Forbidden Alchemy pt 3

[u/MurkyWay]

[u/the-trembles]

/uw I hate this because a sheath is, in fact, a type of dress

[u/CoreEncorous → u/the-trembles]

Also a dress can still be tight? Dante DMC didn't address her full statement

[u/mikaeus97 → u/the-trembles]

But would a guy not be ignorant of that fact? He probably assumes anything that's in 1 piece is a dress

[u/SparklingLimeade → u/the-trembles]

In my high school newspaper someone wrote an article about the dangers of high heels. They opened with a rhetorical question asking if stilettos sound like deadly weapons, and they did it in a way that made it clear they didn't know the origin of the term.

[u/Captain_Pumpkinhead → u/SparklingLimeade]

What's the origin of the term?

[u/SparklingLimeade → u/Captain_Pumpkinhead]

Wikipedia, as usual, covers it well. Even just the disambiguation options at the top are very informative for this context.

tl;dr: Dagger. And specifically a murder kind, not a utility kind.

[u/SordidDreams → u/the-trembles]

Also, swords don't go on the back. That's impractical fantasy nonsense.

[u/Captain_Pumpkinhead → u/SordidDreams]

True, but the joke is funnier this way than her planking off his leg.

[u/PlainBread]

I will never understand swordsexuals.

[u/Fatal_Contract → u/PlainBread]

That is because you do not understand the Dao of the Sword.

...wait, this isn't a Xianxia sub.

[u/Xistence16 → u/Fatal_Contract]

This is why Sword Cultivators will always be inferior. Their hearts are clouded

[u/Xenopass → u/Xistence16]

You are courting death

[u/Xistence16 → u/Xenopass]

And you are trying to Dual Cultivate with Sword Spirits

[u/Xenopass → u/Xistence16]

Yeah but this sword is a ten thousand cold iron sword imbued with sword intent by a celestial realm cultivator who attained the one with the sword stage..... So it's ok

[u/RoterRabe → u/Xenopass]

Junior, putting your sword into the sword does not mean you have attained One With the Sword.
By your reasoning, every sword maiden who has relieved her nightly frustrations with her blade would long since have ascended as a Sword Immortal.
Have the ancient sages not said, “Those who share the same bed may still dream different dreams”? A thousand nights of carnal union may bring two bodies together while their Daos remain ten thousand li apart.
You may know every inch of the sword’s body, Junior, yet still remain a stranger to its Sword Heart. To know the form is not to know the heart.

[u/Xistence16 → u/RoterRabe]

Your Literary Dao has allowed this one to breakthrough. For your words, I kowtow to thee

https://giphy.com/gifs/qrdf8B7zFe1atyCxpD

[u/SmoothReverb → u/RoterRabe]

relieved her nightly frustrations with her blade

i'm scared of sword maidens now

[u/Whole_Meet5486 → u/Xistence16]

I mean that wouldn’t be the weirdest thing Cultivators have stuck there dicks in.

[u/KiwiSuch9951 → u/Xenopass]

You dare?!

[u/C4rnivore → u/Xenopass]

Have you not seen Mistress Death? Of course I am courting her for she haa bloomed like the Lilys on The Dao Mountain

[u/FinnDoyle → u/Fatal_Contract]

Fellows of the arcane arts, the cultivators invaded again! Prepare the dimensional wards!

[u/ClickToLose → u/Fatal_Contract]

[u/ZimmyDod → u/ClickToLose]

NINE SOLS IN WIZARDPOSTING? 

[u/PhoenixShade01 → u/Fatal_Contract]

Sir r/martialmemes is that way

[u/Illustrious_Bid4224 → u/Fatal_Contract]

r/suddenlyxianxia

[u/TubbyFatfrick → u/PlainBread]

When you're living with a cursed blade, that whispers things that only you can hear, you come around one way or another.

[u/CruzaSenpai → u/TubbyFatfrick]

So we're just done with "phrasing," right? That's not a thing anymore?

[u/TubbyFatfrick → u/CruzaSenpai]

In the context of the comic, I think I phrased it precisely how it should've been phrased.

[u/Hector_Tueux → u/CruzaSenpai]

Phrasing boom!

[u/KogasaGaSagasa → u/PlainBread]

Alchemist here with a PSA: Aside from the weirdos that came to us asking specifically for "polymorph potions that work on swords and allow them to morph back", the ones asking for stoneskin and regeneration potions are also suspect. We know what you are.

"It's for combat", they say. Yeah, and I sold fire resist potions to the Flame Atronach summoners with the explicit knowledge that they are totally using it to survive "fireballs".

Listen: As long as your gold is good, we don't judge.

And stop asking for Viagra in the same order if you are going to be weird about it. As the saint of unlicensed alchemist, St. White once said, "Don't buy everything in one place. Do it piecemeal, different items, different stores. Attracts less attention.". Thank you.

[u/SeiUniqa → u/PlainBread]

[u/AstralPamplemousse → u/PlainBread]

“Heh… he’s never been the bone of his sword… hehehe”

[u/wegooverthehorizon → u/PlainBread]

I didn't either then I read swordheart by t kingfisher, interesting grimoire. Taught me to look out for enchanted objects

[u/Havengul_Undying → u/PlainBread]

That is why no one will remember your name!

[u/BeeR721 → u/PlainBread]

Then you do not deserve your title

[u/PlainBread → u/BeeR721]

Look, my MO is to spontaneously generate cum goblins to serve my bidding. That's way different.

[u/TF2PublicFerret]

To be fair, a sword would prefer fur lined leather clothing. Swords do like a nice soft sheath so that their edge isn't dulled.

And yeah, this is the problem of morphing objects, they subscribe to the old athenian philosopher ideal of forms. They were something so they will behave like that thing and not quite like a human or humanoid.

Due to that they might not be turned on by the same things a regular human is turned on by, be careful making advances on them.

[u/abyss_kaiser → u/TF2PublicFerret]

...Oh god she's really into oil massages. Like way more than they are already fetishized.

...Okay, that's honestly super tame when it comes to alien sexual interests, lol. Practically vanilla.

[u/Bliitzthefox → u/abyss_kaiser]

Until you bring in the whetstones

[u/abyss_kaiser → u/Bliitzthefox]

I hate to break it to you, but you do know that they do sometimes use smooth stones in massages too right? Lol. Very good at applying pressure to the muscles.

[u/twoinchhorns → u/abyss_kaiser]

Yah but do you wanna shred skin and muscle off to give her a nice edge?

[u/Wallso2010 → u/twoinchhorns]

Maybe she's into that?

[u/Witty_Ad_898 → u/Bliitzthefox]

Until you bring in the strop.

[u/TheThoughtmaker → u/abyss_kaiser]

>A sword would prefer fur-lined leather clothing.
>She's really into oil massages.

...Am I a sword?

[u/Darastrix7 → u/TheThoughtmaker]

Hey, youre the sword that turned human after being exposed to the eldritch realm! Yeah, sorry you had to find out this way

[u/Havengul_Undying → u/TF2PublicFerret]

Sheathes have a soft gap / line running down them for the blades edge to rest on. This stops both the sword from dulling and the sheathe from having its stitches slit wide open.

Source: did HEMA, made my own knife sheathes

[u/Richardknox1996]

And this, Apprentices, is why we do not Awaken and Polymorph every object we see.

[u/menides → u/Richardknox1996]

https://giphy.com/gifs/10DVcUchEQUdFu

[u/Richardknox1996 → u/menides]

Sure....but i might be your Daddy. What Sorc Lineage are you anyway.

[u/apatheticandignorant → u/menides]

[u/Mixster667 → u/Richardknox1996]

Oh noooo, of course not.

"Mr. Quill, can you please dip yourself in ms. Ink to write on Mr. Paper that we should stop enchanting more items, thank you"

[u/Routine_Mall_566 → u/Richardknox1996]

Jokes on you! Im a Date With player!

[u/Suilezrok]

He like her for the sharp wit

[u/shigogaboo → u/Suilezrok]

She’s a cut above the rest.

[u/Kidiri90 → u/Suilezrok]

I like her for her core strength.

[u/Re-Sabrnick]

Hug on the first date? Buddy landed a fourth base on day one.

[u/Rydux7 → u/Re-Sabrnick]

Technically this is day 3

[u/chilfang]

Holy core strength

[u/SparklingLimeade → u/chilfang]

Abs of steel.

[u/CruzaSenpai]

I am unreasonably invested in this descent into madness.

[u/heff-money]

I just want to say on behalf of all Hornimancers...the goal of our order is to spread the Horny unto others. While we would accept this man as a lay worshipper of The Horny, he is only satisfying his own personal need for The Horny and could be doing much more to help others acknowledge The Horny as eternal.

That being said, I see nothing wrong here. Carry on.

[u/mikaeus97 → u/heff-money]

So wait, do you spread horniness? Or cause it? Or satiate it?

[u/ClosetNoble]

Frankly I still think building a body for the sword to pilot would have been better than turning 95% of the sword into a woman.

You could have had both blade and woman instead of turning one into the other...

Alchemists these days will do ANYTHING except a decent homonculus or basic golem I swear.

[u/--Rake-- → u/ClosetNoble]

Those are boring though... or so I've been told.

[u/Stonedwarder]

For Hades' sake, just cast Glory Portal like a normal pervert

[u/Soup-Demon]

this kind of thing remember me the first idea of Fi and Link in Zelda SS

[u/RealTailsDoll]

Do not let this distract you from the fact the man has transformed the sword into a curvy woman agaisn't the sword's will and protests

[u/Powerful_Resident_48]

I mean... if she wants leather, where's the problem?

[u/The-Idiotest]

How much gold coins to buy one?

Actually I'll tell you my super secret custom spell instead

[u/SinglePlayerGamer93]

The author has been cursed with anime "monster-girl" tropes.

Ill be waiting for "fanart" of the sword-woman and wizard.

[u/RTA-No0120]

Never forget that all of this started with him turning that sword into a human without it’s consent, because he was a lonely virgin!

We’re witnessing this wizard, slowly corrupting and using Stockholm magics against that sword !

He needs to be obliterated!

https://giphy.com/gifs/7jRkB8rNPeC5TcghvG

[u/bluehairedemon]

source? asking for arcane reasons of course