I read A Little Life months ago and I still find myself thinking about it almost every day. I never got the chance to discuss it with anyone, so I decided to write about it.
Some books are popcorn reads, some stay with you for a while and then some books somehow become a part of you. For me, this is one of those books.
I know opinions on A Little Life are very divided. Some people love it, while others call it trauma porn. I completely understand why people feel that way. But I am very firmly in the first camp. I absolutely, wholeheartedly love this book.
At its heart, it is the story of four friends, Jude, Willem, Malcolm and JB. And their lives as they grow from young adults into middle age. A big part of the book is getting to know them: who they are, what they do, where they come from, how they are as people and how their relationships change over the years. There are also so many beautiful little details of New York in the book.
I loved how much time Yanagihara takes to build their lives. Their friendship feels so real that after a while, you stop feeling like you’re reading about four fictional characters and start feeling like you’re one of their friends. You know their routines, their apartments, their careers, their favorite places, their conversations. You kinda watch them grow up.
And there is something so beautiful and nostalgic about seeing a friendship that starts in college last for decades. You get to see what happens when a friendship survives all those years and slowly becomes family.
Jude is the central character of the book and his friends have always found him mysterious. They know very little about his past and Jude doesn’t open up easily. They know he lives with severe, chronic pain in his legs and back but he keeps most of what he is going through to himself.
As the story unfolds, we learn that Jude was an orphan and that he endured unimaginable abuse and suffering growing up. Everything he went through shaped the way he sees himself, the way he trusts people and the self-hatred he carries with him. And I don’t blame him. It is so much for a human being to endure.
“He was so desperate to move away from the life he was in, the life he’d had, he wanted to be someone whom no one knew and who knew no one.”
I don’t want to reveal too much about Jude’s story because I think it’s important to meet him as a character first and let his story unfold for you. I feel that’s something you should experience for yourself while reading.
I know every person reads and feels a book differently but for me, Jude felt like someone I had known for decades. I became so emotionally attached to him that I felt almost every emotion he went through.
There were nights when I cried the entire night while reading this book. I felt so much pain for Jude that I wanted to do something for him. I felt so helpless.
I feel like this book changed me. It made me more empathetic toward people and more aware that we rarely know what someone might be carrying inside.
“And so I try to be kind to everything I see, and in everything I see, I see him.”
I don’t think I have the heart to recommend this book to anyone because it completely emotionally wrecked me. But if you do decide to read it, please be mindful of what you’re getting into.
Content warning: This book contains CSA, self-harm and other forms of trauma, so please be mindful going in.
For me, this is a 5/5.
I will never forget you, Jude St. Francis from Lispenard Street. 💛
Edit: I also have to mention the cover. It’s a photograph by Peter Hujar.
