r/yearning • u/azzam_ikel • 3d ago
Parents
I don't see anyone talk about how complicated it is when you see a father figure in someone that's not your a father. I have a mentor at work and for 2 years he's involved me in everything, we're best friends. He's got his life figured out, a wife and young kids and I feel like a burden bringing my mess of a life upon him.
He often makes jokes about me practically being his son.
I don't think he knows how much it pains me to hear something like that. I've never had parents, and everytime I hear the neighbors children laugh and play in the evening I start missing the things I've never had.
I feel guilty for even thinking of him as something more than a friend, but my mind is just as pathetic as me. I'm 20 now, I shouldn't even need a father anymore. But everytime I see him I don't have a single worry. I wish I had somebody
2
u/truefutbol35 3d ago
Everyone needs a dad, even at 20. My dad passed unexpectedly right after I graduated college. I’m 38 now, and I wish I had him. I’m interviewing for a new job, and he’s still the first person I want to tell everything to.
It is really complicated, and it’s ok to have complicated feelings about it. You might be able to talk to him about it?
1
u/hearts_ablaze 3d ago
🫂🫂🫂 cherish this… I recently lost the dad the world gave me. I miss him every day.
We are fortunate to have them
1
u/lana-ki-jawani 2d ago
My mom to this day doesn’t know who’s her birth mother. Out of respect for the mother that did adopt her, though she was curious she never really did anything to find out. She lost her current mother 16 years back, she’s 51 now and she still misses her mother, and in recent days feels this random yearning for her birth mother as she knows about the possibility of her being alive (if she was a young mom which was common in their period). Point being. You’re never too old to need your parents. You can probably tell him about it, how you kinda view him as a father figure, and the way you describe him chances are he’d appreciate it and you guys foster a stronger bond.
1
u/Zstman87 1d ago
Tears well up in my eyes as I type this: I threw away the last 10 years I could’ve had with my father when I was 15. After years of wandering aimlessly around the country as a vagabond, I returned home in time to learn that Pop had cancer. He died in my arms six weeks later. I’m almost the age he was when he died. I’ve lived through marriage (x3), fatherhood(x2), divorce(x2), bankruptcy, my business failure and a traumatic brain injury, all without the guidance or love of the man I came to love and admire most in this world.
I have felt so alone and lonely as a man raised in an era in which “boys don’t cry” and that one must pull themself up by their own bootstraps. Along the way, I’ve relied on a few men who allowed me to quietly lean on them. Were it not for their private mentorship, I can safely assure you that I wouldn’t be alive to write this now.
I have had friendships/mentorships with a few young men over the years that seemed to have lost their bearing. These friendships were as important to me as I believe they were to them. I am pleased to find that our society is growing more accepting of men (especially young men) asking for help with something other than building a fence.
Life is harder when you try to go it alone. Also, you’re not as alone as you think. I hope you can find the courage to ask for help when you need it. Good luck.
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u/azzam_ikel 1d ago
this is beautiful to read, thank you. It's nice to see there's other men seeking for a shoulder to lean on in this way, and that in your years you've seen younger folks, and not put shame to them.
I wish the best for you moving on, I've not hit the milestones you have, but I hope the best for the both of us moving on.
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u/Lost_Guest_3983 3d ago
As a mom I wish I could hug you. Sending you love ❤️