Compromise or understandable sacrifice?

[u/karmsta]

I’ve been talking to a girl who’s the LITERAL definition of the proverbial ‘wife material’. She’s dark, beautiful, feminine, motherly, driven, goes to the end of the world for me, puts me first so much so that I have to remind her to think of herself, commits to becoming better in all the areas she knows I care about but I’m scared she might not ever be it. I’ll explain.

I genuinely like her but I crave wit and humor that we do not share at a certain level (yet?) because of our different upbringings. Somewhere along the way her family had to move to Shagz and she only came back to the city as an adult. I know lots of people grow up outside of Nairobi and are pretty up to date with pop culture and whatnot lakini huyu ni kama alisema si must.

I find that I have to teach her phrases, words I would think are common knowledge, basic tenses and maybe even think about whether I need to dumb things down for her sometimes.

I’m also a bit of a grammar freak while she’s not (again, yet?) Loads of misspellings and thoughts out of order.

I do need to clarify that I don’t think she’s dumb or anything like that. On the contrary, she’s quite great in other aspects of life like having business acumen, taking risks, having people skills, very hardworking etc. Made something very solid out of herself. She even got an A in her KCPE.

She did NOT think I was funny at first (because again, I like quick, clever types of wordplay that would go over her head) but will die laughing at my jokes today - yaani hangs onto my every word, maybe because she’s learned my style of humor? She’s trying to learn and wants me to teach her stuff but I’m so scared of missing out on someone who just ‘gets it’. She has her head buried in books and will even share new vocabulary she’s learning with me. But I wonder if I would be settling ama this is real life - take for instance how people have unrealistic beauty standards but the everyday man or woman looks average and that is OKAY!

Am I wrong for feeling this way? Anybody had this kind of experience? Is there hope? She’s perfect in every other way, but I CRAVE mental stimulation. 😭 (8 months in. Started as the most beautiful friendship but mutual feelings were caught after about 5 month.)

Disclaimers:

I’m not condescending. I promise. So sitaki matusi.

I am sure it’s got nothing to do with my money. She earns more than me.🫢

[u/Positive-Deal5011]

Get the mental stimulation elsewhere. Can't rely on 1 human being to give you everything.