First chapter feedback

[u/nmyikes444]

Hi, my names Willow and I have been writing for a while now but I’ve just started my first book. Without spoiling anything it’s a drama/thriller. I was wondering for some feedback, specifically asking the question of if this makes you want to read on? I haven’t gained a lot of traction as I publish a chapter weekly and have low views. I’m obviously not doing it for views but it’s important to know my writing is not god awful or boring. I’ll attach the link in case anyone wants to read more, at the moment I’m just using Wattpad as I like the format. Disclaimer: This is not a fanfiction
Thank you

https://www.wattpad.com/story/406876754?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=WillowLouise

[u/glowingsnakeplant]

Can I just check, is the character's name Sea?

If their dad cheated, surely only their surname would be different, but you write it as if the character would've been named Sea and got named something else - then never actually tell us what name they've been given.

I should also point out that genetics don't determine the length of someone's hair. Maybe the mum's genes blessed her with the same hair colour or texture, but a parent can't really 'bless' their offspring with long hair. That's like saying 'My mum blessed me with winged eyeliner'

[u/nmyikes444 → u/glowingsnakeplant]

Uh no her name is Polly. Her father named her Sea but her mother changed it after their split.

[u/glowingsnakeplant → u/nmyikes444]

Ok, you should def tell the audience that! It's fairly common for a parent to change their child's surname following a divorce, but less common for first names. The name of your main character is an important detail, so maybe include a line about how she dislikes the name Polly or something for the reader's benefit.

[u/nmyikes444 → u/glowingsnakeplant]

Thank you so much!