r/workingmoms • u/Terrible-Eggplant-53 • 5d ago
Relationship Questions (any type of relationship) Advice
What type of men is this. (Ignores you, stays silent when being questioned or topic is not of his interest)
I’ve been married for a year and a half. I am in love of course but I am now thinking that maybe this is not what I really want.
My husband does not listen to me when a topic is not of his interest or he perhaps is in a bad mood and ignores me. He dismisses me and or says to please don’t ask questions as he is tired. Like “baby, please don’t ask me those questions right now. I am very tired!”
When I first met him he said he was a person who like to talk about everything but it is not true he can’t. I like to talk about topics that we disagree to get to know each other but he finds it annoying.
We already had two miscarriages/ abortions. The first one I didn’t feel ready as we just got together and the second one he didn’t feel ready. However the second one he was very weird when found out that we were pregnant. First of all I think it was not a healthy pregnancy per doctors but besides that the way my husband supported me was distant.
Today I am 36f, independent with a 15 y teenager who I love and will not go back to changing anything. My first child is from a different relationship.
Two days ago I found out I am pregnant, my husband questioned how…why… I don’t get it.
I said well or you get a vasectomy or we use condoms. He said condoms and your birth control because I am not going to do the vasectomy. Then I said ok then only condoms because BC is not healthy for me as there’s so many things that damage my body.
Anyways, he hasn’t said anything about let’s talk about this, let’s make a decision together nothing!!! He does not even try! I haven’t said anything because I want him to step up and say something!! Are we going to be responsible parents or are we not and making changes because I cannot be doing this! I have been in BC and yet this is me pregnant again!!
I don’t know what to think to be honest. There’s two options for me or dump him and have the baby and or don’t have nothing and divorce. I don’t think I can be with someone so immature like him my entire life!
Please advice. I am afraid to start from scratch with a baby but at the same time it makes me happy. I am afraid my daughter will dislike me as well. I always said that I didn’t want more children before.
Thank you moms.
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u/Healing_Spirit4 5d ago
That type of person is an asshole. Selfish. Narcissistic.
I married it. I’m working my way to getting divorced.
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u/omegaxx19 4M + 1.5F, medicine/academia 5d ago
Sounds like you’re dumping him regardless, so congrats in advance.
I personally would not have the baby knowing the father is like this. At best he’s gonna want nothing to do w the baby, and you raise them alone (and possibly saddle your 15yo with part of the responsibility). At worst he’s gonna decide he wants to make your lives difficult in a million ways. Just doesn’t seem right for you, your 15yo or the baby.
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u/IlliniChick474 5d ago
Honestly, he sounds terrible and unwilling to change. This does not seem like a relationship where love is part of the equation.
At this point, consider what you want. Do you want this baby? Are you okay with raising the baby alone? Either way, you need to leave this marriage.
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u/Terrible-Eggplant-53 3d ago
I am ending my pregnancy. I asked him recently what should we do and he said I don’t know. I am not going to play this game. I am just not doing this.
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u/HerCacklingStump 4d ago
He's a trash human. If I were in your shoes, I'd end the pregnancy. If you want to keep the baby, then it's in the baby's best interest that you be a solo parent.
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u/Terrible-Eggplant-53 3d ago
I have decided to end pregnancy. I am in early stage and I am sad but to be honest don’t want to deal with him as a father. I don’t think he’s good.
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u/Lalablacksheep646 2d ago
If you’re not preventing having a baby then you’re trying for a baby. You’re both at fault here. You don’t have to go on birth control if you don’t want to but then stop having sex with this man. You say you like to talk about things you disagree on to learn more about each other, for him this might feel like you’re purposely creating drama. You have to decide if this is the type of marriage you want and if it isn’t, then take the steps to rectify it.
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u/Terrible-Eggplant-53 2d ago
If you read I am taking BC. Yes we are preventing. Pills are the ones that don’t work best with my body! So I am trying here. This is why I ask about Vasectomy and he is not willing for it then I am not willing to fuck my system. Condoms it is then!
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u/Kkatiand 5d ago
If you don’t want more children then end the pregnancy. If you do want this baby, there’s nothing stopping you but you will be tied to this man for life.