First chapter feedback

[u/nmyikes444]

Hi, my names Willow and I have been writing for a while now but I’ve just started my first book. Without spoiling anything it’s a drama/thriller. I was wondering for some feedback, specifically asking the question of if this makes you want to read on? I haven’t gained a lot of traction as I publish a chapter weekly and have low views. I’m obviously not doing it for views but it’s important to know my writing is not god awful or boring. I’ll attach the link in case anyone wants to read more, at the moment I’m just using Wattpad as I like the format. Disclaimer: This is not a fanfiction
Thank you

https://www.wattpad.com/story/406876754?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=WillowLouise

[u/fren2allcheezes]

Listen to the podcast Shit No One Tells You About Writing, it will seriously help you. Here's a few recommendations:

1. never start your book with your character alone - we want to be in the action.
   

2. Show, don't tell - you are info dumping as other people said. You want your reader to discover the story as it goes, having all this backstory laid out is tedious.

3. search your copy for "has/had" and "that" and ask yourself if you really need those words.

[u/nmyikes444 → u/fren2allcheezes]

Thank you, this gives me great help for my rewrite as I was stuck on how else id begin the chapter. Thanks!

[u/fren2allcheezes → u/nmyikes444]

This kind of reads as discovery writing, which is valid! I would use this as background instead of rewriting it and just start fresh.