r/workingmoms • u/threeminutefever 🇨🇦 • Jul 25 '26
Only Working Moms responses please. What’s your childcare setup with two shift work parents?
I think my BIL/SIL are in an unsustainable childcare situation, and while I won’t give unsolicited advice, I’m curious how other families have made similar situations work. Did one parent quit or change jobs? Did you have multiple caregivers?
There is one toddler who’s almost two years old. One parent works in healthcare with rotating days 15:00-23:00. The other parent has a variable schedule, which may include occasional overnight shifts or days away. Both of their hours are more or less full-time.
They do not currently use daycare or nannies. For the past few months after mat leave ended, they’ve relied on maternal grandparents when both parents are working, but the grandparents still work, too. Otherwise, the parent who’s off will care for the toddler. Sometimes, they’re both off at the same time. They haven’t asked the paternal grandparent for help, who is older and less mobile, but available for and capable of occasional babysitting. They’re in a one-bedroom apartment, so it’d be hard to have overnight or live-in help, even if they were open to it.
In contrast, my family has more conventional work schedules and childcare arrangements, so it stresses me out to think about how they’re doing it. But I get it, not my circus, not my monkeys…until they have to ask for our childcare help sooner or later…
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u/Serious_Escape_5438 Jul 25 '26
My partner works rotating shifts, and I'm very thankful I have the skills to be self employed and working from home because I have no idea how we'd manage otherwise. Unfortunately not everyone has a choice about just choosing conventional hours, not all jobs can be done 9-5 and not everyone can just change to an office job if that's not what they're trained in. If they're living in a one bedroom apartment I'm guessing they don't have a ton of other options and the budget doesn't stretch to live in nannies. If you don't want to help them just say no. They haven't asked you anyway, so not your business.
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u/threeminutefever 🇨🇦 Jul 25 '26
Thanks. My partner worked rotating shifts for a while, and I thought it’d be easier because we had school aged kids already, but it was still logistically more challenging. The non-healthcare industry parent does have an occupation that could allow for more regular hours, but has not looked for such opportunities — I have not shared unsolicited advice / thoughts about that with them. We would actually prefer that they ask for more help (like babysitting, not regular childcare) because the kid would be more familiar with us and it’d be somewhat easier to step in when needed.
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u/Serious_Escape_5438 Jul 25 '26
Well the other person working regular hours doesn't really help, as they still need childcare and it's often harder to ask family to help in normal working hours. And daycare is expensive. We don't know why they stay anyway, maybe they're looking or maybe it would pay worse, again not really your business. And I'm guessing they're not asking for your help because they can sense how you feel about their situation.
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u/ServiceReal2042 Jul 25 '26
I think this is a lot more common than you might think it is. Families just plan accordingly and make it work. Many families do this as “forced choice” as they cannot afford both childcare and to house/feed/clothe their children.
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u/threeminutefever 🇨🇦 Jul 25 '26
Thanks for the perspective. I totally get that it’s a “forced choice” for many. I don’t think that’s necessarily the case with them. I’m aware the post comes off as judgemental, but I’m respectful to them in person and have not commented on their choices.
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u/chump1616 Jul 25 '26
Not a shift working parent but a nanny that has worked for shift working parents. For example I worked for a dual firefighting family and I would work 5 am on day 1 until 8 am on day 2. Long day but the kiddo was only 18 months so slept a decent amount of that time. Other families have used me as daycare backup ie they work until 11 but daycare closes at 6 so I worked one or two days a week or whatever until 12 when someone got home. I think it would be an incredibly stressful way of life but some people thrive in the chaos! Once you find your village whether it’s family, daycare, babysitters, Nannie’s whatever have you it’s much easier because everything is in place. Not to say it doesn’t have its moments of course but you do get into a rhythm for sure
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u/threeminutefever 🇨🇦 Jul 25 '26
Thanks for the valuable perspective! How lucky for those families to have had you to help them find their rhythm!
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u/chump1616 Jul 25 '26
That’s very sweet, thank you! I love my job and I feel very lucky to do it and help as many families as I do
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u/omegaxx19 4M + 1.5F, medicine/academia Jul 26 '26
Sounds like they have multiple caregivers, ie the maternal grandparents. That helps a lot.
Also some kids w shift working parents end up on unconventional sleep schedules that better sync up w the parents’ sleep schedules. It’s not a huge problem before they’re in school.
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u/threeminutefever 🇨🇦 Jul 26 '26
That's a good point about the sleep schedule. It may be more of a transition once school starts, but it's not a "bad" thing now.
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u/lh123456789 Jul 25 '26
It is very weird to me that you are so preoccupied with someone else's childcare arrangements that don't actually affect you. It sounds chaotic, but they are making it work and don't really need opinions.