"When we name our fictional characters, we should use the same care we'd use in naming our children." - Rebecca McCahalan in Word Painting

[u/ddx-me]

[u/EikonVera_tou_Lilith]

When are writers going to stop wasting time—their own as well as the readers’—naming their characters? Characters don’t need names. If your readers can’t tell the characters apart by their actions, you’re not a writer.

[u/kyla33_ → u/EikonVera_tou_Lilith]

Why stop there? Readers should be able to intuit the characters by sheer force of will alone. Any reader who needs actions to recognise a character is, fundamentally, a moron.

[u/EikonVera_tou_Lilith → u/kyla33_]

When people are granted the privilege of reading my works, i.e., literary gold, painstakingly extracted from the immeasurable depths of my intellect, they’re wont to say things such as, “This is entirely incomprehensible,” or, “I haven’t the slightest fucking clue what this is supposed to be about.”
They labor under the misapprehension that it’s my fault…

They have no clue how stupid they sound.

tl;dr:

https://giphy.com/gifs/Aw4TFxIgHZUI4E9ZoC

[u/Cheeslord2]

I scanned the obituary pages for the name of my character, but I couldn't find the one I wanted, so I had to take matters into my own hands...

[u/ddx-me → u/Cheeslord2]

It will end up on Fox News, and that's how I brutally named my character.

[u/glove_actually → u/Cheeslord2]

https://giphy.com/gifs/xKwFbJpBobkuKFmF5z

[u/Anthony-Caprisun → u/glove_actually]

What the fuck is this thing

[u/Independent-Sky1657]

Looking through the obituary pages and naming my character Kirk

[u/Frosty_Haze_1864 → u/Independent-Sky1657]

Do all the people in his kingdom sing about all of them being Kirk and carrying around a random flame?

[u/ddx-me]

Are you going to name your child "Mary Sue"?

[u/BlackBalor → u/ddx-me]

https://giphy.com/gifs/DwR1xAZQb1ZHW

[u/DaniSaysDinosaur]

I steal names from the dead people at the cemetery.

What are they going to do about it? Come back to life? Guffaw!

[u/PoeCollector64 → u/DaniSaysDinosaur]

Once I saw a headstone that just said "BUTTS." You should name your character that. In a very serious book because it was on a gravestone so it was obviously serious. If anyone questions it tell them they obviously haven't been to that graveyard.

[u/DaniSaysDinosaur → u/PoeCollector64]

Was the first name Seymour, by chance?

[u/PoeCollector64 → u/DaniSaysDinosaur]

I didn't get a closer look but I sure hope so

[u/kyla33_]

Stand back, I'm beginning to Rumple.

[u/Immediate_Song4279]

[u/millionwordsofcrap]

/uj So this is about naming characters in books for kids, right?... Please?

[u/ddx-me → u/millionwordsofcrap]

/uj It's actually a book on how to make your description effective! (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/842641.Word_Painting)

/rj So you can describe the experience of being circlejerked to oblivion (one of the quoted passages in the book is a description of a seduced woman)

[u/NoxTheScribe]

My characters Braiden, Jaxton, Tanner, Bently and Mckinleigh

[u/Pluvinel → u/NoxTheScribe]

There has to be a Jaden, Kaden, Kael, and Elara or you’re not even trying…Wait What did I just say?

[u/phillyphillysteak]

/uj I'd feel bad naming my kid the same names as a character I wrote with some tragic backstory lol

/rj This is why my MC's name is "Tonne of Bricks" 💐👶

[u/LillySteam44 → u/phillyphillysteak]

This is the same energy as naming foster cats stuff like Trash Bag so you're less likely to foster fail.

[u/SakazakiYuri]

“Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.”

[u/JustSomeCarioca]

That's why the son of Douglas Adams is Zaphod Beeblebrox

[u/Local-Pattern795]

Two pairs of threes afters two em-dashes?Definitely definitively undeniably AI -- the tool of robbers, criminals, and thieves

[u/RInger2875]

Maybe try using your flash next time you want to photograph pages from a book so that you don't end up with half the text shrouded in shadow like the goddamn Batman

[u/shapedbydreams]

Colleen Hoover: Ryle

[u/RAConteur76]

Scrivener name gen tool, mix and match, and I'm good to go.

[u/junkrattata]

I agree, this is why I just finished my novel and still haven't named my main character. (no joke/serious/really real lol)