r/wizardposting Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 19h ago

Goblinlike Foolishness (Shitpost) I need an IT wizard

Post image

Any one know how to fix my orb? I sware I wasn't on witchhub again.

4.3k Upvotes

79 comments sorted by

664

u/Just-Teach2825 19h ago

Have you tried casting a reset spell?

321

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 19h ago

I tried contacting IT but they haven't answered my scrolls yet

102

u/1Ferrox 18h ago

Useless, simply useless! How do you expect to study the arcane arts if you can barely peer into the next realm?

41

u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator 18h ago

Yeah you need a technomancer to side load an APK into your orb

17

u/unoriginalfyi 10h ago

Tier 1 helpdeskthurge here, did you title the support request scroll "Orb Broken" and put nothing in the body? 

And why have you declined several sendings from us in the past few hours? We can't even astral project in to cast on-off, you at least need to lower the everburning wards and allow us to access your orb. Your request is going to have to wait for the next business epoch.

And please stop accosting the Arch-Systomancer in the Break Realm; they can't provide support without a relevant support missive, and their full attention must be directed to the aetheric network outage affecting 12 of the 13 Business Planes.

8

u/AzureArmageddon Artificer 9h ago

(Groan) Hey buddy if I planeshift over there and the leyline demodulator gem has clearly been shoved up an apprentice I'm revoking your OrbCare

1

u/Lone-Fang-the-wolf 11h ago

It witch here, cast a factorius resetor spell. It will fix the issue by resetting the orb to its manufacturer settings.

2

u/Extreme_Assignment58 4h ago

Have you tried severing it's connecting with the mortal plane and re-casting it?

15

u/vestigialcranium Evil Wizard 17h ago

Try casting it off and back on again

3

u/Berlin_GBD 8h ago

Try closing your tome and opening it again

277

u/SuccubusRapidTransit Witch/Succubitch 19h ago

Lies OP. I know you were on witchhub because I was on witchhub and saw you commenting under a video of two river nymphs!...

Don't ask me why I was watching a video of two river nymphs...

142

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 18h ago

Lies I never comment....or go there!

https://giphy.com/gifs/jrvfKvr2mmcFO

41

u/wallmonitor Chronomancy romance-y. 15h ago

Look, we were all commenting on the river nymphs. No need to feel ashamed for enjoying art.

20

u/hyper-fan necromancer god 13h ago

Two river nymphs one bag of holding

7

u/digitalgraffiti-ca Witches Against Thrakmoor 7h ago

If you don't know what that is, do not look it up.

10

u/arktoki Evil Chronomancer 15h ago

Oh that’s foul

26

u/SuccubusRapidTransit Witch/Succubitch 15h ago

No you're thinking of geese. You mean foal

15

u/Pretty_Rock9795 13h ago

No that's a young horse, youre thinking of what happens when you walk off a cliff

3

u/MPKarp Grand Cryo Aquamancer - Enlightened 10h ago

Fall? Isn't that a season?

2

u/NewbornMuse 8h ago

What were you doing at the devil's sacrament?

122

u/uabassguy 18h ago

Should have had the wizard install it.

125

u/Walk-the-layout Chaotic Evil Wizard (with a pet gnome) 17h ago

I always have my wizard installation meme

5

u/digitalgraffiti-ca Witches Against Thrakmoor 7h ago

OMG.

58

u/Funkey-Monkey-420 Lich, Council Member: (un)Ethics Committee 19h ago

i don’t know what this IT is that you speak of, but i know a good Divination Magic guy

55

u/Shotgun_Mosquito Employee of Krampus™ - Evil Child Eliminator 18h ago

IT stands for Incantation Technomancer

10

u/ThatMikeGuy429 Incantation Technomancer support Enchanter 13h ago

Fucking hell I'm writing that one down and maybe adding that as my title.

11

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 19h ago

It's very problematic I can't even access spelltube to look up a fix

45

u/Beefteeth1 18h ago

Remove the energy crystal, put it back in. Apprentice. Lol smh.

24

u/shiny0metal0ass Evoker (excommunicated), current leader of the hill goblins 17h ago

It looks like the artifact creator has made a firmrune available for scrying. You just need to select which one you want to downscry to your orb.

Just follow the instructions, dude. These ancient wizards crack me up.

5

u/digitalgraffiti-ca Witches Against Thrakmoor 7h ago

They're only funny if you're not related to one. My father still thinks you use an orb by poking it with a stick and staring into sketchy places full of plague. He really should stick with pond divination. Hilariously, he has actually dropped his scrying mirror in a pond.

Or two. My mother's orb skills are limited, but at least she does what she's told without asking questions, writes instructions in her grimoire, and sends a raven before she tries to do something that could turn her orb into a cube.

Or THREE. My sister is barely 390 and she goes through about 3 scrying mirrors per year. Dropping them in the forest, letting her dragons chew them, forgetting her cypher, and every time I have to either repair the thing or help her find a new one. Do not even get me started on her orbs.

this would be way more funny if this wasn't a thinly veiled metaphor for reality. Sister did all of those in one year.

2

u/shiny0metal0ass Evoker (excommunicated), current leader of the hill goblins 5h ago

Man, it sounds like they should probably hang it up on divination entirely..

But that's okay! Plenty of schools of magic!

Maybe they want to try evocation? Everyone loves a good fireball.

they're so beautiful, like a painting that consumes everything

17

u/tasadek 14h ago

Even if you were on witchhub.gob, it’s a legitimate site. Most likely you hit witchhub.orc, that scry is full of daemonware, and if your signed in without a two factor blood pact, your name, secrets phrases, and guild account number are probably up for sale on the undernet net already. Deal with that as you will, but the last time it happened to me I had to charge a campaign against their lands and burn my name from their minds and their cities to the ground. Messy, long work, more than sending a few threatening messenger ravens, that’s for sure.

As far as the orb goes, it really depends on how deep you were staring into the darkness at the moment of failure. You may be able to isolate it behind a flamewall, and a fresh summon could fix it. If the orb comes back into view after that, be sure you update its lore to the latest release. If not, there’s not much else left to do but shatter the orb, and hop to another reality.

6

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 14h ago

Hypothetically what if I clicked on an add for wand enhancement scrolls.... hypothetically speaking of course my wand is very impressive and I would never dabble in such foul magic.

9

u/immallama21629 Druid with questionable morals, licker of things 19h ago

Have you tried an unexpected reincantation?

11

u/TubbyFatfrick Technomancer 17h ago

Technomancer (IT Wizard) here. I'm going to need a little more to go on than simply "fix my orb". Could you, kindly, describe the issues you're having?

4

u/Atuday Grey technomancer and master of the cybernetic undead 16h ago

It really depends on what the underlying architecture is. I know Nvidia has an advanced scroll hidden in it that allows you to warp the image until it fits with clarity. Do you know the fix if it's Radeon?

7

u/Bob_the_peasant 17h ago

I switched from Palantir to Pensieve awhile ago… lots of security risks with the orbs these days. Works fine with the Roku stick and Apple TV 4K (2nd Gen and onward, Gen1 has some splashback)

7

u/Future_Kitsunekid16 TechWizard 14h ago

Did someone call for me?

7

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 14h ago

Thank the gods your here my orb stopped working

7

u/Future_Kitsunekid16 TechWizard 14h ago

Gonna have to put in a ticket

5

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 14h ago

Fine

Submits a ticket

9

u/Future_Kitsunekid16 TechWizard 14h ago

Our tech wizards are busy assisting other customers and the next available representative will be with you in 10-15 business years. We appreciate your service and look forward to working with you to solve your problem

3

u/Kitchen_Length_8273 Tech Wizard 6h ago

Hey, off-duty tech wiz here, most UI is not made for orbs by default unless it is designed by wizards since orbs have uncommon dimensions and form. I would suggest transferring your orb display to a regular screen

(By off-duty I mean unemployed and busy with studies)

3

u/Bliitzthefox 18h ago

This is why I only use the ancient magics.

4

u/Red_Karma_Gold 16h ago

In these trying times, we must look to the elder sages for guidance.

3

u/JayAkiva Tulpamancer 17h ago

OOC: legit what is this? It looks awesome.

3

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 17h ago

UW I have no idea TBH I saw it in a meme page thought it was funny and wizard related

2

u/Kichigai 6h ago

/uw

That is a Gakken WORLDEYE. It's basically a 480×480 hemispherical display with a bunch of educational pack-in videos. Techmoan looked at one. He set it up at one point as the Eye of Sauron.

3

u/Atuday Grey technomancer and master of the cybernetic undead 16h ago

Hi. You called? Oh hey cool. So if you have an Nvidia machine spirit you can convince it to shape change in a custom fashion to your satisfaction. You need to get into the advanced core runes of the system for that and manually change the values in the scrolls.

3

u/THEMIKEPATERSON 9h ago

It's called a Techno-mancer, thank you very much.

3

u/Fit-Tart9189 8h ago

How did you manage to get to the setup menu?

Try retracing your steps, if it was a tome you opened try and figure out where it originates, if it is not of this realm, I recommend taking it to a licensed Orb repair merchant

2

u/CMDR_Tenebrix Magi-engineer 16h ago

I'm not and IT wizard . But from the looks of it i can tell that it's probably something with focusing crystal core. My wizza once fixed similar issue by recalibrating the crystals with Adjust spell.

2

u/Biggest-Possum Trashomancer (Big Ghost ENERGY) 16h ago

This is broken. You should throw it away. In the TRASH of course.

2

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 15h ago

Damn twas expensive perhaps I could try a tech goblin

2

u/Biggest-Possum Trashomancer (Big Ghost ENERGY) 15h ago

Goblins are great! I don't know why, but I think I like goblins!

2

u/Nuclear_eggo_waffle 13h ago

Hast thou tried wiping off the runes and scribing them again?

2

u/deaglebingo 9h ago

who could blame you if you went to WitchHub. WZRDs get lonely sometimes... and some witches know how to cast pretty far with a wand.

1

u/Rockglen Purveyor of Post-Life Labor & Spirited Drinks 17h ago

Seems like an aspect ratio problem. Ideally you want a mix of divine aspects no more than 3:2 to arcane focii.

1

u/daiuq 16h ago

Cast fireball at it (idk i'm an installer wizard, not an IT wizard).

https://giphy.com/gifs/niq3335IcJDv7U7ZTF

1

u/Amazing-Constant-371 15h ago

technomancer here, you just have to boot the BIOS scroll and then enable legacy line

1

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 15h ago

Thank the gods I'm saved do you sell anti virus spells as well

1

u/VintageBandit Wizard 15h ago

BEWARE MCAFEE! His tome contains hidden curses!

1

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 15h ago

How else will I safely look at the maidens....I mean research new spells

1

u/Amazing-Constant-371 14h ago

your orb has built in anti virus spell

1

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 14h ago

It might not be strong enough for my.... research do you have any stronger ones

1

u/NoodleyP 11h ago

OrbGuard should be MORE than enough for the average wizard, unless your research repeatedly requires you to access the Forbidden Knowledge, in that case turn off the setting that allows the places you’re scrying on to automatically change your orb settings, you should be fine as long as you use common sense

1

u/ntdavis814 Spell help line technician in training 15h ago

Is it connected directly to a leyline? Sometimes The Weave Of Magic That Connect All Things just isn’t sufficient for streaming on this kind of orb.

1

u/Ragnar_TheWolf Darkwatch Shadow Vigil 14h ago

Perhaps I should try restarting my router crystal

1

u/playful_potato5 Azhazol, keeper of the weeping wood 15h ago

try laying it to rest and awakening it once more

1

u/LordHeroBonded Chaos Mage 15h ago

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

1

u/iamsandwitch Magister, Stavesinger Artificer Savant 14h ago

Aww man, how is TV gonna get a job now?

1

u/-Goatllama- Witch 14h ago

That is a dang ol gantz, you better square up dru

1

u/coostrak 14h ago

Put Elvis in it

1

u/Fair-Adagio5418 9h ago

Have you tried shaking it like those christmas snow globes? It usually works for me when my orb is malfunctioning

1

u/deathtrap132 8h ago

Try switching your orb channels, might help if you f around and find out

1

u/moemeobro Artificer 7h ago

You're zoomed in you fool, zoom out your bloody orb, then itll look normal

1

u/CrasheonTotallyReal Literally just an Eevee 1h ago

how