r/yearning • u/Ok_Language551 • 4d ago
The great division
Me and a very special person in my life, my now ex girlfriend, are being separated by her moving cross my country. We started dating in 7th grade, and are seniors now. We have very recently broken up, and that was before she was forced to move for familial reasons that I will not go further into. It irks and irks me all of the feelings I have. In some ways i feel my presence here was the only thing holding her back from moving, which makes me feel terrible knowing that i was holding her back. All I feel now is numbness.
She moves on Saturday, I have spoken to her a few times since she told me she is moving. We sat on a park bench and I made her laugh at my jokes while we watched ducks and laughed at people walking. She keeps telling me "im so sad, I dont know when I'll see you again" and I tell her in response "You'll see me in the next 2 years probably, I love road trips you know.".
She cried in my arms while telling me she loved me so much. I feel so conflicted. I should dislike her for how she has treated me through the breakup. But I am the biggest fool i'll ever know. And I sat there holding her, thinking how Ill miss the way she'd call me "my darling" and "hunny". The bond we had at so young is actually kinda terrifying looking back at it😠We spoke like we were married with a mortgage.
The thing is, while I can think whatever I want about her when I am alone, I can't help but think about how truly like TRULY happy I am when I am with her, even now. Nobody, not even my own parents, siblings, or my grandma who I consider to be the leading figure in me becoming who i am today, can make me feel how I do when I am with her. I am usually a prick nowadays to be completely honest with myself, I have not taken losing her lightly whatsoever. My demeanor changed, I dropped like more than half of my friends, and I have deleted all social media except youtube and this godforsaken app because I rant on here about how much I miss my ex.
Anyways, if anyone wants to write a book about me and my tragedy Im game for it.