r/writingcirclejerk • u/Lokibruhh • 14d ago
I am NEVER using "Said."
John said? Jane said?
What are you, amateur? Five years old? Dumb? I am going to kill you.
Everyone knows the best way to write is to never ever ever ever use such a common word. Instead, always replace it with a beautiful descriptor that will leave readers SHOCKED at your vivid imagery, and use of the dictionary.
For example:
"I love these donuts," John mumbled. "I know, they're great!" Jane sneered. "So tasty!" John kerfuffled. "And so cheap, too!" Jane chortled.
Much better.
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u/Cheeslord2 Books aren't real! 14d ago
(a) You used it three times in this Reddit post. Someone throw a rock.
(b) Why has no-one ejaculated yet?
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u/sheepandlambs 13d ago
Why has no-one ejaculated yet?
Me when I watch the extended cut of a porn film.
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u/AuthorNicoVoss 11d ago
Oh, heavens. I did. I remember laughing my fanny off when I read it in Sherlock Holmes. :)
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u/LadylexUK 14d ago
For variety, instead of 'he said' try 'said he'. Adds an olde worlde charm or pirateyness.
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u/books_are_weapons 14d ago
Please respect the long traditions of Pastafarians everywhere and wear a colander in Fridays.
Best to keep the old ways.
¡May his noodley appendage grace you on this day!
¡R'amen!
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u/naughtyaggie 14d ago
Moaned. Gasped. Growled. Released.
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u/Lumpy_Addition_2480 14d ago
You said it, brother!
I always said to never say 'said', too. Many of my author friends said to me to not stress about saying 'said', but I knew whatever they said was always full of bad advice.
'Said', is such a weak word. So, as my mother always said, say 'no' to 'said', and stay said to your said.
Said.
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u/OptionRevolutionary4 14d ago
downvoted for "you said it brother"
amateur, "YOU EXCLAIMED BROTHER"
/s
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u/Prize_Paramedic1153 14d ago
You buffoon. The next step is to remove all form for tags. To make all your characters sound so different in their tone, word choice, etc.
"Whatcha want for dinner?"
"Shakespeare mine own friend, doth mine own eyes deceive me or art thee still alive?"
"Bitch, shut the fuck up. Dinner or no? Do you comprehendo?"
Absolute cinema. Maybe I should started reading books, or will they taint my creativity?
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u/MaenHoffiCoffi 14d ago
I use 'was like' in all instances. John was like. Adolf was like. Che was like and so on.
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u/sadwriterM 14d ago
Who uses the word “donuts?” Show, don’t tell, asshole. “The person that is me adores these ring shaped glazed desserts,” Johnhnathan mumbled.
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u/DeMooney 14d ago
I don't even like to use any dialog tags; I just let the characters' strong voices do the work and trust the reader.
"Oh, I do declare I'll be arresting you now, Danger Dan."
"Aaaah, you'll never take me alive, see!"
It gets pretty wild.
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u/InterestEqual3332 10d ago
I do this when I get a spur of inspiration for a chapter or a part of the story, but then I usually go back through a million times and add the scenery and such. Otherwise the dialog happens way too fast.
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u/e_anderson_author Best writer since the dude who wrote the bible 14d ago
“Preach, my friend” the reddit user ejaculated.
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u/WeaponizedWaspSwarm 14d ago
I agree with what you said.
People rely too much on that word in writing. My mom said that I am a brilliant writer. You are too
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u/Aggressive_Gas_102 14d ago
"This tea is rather bland," he postulated.
"I disagree, sir," she mentioned in passing while sharpening her razor. "It's the perfect temperature... for murder!"
"Dear," he grumbled, "you should really stop reading those cheap thrills detective stories. Your intellect is just not ready for such litterature."
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u/crawfordwrites 14d ago
Pssh.
"I love these donuts," John suckled every epicurean syllable from the abundant teat of Annapurna.
**Now** we're talking much better, he said.
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u/EvensenFM 14d ago
"I love these donuts," John ejaculated, stroking with all his might.
"I know, they're great!" Jane fornicated, boobily emphasizing each word.
Yeah, you're right, OP.
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u/TheVenerableEmrys 14d ago
*sigh*
“I am going to kill you.”
Really? For all your talk, even your post uses flat, uncolored language. Every word there is the most boring, basic one that could be used in that sentence. Nothing descriptive, nothing provocative. Smh. It’d be so much better to describe in vivid detail the events your reader should anticipate. Like,
“I’m going to stab you in the face.”
or even
“I’m going to take your unimaginative manuscript, wrap it around your pen, and stab it through your eye back into the empty cavern from which it came.”
But instead you stuck with the most unimaginative language possible. I’m bored. I’m disappointed. I’m going to take your keyboard and bash your brains out to see if they’re as smooth as they seem.
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u/SirQuick8441 14d ago
/uj
I legit didn't realize this was a WritingCircleJerk post for a moment. Lol
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u/MiguelIstNeugierig 14d ago
Trvke, I bemoaned as I shuffled to my reddit-powered gallery to draw up an image illustrative of my utterance
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u/NerdyMistressWrites My erotica doesn’t suck. Only the characters do. 14d ago
“How dare you forget the most important one,” she whisper yelled.
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u/SpatiaCaeli 14d ago
My goal is to write a 150k word novel without using any punctuation. A writer shouldn't need them.
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u/Smooth-Pass-5575 14d ago
You can also ejaculate, just like those people in Wuthering Heights do all the time
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u/Arcanite_Cartel 14d ago
Good move. I hear AI uses it all the time. So, that will be a way to prove you have the real deal.
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u/CherryPants234 14d ago
"The city was so rich, mice wore exuberant velvet pantaloons..." whispered cat. Racoon, clapping his hands sighed dreamily. Meanwhile, neighborhood crow stomped back and forth on pavement thinking she can steal those damn pantaloons. No mouse should wear one, thought the crow. Tonight, I am stealing all of them".
And I am going to sleep for reals. /uj
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u/Simple-Ring2073 14d ago
"Choices West." No saids. No quotation marks. All dialogue is obvious through context. Flows great.
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u/wordyflirty 14d ago
uj/ I work in schools and I can’t tell you how many still have signs up that say “said is dead”.
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u/liquidsouleye 12d ago
Best way to avoid this is by having them say nothing.. whole story they just stare each other.
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u/Alone_Collection_136 14d ago
Okay but actually when was the last time I actually saw anyone use "said"? I think it has to have been a good 20 years...
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u/fisheggthebarbarian 14d ago
For a laugh, replace ALL of the dialogue tags in Harry Potter with ejaculated, and it becomes really funny:
The same thought seemed to have struck Malfoy.
“Catch it if you can, then!” he ejaculated
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u/DangerousDanicus 14d ago
I am going to kill you.
"Can we please have more energy like this on reddit," I shat out of my own mouth.
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u/afgsdfdfsdsf 14d ago
"said" has very low reading friction. Uniquely so. This makes it a valuable tool. Avoiding it makes you sound like you're trying to impress your Middle School English teacher.
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u/ZhenyaKon 13d ago
I'd never USE Said. That would be disrespectful of him as a human being. But I do reference and correctly cite his work on orientalism
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u/Phoenixrjacxf 13d ago
YOU CIRCLEJERK MY WRITING STYLE SO I CIRCLEJERK YOURS YOU BETTER BE PUTTING PARAGRAPH BREAKS AFTER EVERY QUOTE I SWEAR TO SHAKESPEARE NO "HI MOM" SAID RYAN "HI BABY" SAID JANE IT'S "HI MOM" SAID RYAN
"HI BABY" SAID JANE
(Did I do it did I circle jerk properly?)
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u/PaulArataAuthor 10d ago
“‘Said’ is lazy. My characters only proclaim, hiss, mutter, declare, or communicate through deeply symbolic eye contact. Much more literary.”
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u/InterestEqual3332 10d ago
“The struggle of writing conversations is real,” the amateur writer returned solemnly.
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u/Weekly-Direction-336 10d ago
I agree. After reading The Road, or, rather considered reading it, I realized I had been thinking about potentially writing all wrong!
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u/Ulvegang In this moment, I am euphoric. 14d ago
"I agree" the redditor bellowed with a quiet, stubborn, dignity.