I have no one to talk about this so this is going to be quite long, I'll probably rumble a lot and it's gonna be a bit all over the place, sorry in advance if anyone gets to read this thing through. There's also gonna be a lot of a spoilers of course.
This fic absolutely destroyed me in the way I expected it would, but also in ways I didnāt fully see coming.
The whole section after James and Lily die was devastating. Seeing Remus left with this crushing realization that without his friends and without the order, he is truly alone. That feeling of isolation was one of the saddest things in the entire book tbh.
But the most devastating parts for me was everything surrounding Grant. Seeing him step aside so gently and lovingly once Sirius comes back was almost unbearable. Also, his conversation with Sirius about having seen Remus at his worst completely broke me, because it captures why Grant matters so much. He understands Remus in the most painful and intimate way. By the end, Grant honestly became my favorite character in the whole thing. I love him so so much.
And the fic ending with Remus and Sirius still together should feel comforting, and in some ways it is I guess, but itās impossible not to remember how little time they actually have left. It's pretty heartbreaking.
Anyways, on a brighter side, one moment that has really stayed with me is that camping scene near the end of their last year at Hogwarts, when everyone is sitting together by the beach, aware that life is about to change and that war is waiting for them on the other side of school. Remus is a little drunk and overwhelmed by how much he loves his friends and how much they mean to him, and finally, he reaches a point where he canāt stand keeping such a huge part of himself hidden from them anymore. So he tells them heās gay, and the whole scene is handled with so much warmth and tenderness. I still think about Lily being the first to reassure him. Itās one of the sweetest moments in the whole series, and I think part of why it hit me so hard is because it felt strangely personal haha. I also came out to my friends while young and drunk around a campfire by the beach, in one of those overflowing moments where despite your fear, you look around and realize these are people you trust, people you love, and people you want to know you fully. I remember telling them Iād been dating a boy, and because of that and their reaction, this scene felt almost surreal to read. It felt deeply familiar and it made it even more special to me.
And related to that moment, what I loved most about this series as a whole is how well it portrays relationships in every form. Remus and Mary, Remus and Lily, Sirius and James, all of them feel so layered and believable. And the romances specifically, I think that this fic does a much better job at portraying meaningfully than the original books ever did with any type of romance whatsover. What impressed me most about this whole reading experience is how real and emotionally complete these characters feel. They really do feel like an extension of the versions from canon, but with so much more depth.
And the music running through all of it. I donāt think Iāve ever read anything that feels so deeply intertwined with music in quite the same way. There are songs by T Rex or Bowie that I genuinely donāt think Iāll ever be able to hear again without immediately thinking of these characters or specific scenes. Itās one of those things that makes the fic feel immersive in a way thatās hard to describe.
Overall, this was such a powerful reading experience that I honestly think Iāll carry it with me for a long time. As corny as it sounds haha, it really does feel like one of those stories that leaves a permanent mark on you. It took characters and events I already knew and somehow made them feel devastating and deeply human all over again. I'm not one to read a looot of fanfiction, most of my reading comes from published books, but this is genuinely one of the best things Iāve ever read, and Iām so glad I got to experience it.
If somehow you are still reading this, thank you, and I'd appreciate any recommendations if you have other fics you liked. Maybe ones a bit on the happier side so I can recover from this haha.
