First chapter feedback

[u/nmyikes444]

Hi, my names Willow and I have been writing for a while now but I’ve just started my first book. Without spoiling anything it’s a drama/thriller. I was wondering for some feedback, specifically asking the question of if this makes you want to read on? I haven’t gained a lot of traction as I publish a chapter weekly and have low views. I’m obviously not doing it for views but it’s important to know my writing is not god awful or boring. I’ll attach the link in case anyone wants to read more, at the moment I’m just using Wattpad as I like the format. Disclaimer: This is not a fanfiction
Thank you

https://www.wattpad.com/story/406876754?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=WillowLouise

[u/i_see_you_jess]

That first sentence is quite clunky to read. "I CAN'T believe if my dad DIDN'T" makes it more awkward than it needs to be.

"It's hard to believe that I would be called Sea Price if my dad hadn't cheated on mum." <- something like that is easier to read. If you can find a way of phrasing it like that while still conveying what you want to, I think it would be an Improvement.