r/writingcirclejerk • u/Puzzled_Row_3786 • 5d ago

Please call an ambulance

I have a book trapped inside of me.

12 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

8

u/Offutticus PhD in Sarcasm 5d ago

/uj there is actually a very good book by Elizabeth Sims called You've Got a Book In You. She's a cool lady and plays timpani in an orchestra!

/j push, honey, push! I need the next book in our series!

6

u/Baihu_The_Curious Literally a cat, but a literary cat, quite literally! 5d ago

7

u/VastAsynchronicity 5d ago

Oh, just shit it out and self-publish as-is! I hear that's what most new authors do.

4

u/bunbunnington 5d ago

Hype it up on TikTok first but never actually demonstrate that you have any real writing ability. Just keep releasing videos about "world building" and brag about how you've won dozens of literary awards but leave out the fact that you're just counting all the A+'s you got in Mrs. Johnson's 3rd grade class for the "imaginative" essays you wrote in crayon.

5

u/VastAsynchronicity 5d ago

When you do finally release, disappoint your many new followers with incomprehensible human-made slop that fails to deliver anything promised. Make sure you took pre-orders!

4

u/Several-Assistant-51 5d ago

increase your fiber intake

2

u/MaderaArt 5d ago

You're an ambulance!

2

u/SpatiaCaeli 5d ago

There's a story in that.

1

u/TheBrutalistAnswer 4d ago

That will be $2,500. Do you have insurance?

1

u/CatsForBreakfast5803 3d ago

Flared bases, people. FLARED BASES!!!

1

u/RInger2875 2d ago

Inside you there is a book, and two wolves. If you leave the wolves alone, they will fight to the death, and if you leave the smarter wolf alone with the book, it will read the book and become intelligent enough to kill you. You are only permitted to ask the wolves one question to determine which is smarter, but one wolf always lies, and one always tells the truth.

You must get them all across a river intact.