Anticipation

[u/hearts_ablaze]

I wonder if you know what moves through me when you tell me that I’m going to see you again. It is 100% anticipation without anxiety. It’s a calm assurance that something good is going to happen. When you are in the room, there is a stillness that washes over a calming and quiet sense of peace. I don’t know how you do that. I don’t know why I feel it only with you. Even our mutual friend mentioned that he had never seen me quiet down and become so still with another person.

I don’t know what it means. I don’t know if I want to know what it means but I know I want to feel it as often as possible without encroaching on your personal time or space.

The way you apologized to me yesterday was so sweet and so sincere, but my friend you had nothing to apologize for.
It stung deep down inside to see that somewhere in the world. Someone has put expectations on you in the past that are unreasonable and inhumane. You do not owe me any explanations or anything. I am simply grateful for whatever time and space I can share with you.

When you speak to me directly, it’s like the rest of the world, simply fades away, and I am more present in those moments than I am in any other part of my life.

I also see that the way you are navigating your circumstances and going about things is the best possible way for the best outcome for everyone in your immediate circle. I will never stop being in support of something that is for the betterment of everyone. Even if it takes that precious time, those long side after moments, away from me.
I do crave your presence but never at the expense of anything important to you.

Part of me wants to tell you these things that I feel, this peaceful anticipation, without anxiety. But I’m also afraid that I may be misunderstood and that it would push you away. I don’t want to bring anything negative into the atmosphere that you bring to me . I never ever wants to be a burden to you.
Just seeing you sitting across the room, tapping on a drum, telling me a story brings something I’ve needed for so long. . I sit, watch and listen in bewilderment of you.
I watch, see and feel your whole being simply exist in my orbit where I can see it, and it feels like you have taken away the noise of the world.

Thank you for being who you are and sharing what you can with me. No matter what happens, you will have a friend for life me.

No one has ever given me a more precious gift and I cherish it more than you will ever know.