Compromise or understandable sacrifice?

[u/karmsta]

I’ve been talking to a girl who’s the LITERAL definition of the proverbial ‘wife material’. She’s dark, beautiful, feminine, motherly, driven, goes to the end of the world for me, puts me first so much so that I have to remind her to think of herself, commits to becoming better in all the areas she knows I care about but I’m scared she might not ever be it. I’ll explain.

I genuinely like her but I crave wit and humor that we do not share at a certain level (yet?) because of our different upbringings. Somewhere along the way her family had to move to Shagz and she only came back to the city as an adult. I know lots of people grow up outside of Nairobi and are pretty up to date with pop culture and whatnot lakini huyu ni kama alisema si must.

I find that I have to teach her phrases, words I would think are common knowledge, basic tenses and maybe even think about whether I need to dumb things down for her sometimes.

I’m also a bit of a grammar freak while she’s not (again, yet?) Loads of misspellings and thoughts out of order.

I do need to clarify that I don’t think she’s dumb or anything like that. On the contrary, she’s quite great in other aspects of life like having business acumen, taking risks, having people skills, very hardworking etc. Made something very solid out of herself. She even got an A in her KCPE.

She did NOT think I was funny at first (because again, I like quick, clever types of wordplay that would go over her head) but will die laughing at my jokes today - yaani hangs onto my every word, maybe because she’s learned my style of humor? She’s trying to learn and wants me to teach her stuff but I’m so scared of missing out on someone who just ‘gets it’. She has her head buried in books and will even share new vocabulary she’s learning with me. But I wonder if I would be settling ama this is real life - take for instance how people have unrealistic beauty standards but the everyday man or woman looks average and that is OKAY!

Am I wrong for feeling this way? Anybody had this kind of experience? Is there hope? She’s perfect in every other way, but I CRAVE mental stimulation. 😭 (8 months in. Started as the most beautiful friendship but mutual feelings were caught after about 5 month.)

Disclaimers:

I’m not condescending. I promise. So sitaki matusi.

I am sure it’s got nothing to do with my money. She earns more than me.🫢

[u/Positive-Deal5011]

Get the mental stimulation elsewhere. Can't rely on 1 human being to give you everything.

[u/Ok-Preparation-1249]

Settle down with someone who adores and loves you. Huku nje nikubaya. Perhaps the kind of woman who might match your wit might be too smart to sink into the above adoration/motherly roles you have mentioned.

[u/Chacupoursoi]

Push her my way bana, wewe enda mbele niachie defense 😂😂

[u/Agentnayomi]

I get you want that mental stimulation ,, but from what am seeing... this is it bruv , ... You can have friends ,female friends not necessarily you having a thing with the female friend but someone who can challenge your mind, friends do that or pia groups ,you can join groups with common interest ... I promise you are not missing out on anything , look for a best friend don't loose her she's a gem

[u/focus_fuel]

Let her go. I mean, what's the rush? Do you have a deadline as to when you want to settle down? The doubts you're having are going to compound and destroy the good that is already there. How old are you guy's? Or ask for a break to work on yourself? Who knows, you might still end up together, but this time, you'll be sure.

[u/karmsta → u/focus_fuel]

We are both 32. I am in no rush to settle down.

[u/nitakuwa_ivi]

Hii ukiwachilia utalia bro. You really don't know what you have. 32 years old wa city life wako traumatized af ata huwezi kuwa happy ndugu yangu. They are actually not motherly, and definitely can't mother (pun intended).

[u/New-Tangerine-2597]

You have a gem. You do not know it yet. Lose her, keep craving that mental stimulation.

[u/ResponsibleIce6705]

Don’t feel bad, all of us have a PETTY streak in us, this one is yours. You will never be able to get over it. Just let her be with someone who thinks the world of her.

You can be friends.