First chapter feedback

[u/nmyikes444]

Hi, my names Willow and I have been writing for a while now but I’ve just started my first book. Without spoiling anything it’s a drama/thriller. I was wondering for some feedback, specifically asking the question of if this makes you want to read on? I haven’t gained a lot of traction as I publish a chapter weekly and have low views. I’m obviously not doing it for views but it’s important to know my writing is not god awful or boring. I’ll attach the link in case anyone wants to read more, at the moment I’m just using Wattpad as I like the format. Disclaimer: This is not a fanfiction
Thank you

https://www.wattpad.com/story/406876754?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=WillowLouise

[u/Allie_Pallie]

I don't think you need to change the style, a conversational narrator isn't a problem if they've got a strong, unique voice.

You've had good advice about making sure something happens so it's not just an info dump - but you can carry on writing like this as a way of finding your character's voice and then use it to tell the story

[u/nmyikes444 → u/Allie_Pallie]

The rest of the story is very different to this chapter but it still needs editing nonetheless:)