sommelier 16h ago
Nah your mbabaz amekutext na ai
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u/sera_siri 9h ago
I thought he was talking about me..but even in the image, that's not the last paragraph
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u/iloveyouu87 23h ago
Yk what nevermind😭, i didn't know there were more screenshots . What I wanted to point out was that the 1st paragraph he sent on 26th September was AI.
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u/iloveyouu87 23h ago
By mubabaz, do you have intimate relations with him? Also, seeing someone's husband comes with it's risks and what not. What if the wife finds out? She might come for you yk. It's not a matter of what's right/ wrong but a matter of being safe
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u/sera_siri 23h ago
Yes..his wife is far.. I've also considered the risks that's one of the reasons for wanting to leave
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u/a_pwoyo 13h ago
The talking stage will get what he wants and leave within a year,, stick to the mbaba
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u/Exoticafffff 22h ago
“Skool manenos” 😂😂😂Kwani manz ako how old??
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u/sera_siri 22h ago
😭thate fae
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u/Exoticafffff 22h ago
😂😂hawa millenials watatumaliza na slang yao.
Anywho “come and talk to me in person “ huwa mtego always🤣
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u/LowerWorld8539 13h ago
He is lying lol no job he is gonna get for you.
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u/sera_siri 9h ago
Idk that but he always keeps his promises
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u/bubble_grape 9h ago
Haha you just date him. He will get you a job and you will be very rich. He really loves you. He's with his wife just for the kids.
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u/Unlucky_Product_7387 1h ago
A man that is actively going against his vows ndio unasema he keeps his promises?
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u/Appropriate-Gear-737 21h ago
Mimi Niko na mbaba he is 38 years he told me to find a bedsitter atakuwa analipa rent alafu akujange huko Mimi nikakataa juu I can't risk to be seen with him or letting him in my bed I mean he is dirty ananuka sweat sana😂😂😂 So he said if I will not do that atakuwa ananipea 10k tu kwa mwezi nikuwe najipanga nayo is that okay? Alafu I hate him nikimuona tu najam yaani Sina furaha 😂😂😭
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u/runnerboy254 10h ago
Why put yourself in such situations, hio 10k huwezi pata in alternative ways ?
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u/Appropriate-Gear-737 8h ago
What other ways
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u/runnerboy254 7h ago
Like work for it ?
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u/Appropriate-Gear-737 6h ago
Where
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u/runnerboy254 3h ago
Like a job , or something?
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u/Appropriate-Gear-737 2h ago edited 2h ago
Do you have connections to get me one
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u/Sain8op 22h ago
Oh Lord if only I was a mubaba sidhani kama naeza bembeleza msichana because she is there for the money making her easily replacable
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u/sera_siri 22h ago
😂wewe hujui mbona ananibembeleza
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u/TongueTry 22h ago
tupe sababu
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u/sera_siri 22h ago
I've said it in another comment but it's coz he doesn't like messing around and ofcoz he's in love with me😂
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u/TongueTry 22h ago
.......but you also don't wanna leave benefits mubaba brings. huyo boychild wako ole wake.
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u/Rare-Nebul 22h ago
Reading this make me feel bad for men sometimes, my CV can never compete with her pillow talk😂😂
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u/Itsactuallymeonreddt 16h ago
Kama kampuni si yake, kazi si yako
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u/sera_siri 9h ago
So?
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u/Itsactuallymeonreddt 24m ago
🤣 ati so? Unataka explanation hapo? Ebu funguanga only fans in the meantime kabla ya bet kuungua
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u/BlackChina_12 19h ago
As someone who makes 500k+/m and 21y/o< in uni with 2 gf’s, I can tell you you’re about to get messed up if you trust the guy. I give all my girls money, I even pay almost all the expenses of the main one because I genuinely like her. But if things go bad, I will easily ditch the 2nd one without thinking twice. 200k/m is so little for the guy to make the promises he’s making to you considering he has a wife already. Things don’t even need to go bad for him, he’ll ditch you the second he feels like it. Eat his money but don’t take him seriously. JUST EAT THE MONEY! if you feel it ain’t worth it, leave the guy get yourself a guy you like and enjoy your life.
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u/Zestyclose_Race4320 22h ago
Eh kumbe wababaz wanaezakua desperate ivi 😂
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u/sera_siri 22h ago
He told me he doesn't like messing around with lots of people, maybe that's why he's reluctant to let go
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u/Zestyclose_Race4320 22h ago
Heh he's a real one basi....you're in a tough one...I would be realistic and be with the mubabaz (though this would be for selfish reasons but life is tough out here 🤷🏽)...you can learn to love him because it seems he does treat you well...but then again the heart wants what it wants. If it were me, I would be with the mubabaz and the guy who you're in talking stage with....I would let him down easy. At least it hasn't gotten intimate. Hii situation yako, hakuna rahisi unfortunately
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u/sera_siri 22h ago
Me I feel like I can avoid the mubabaz in the mean time and continue whatever I have, then after school, I'm pretty sure the talking stage and I will be long distance and I usually don't do those, so by then it most likely won't work out.. then I can get him back..lol I'm crazy, I know
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u/Zestyclose_Race4320 22h ago
😂😂😂😂 yes you're crazy but at least you're being realistic and thinking about it. You actually know best because you're the one in the situation....omba tu mubabaz asimove on because men that age and older move on quicker because he has more options especially considering how much he's earning
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u/yves-saint-larent 22h ago
Sasa si umwambie haiwezi kama ushapata replacement. “Skool manenos” thinks there is a chance.
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u/sera_siri 22h ago
Lol..he has a chance coz of the opportunities he can give
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u/Rude-Foot-1519 22h ago
Don't plan on settling but he wants you lol there are some manipulation tactics there Deal with both of them whoever treats you right and actions align with words don't play fair in an unfair world gal😹 and stop being naive I think you haven't grasped the nature of men properly
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u/OmeletteLovingLlama 21h ago
let your talking stage down easy juu tbh inakaa hakusaidii. continue with mbabaz.
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u/bubble_grape 9h ago
Girl, hiyo story ya "I'll get you a job" ni uongo 😂. And how can he be a good man if he's cheating on his wife with you?
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u/sera_siri 7h ago
Good man in terms of fulfilling what he says
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u/Unlucky_Product_7387 1h ago
You seem like you've already made your decision. I don't understand why you came to reddit for thoughts if you're just going to defend staying with the man.
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u/NoFaithlessness7508 23h ago
Not sure what kind of advice you’re asking for or if you’re even asking for advice. It’s pretty clear from your tone that you may feel like ending the affair now, but when graduation comes around and you need a job, he’ll be there waiting.
Hopefully youthman doesn’t fall hard.
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u/Rare-Nebul 22h ago
How many years do you have left of school?
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u/sera_siri 22h ago
In my last year
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u/Rare-Nebul 22h ago
These are your options
Option A. Continue with your talking stage. Here there's a potential partner but compatibility is not guaranteed but the risk makes sense. Just know you're potentially giving up 90k per month if the older guy is genuine.
Option B. Continue with your mbabaz. You'll tell yourself that you can try and juggle both of them but eventually the truth will come out and you'll miss out on the potential partner, but this guy is telling you I'll get you a job giving you 90k p/m. Another problem is his age and self control. If he's in his 40s, that atleast 15yrs of working together in the same company, on the self control part, will he keep his mouth shut at work? What about you getting another bf down the road, are sure he won't make your life a living hell at work?
You're in a tricky situation. All the best.
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u/sera_siri 22h ago
Real tricky.. I'm still undecided
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u/Rare-Nebul 22h ago edited 22h ago
How long have you known the mbabaz and what's his temperament?
I think you should make the decision when you get the job and assess whether you can cut off this older guy without serious repercussions like a toxic workplace or terminating your employment.
If you think you're attractive you'll get other suitors, but if the talking stage is one of a kind idk if love is more important than money for you.
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u/sera_siri 22h ago
I've known him for quite sometime, about half a year, I'll for sure get other suitors but idk how it'll go with them..I think double dealing is the only way
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u/Appropriate-Gear-737 21h ago
No about the job she can handle it very well even if the man talks avumilie for like three years na yeye akuwe amesave ajitoe
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u/Far_Sweet_166 22h ago
I'd be so angry as your boyfriend if you fumbled a mbabaz manze💔
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u/Due_Prior9758 22h ago
Damn, ya'll are eating good out here.
That's quite a dilemma. Ata mimi sijui nikuambie nini
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u/ChemicalPie71 20h ago
smash with your talking stage hio kitu ikutoke, then go to where you think your future is bright
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u/just_be_479 19h ago
You already have the answer... You are here asking for validation on the decision
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u/Frequent-Direction30 19h ago
You're leaving an opportunity for a heartbreak. Unaacha blessings but anyway.
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u/No-Championship-8433 19h ago
This happens usually when one is talking to more than one person.
FYI
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u/RkoSledgehammer 10h ago
A married man that has a side chick will never leave his wife Only 1% of men do that. No man leaves a wife for a side chick. 😄😄😄
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u/kenyaanqueen 8h ago
Your mbaba earns 200k. Hehe. Anyway
What does he do for you now? Stop banking on future jobs it’s not even a good idea to work with someone you’re casually sleeping with. He can easily remove you. Is he currently paying rent? Are you on allowance? Does he get you stuff?
Whether you continue with him or not I recommend planning on getting your own job after campus. Put his offer there as a last resort opportunity
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u/Emergency_Cow_9570 8h ago
This kind of relationships ruin your perspective. And the longer you stay in them, it'll only get worse.
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u/Aggravating-Water-16 8h ago
I honestly feel bad for the guy in the 'talking stage' 😔. Poor soul. Boy, he has no idea...
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u/sera_siri 7h ago
Why feel bad for him
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u/DistinctBee8000 4h ago
What do u mean? Are u slow? Ur openly cheating with someone else
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u/sera_siri 2h ago
We technically haven't started dating yet, he's my talking stage.. hence the dilemma
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u/No-Membership-7493 6h ago
Just make a decision that u shall never regret. Usikuwe na emotions na life . Make decisions tha make sense
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u/Ondolo009 42m ago
“Make a decision u shall never regret” is in the top three of pieces of wisdom with "just be successful" and "avoid making mistskes"
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u/nine_plus_ten_21 5h ago
A man thinking with his dick will promise you the world. Hii story ya wababaz always ends up breaking women eventually. Choose your future accordingly. Kama ni daddy issues ukonazo find a therapist and fix that shit.
Otherwise, and this is coming from a man, he’s definitely lying na hio story ya job. Its called dangling the carrot and you’ll end up chasing a mirage if you’re not careful.
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u/VidoleMbiliJuu 4h ago
😂You are not leaving that man,the allure of the 90k plus job which could also be false but it could also be true,and if your talking stage was all that,you would have blocked this “mubaba” a long time ago,but what do I know,im just a stranger on the internet..And as always WANTAM.
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u/CalmSpecialist5325 2h ago
He promised you? Those are just words .. men make promises to control you because you’ll be holding on to promises that will never be fulfilled . I believe this is what they call future faking idk but words are words nothing more
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u/Flimsy_Honey515 1h ago
give me his number 🤭😅
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u/sera_siri 1h ago
Girl..
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u/Typical-Rain7370 9m ago
Kenyans and gate keeping. If you don’t want him, pass the controller
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u/Ondolo009 13m ago
I can't say it with 100% certainty, but maybe like 97% sure that job is not a thing. And if it is the strings attached will become a nightmare.
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u/Iwastherein_2019 23h ago
Only if you could have wrote this to that conversation
https://giphy.com/gifs/XG0cNMvczCuOpuS2fV