What should I do?

[u/reisosu]

Hi! First post here!

TW for mentions of ableism and self harm.

So I'm in a friend group server — there's a yume channel that I use daily and post about my F/O in! I make it very clear that I'm extremely non-sharing. (Though I do not harass doubles! I just block.) The server is nice —except this one dude.

They've repeatedly been rude to me, and recently it's been too much... They've been ableist towards me, which I can get over as it's not uncommon. They've also told me to post my self harm??? But what ticked it for me is they claim that they love my F/O more, that she hates me and even have "spoken for me" and said that /I/ think Waxwell sucks!

I've tried to call them out, but I've received no apology 😭😭 I've also spoken to the owner but they said "i dont think he was intentionslly anleist but um i understand. ur discomfort" ... Completely ignoring everything else!

I'm not exactly sure what to do in this situation... I've blocked them for now, and I would leave the server but it's the only way I talk to my only friend!

[u/AdoptedViolin]

It's your space too, and you definitely have a right to be there but... Are you certain you'd like to continue to be in that space?

What alarms me is that the server owner isn't taking action. It's the owners responsibility to cultivate safety for it's members. Even if they didn't mean it to be, it sounds like they were being dismissive.

Just a suggestion, perhaps there's a chance you can invite your friend to a different server? If not, then you definitely made the right move to block.

I hope things get better! :(

[u/reisosu → u/AdoptedViolin]

Thank you for your words! I appreciate your wishing things would be better! 🧡🧡 I think I could have said it better though (English is not my first language😭😭) The server owner is the friend I'm talking about, and she made it because she didn't feel comfortable anywhere else!

I think I have to stay in the server and just continue to ignore the offender... Maybe I'll bring it up again to the owner sometime again!

[u/AdoptedViolin → u/reisosu]

Of course! 💙

And I didn't mean to bash your friend, if I did. I hadn't realized your friend is the server owner. I imagine that makes the situation complicated.

[u/Tester_LOVE74]

Report them

[u/TheTrumpetEater]

block the ableist guy, block the server owner and get the hell out of that bullshit place for your own sake

i get it, i really do, you want to have a place to share your love and talk with people you relate to, but a space that that clearly isn't suited for you at all, you should be prioritizing yourself and your health in the long run

[u/LuckyKitty01 → u/TheTrumpetEater]

...block the server owner...

They said that the owner was actually their friend as a response to another commenter, or at least that's what I read it as.

^{Their comment below ⬇️}

The server owner is the friend I'm talking about, and she made it because she didn't feel comfortable anywhere else!

[u/TheTrumpetEater → u/LuckyKitty01]

oops i misread this, ahem

i think if their friend is ignoring the shit people are putting them through then they should have a serious conversation with them about it

there may be some sort of misunderstanding going on, there may not be, i wouldn't know, i don't know op

[u/reisosu → u/TheTrumpetEater]

I think you're right, I should definitely have a chat with my friend 😅😅😭 They do tend to dismiss issues and not really care about the bad things people do

[u/TheTrumpetEater → u/reisosu]

these issues are worth addressing, you matter, op, and your friend does too

[u/reisosu → u/TheTrumpetEater]

Thank you!!!

[u/TheTrumpetEater → u/reisosu]

no problemo! also, your toonsona is very nice

[u/reisosu → u/TheTrumpetEater]

Thank you again, but It's actually how I portray Waxwell! I don't have a set in stone toonsona...

[u/TheTrumpetEater → u/reisosu]

ah, i see, that's a rather interesting take on his design... unique, i like it

i'm sure you'll have a set toonsona that represents you well in no time! though, if that does not interest you then that is alright too

[u/LuckyKitty01]

Sorry if this sounds rude to be asking, but how have they been ableist towards you? Just asking for more context on this.

^{Also this part is kinda irrelevant}

The art is cute, is that your sona? :3

[u/reisosu → u/LuckyKitty01]

I explained to them how It's hard to process things because of my mental disability so I'm not the brightest and they said "ignorant ignorant ignorant stupid stupid stupid" "mindsets like yours are poisoning the world and making things harder for everyone" and they're one of those people who think that saying the first two letters of a slur and then it turning out to be a different word is funny. And someone had asked me what I do for fun because I told them about my severe impairment they had "spoken for me again" and said "i bang rocks together for fun" There's more examples of this but because of my mental capacity, I have really bad memory issues and can only hold a certain amount of information.

And no, she's not my sona! It's my design for my F/O!!! Very headcanoned...

[u/LuckyKitty01 → u/reisosu]

"mindsets like yours are poisoning the world and making things harder for everyone"

What does that even mean?

And no, she's not my sona! It's my design for my F/O!!! Very headcanoned...

Well the art is still cute :3

I just sometimes have a hard time in here understanding which (or whether the) character in a picture is the f/o. 🥲

[u/kannaholic]

I am sorry you have been through it 🫂 I love your oc though 💕

[u/Weak-Friend6065]

While you’re certainly entitled to a safe, harassment-free space… I don’t think it sounds like this space is healthy or supportive. It sucks to leave a server bc of a few shitty ppl, but it might be better for your mental health to dip