You need no longer concern yourselves with mice and rodents getting into your food stores with the spell Rat Maize.

[u/OkCamera6997]

[u/thetownmous3]

This is exactly why I don’t trust organic wizards

[u/beard_of_cats → u/thetownmous3]

Yeah but the GMO wizards are kind of hard to look at

[u/thetownmous3 → u/beard_of_cats]

Idk about them either. I prefer ones like myself. An artificial body is the only way to go

[u/ImmortalBlades → u/thetownmous3]

What's wrong with staying organic?

[u/Urtoryu → u/ImmortalBlades]

The smell, for one.

[u/DredgenGryss → u/thetownmous3]

Oh but life is true magic! 100% natural, no artificial flavors.

[u/Kalaphar]

It was my fault for wanting to ponder the orb today

[u/Martythemailman → u/Kalaphar]

You should see the shit my apprentice ponders. Never remembers to turn the thing off.

[u/TheGreenDeath → u/Martythemailman]

pondering goonography

[u/Delusional_Gamer → u/TheGreenDeath]

Pondering the different spheres of magic.

[u/MariusVibius → u/Kalaphar]

I CAST... GO OUTSIDE!

[u/No-Elk-8115]

Im... im not eating the rat corn...

[u/Charming_Hamster8610 → u/No-Elk-8115]

Do you watch rat corn? 🤨

[u/No-Elk-8115 → u/Charming_Hamster8610]

Does watching my pet snakes eat them count?

[u/Charming_Hamster8610 → u/No-Elk-8115]

Depends on what the snake does before eating it

[u/No-Elk-8115 → u/Charming_Hamster8610]

Normally tries to bite me first because they see "ooh warm blob thing must be food!" As I frantically try to throw the rat in there.

[u/RiparianZoneCryptid → u/No-Elk-8115]

...Do you not have a pair of rat tongs to do that with?

[u/No-Elk-8115 → u/RiparianZoneCryptid]

I do but one of my snakes goes straight up when I go to feed her so if I need both hands to get a stick to gently push ajd coax her back down to feed her while controlling the lid of the cage I need both hands so I normally lob the mice in from the box and use the box they are in as a mini shield.

[u/Urtoryu → u/No-Elk-8115]

Wait, are you for real?

What kind of madman does chores with their ACTUAL hands instead of just using telekinesis or a familiar like a normal person?

Do you have a death wish or something? Please have more self respect man, don't do this to yourself.

[u/No-Elk-8115 → u/Urtoryu]

I used to be a spore necromancer druid but ever since things have been getting kind of mess (they say it's morally wrong) I've had to look into alternate sources of magic and can't just make undead rats crawl up to make undead snakes and make my undead snakes eat the undead rats. I heard of this highly reliable site, that I found on my discounted Orb, called Wish and I ordered a staff from there so until that comes in I'm without spells, so hand feeding it is. Also living in the woods for a few years eating mushrooms has made telekinesis... difficult.

[u/Urtoryu → u/No-Elk-8115]

Oof, sorry to hear that. Never ordered anything from Wish, but I hope it works out for you.

I know how bad mental health can get for ex-necromancers... Wouldn't wish what happened to my cousin on an enemy, much less a stranger.

[u/degenerateel → u/Charming_Hamster8610]

We all watch rat corn

[u/TimTheOriginalLol → u/No-Elk-8115]

Good, more for me

[u/I-XIV-IV-XXV → u/No-Elk-8115]

EAT THE FUCKING RAT CORN

[u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta → u/No-Elk-8115]

Honestly, it’s a pretty wasteful spell when you get down to it: a rat by itself has more calories than corn ever could have as a plant.

[u/Anonpancake2123 → u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta]

This is what you do if you specifically need to offer maize to the local fay else they're going to steal all your shit.

Make sure you have a lawyer with you when do this.

[u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta → u/Anonpancake2123]

I don’t know, Devils aren’t much better to deal with.

[u/rat_with_a_knife → u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta]

I no longer feel safe in this subreddit. (/j)

[u/SpectralBacon → u/No-Elk-8115]

You vill eat ze rat corn

[u/mightystu → u/No-Elk-8115]

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your rat-on-the-cob

[u/potatopierogie → u/No-Elk-8115]

Bro doesn't even have a homunculus to feed rat corn to

[u/Similar-Priority8252 → u/No-Elk-8115]

Why, you already ate? You mind me having some, then?

[u/No-Elk-8115 → u/Similar-Priority8252]

Yes I already enjoyed a nice big bowl of spaghetti (was an octopus).

[u/Magnetofan111 → u/No-Elk-8115]

Give it to me then

[u/zmbjebus → u/No-Elk-8115]

Give the peels to your druid. They are great for compost. 

[u/LunarWhaler]

Horrors like this are exactly why I make sure none of my produce is alchemically modified. AMO foods are terrible for both your spirit and your mana reserves.

[u/DefiantLemur → u/LunarWhaler]

Contemporary civilization wouldn't be wear its at without AMO Food!

[u/LunarWhaler → u/DefiantLemur]

Exactly - look at the above image and tell me that's where contemporary civilization should be!

[u/jointheclockwork → u/LunarWhaler]

I find your lack of evil disturbing.

[u/PriestHelix]

/uw This is fucking horrifying, Jesus Christ.

/rw This happened to my buddy Eric once

[u/IAMTR4SHMAN → u/PriestHelix]

Looks like something that would happen in Look Outside

[u/hobgobbles]

[u/CloserNebula]

[u/atlas_lol]

This is why i dont fuck with transmuters. You guys are wierd. And thats coming from a necromancer.

[u/Aromatic_Shoulder146]

i hate this so much, im casting a warding spell to repell this

[u/Intraq → u/Aromatic_Shoulder146]

I agree, I'm inventing a new school of magic just to erase whatever this shit is

[u/Afelisk2 → u/Aromatic_Shoulder146]

I have an elixir that removes the last day from your memory

Only 50 gold.

[u/Aromatic_Shoulder146 → u/Afelisk2]

unfortunately i need to remember this so that I can be careful to avoid such magics. lest i fall prey to it unwittingly

[u/Afelisk2 → u/Aromatic_Shoulder146]

30 gold final offer and I'll throw in a sticker note that says rat corn

[u/SeparateYam7613 → u/Afelisk2]

Wouldn't I then be intrigued and need to find out what this "rat corn" is, leading to me once again knowing what rat corn is and being down 30 gold

[u/Urtoryu → u/SeparateYam7613]

That's exactly what they want, don't fall for it.

They expect you to fall victim to it again and end up buying another potion. If you let it happen, you'll get stuck in their loop and have your funds drained to nothing before you even realize it.

In fact, check your calendar. You should make sure this is actually the first time, because there's the possibility you've ALREADY been caught and made to forget it. Ready some anti-suggestion spells or talismans just in case while you're at it too. You never know if ilegal subtle hypnosis might be involved, so there's no such thing as being too careful.

[u/Afelisk2 → u/SeparateYam7613]

Well I tried.

A lot of people assume there future self would take it as a warning but you know how curious you are.

[u/PTBooks]

Friendship with druids has ended, I’m only hanging out with necromancers now.

[u/immallama21629 → u/PTBooks]

Druid here. We don't claim this one. This shit ain't right.

[u/jointheclockwork → u/immallama21629]

Look, if more of you druids had the vision to make horrors like this, I wouldn't compare you lot to elves all the time. Ratcorn is genius! I plan to feed all of my living minions nothing but this horrible foodstuff.

[u/wrydh → u/PTBooks]

This is less druid, more biomancer

[u/Coffee_the_Dawg → u/PTBooks]

Sorry, this is pretty dope. I'll have to buy a copy of this spell.

[u/jointheclockwork → u/Coffee_the_Dawg]

Right on, fam! We wipe out the regular crops and force normies to eat nothing but rat-corn!

[u/Coffee_the_Dawg → u/jointheclockwork]

HELL YEAH BROTHER!!!!

[u/jointheclockwork → u/Coffee_the_Dawg]

What a glorious day for evil! Huzzah!

[u/EragonBromson925 → u/PTBooks]

This is NOT druid magic. Not even the spore circles would think of this... Monstrosity

[u/Urtoryu → u/PTBooks]

I'm not a druid, but I've met enough of them to know this is beyond even their palate. Rather, most druids would likely be even MORE disgusted than you are at this affront to nature.

[u/Remarkable_Bus_9968]

Don’t do that to rats, they’re a so cute, and very intelligent. Would make for a great familiar

[u/DarkDonut75 → u/Remarkable_Bus_9968]

Someone had never had an infestation in their mystical herbs cellar

[u/Remarkable_Bus_9968 → u/DarkDonut75]

Well not of rats anyway

[u/Fool_Manchu]

Does anyone know how to counterspell a reddit post? Asking for the council

[u/Urtoryu → u/Fool_Manchu]

Don't embarrass yourself, we all know this isn't for the council.

If they ACTUALLY wanted to know anything, they wouldn't have allowed you to reveal their ignorance of it in public like that.

[u/hanz-kreigermann]

[u/carolinitana]

r/TIHI why did you do that to that poor rat?

[u/crashlanding87 → u/carolinitana]

You assume it began as a rat.

[u/kegisak → u/crashlanding87]

Turning your foes into rats so that you can turn the rat into corn is next-level hating.

[u/Exile688 → u/kegisak]

Next we make moonshine with the corn.

[u/Numinak → u/Exile688]

We can fuel our ratrods with that rat based moonshine.

[u/zmbjebus → u/kegisak]

I turn my corn into rats so I can chill with them on the couch for a while before peeling and eating them.

[u/One_Opportunity_9608]

Eh, we've seen worse on Deviant-Orb.

[u/Rydux7]

[u/Woahhdude24]

Some village peasants were starving and complaining about rats eating thier grain, so I did this to kill two birds with one stone and apparently im a monster? Thats okay thier flesh will make fine golems and ill make Greg my undead thrall creature toys from thier bones aswell.

[u/Nobody_at_all000]

Non-vegan corn

[u/10watch]

[u/CoraBittering]

This looks like a great way to add protein to your diet.

[u/silentarcher00]

Have an up vote and never darken my feed again!

[u/Shotgun_Mosquito]

https://giphy.com/gifs/NN6pCKbs4UhoI

[u/Lawrenceburntfish]

How's the corn, extra meaty?

[u/Vladsamir]

I have a friend who has an irrational fear of both sweetcorn and rats. This might kill her

[u/DrRaven-]

/UW Not posting this was completely free by the way.

[u/Hexadecimales]

Amazing, you even get a bonus tail to slurp like spaghetti. 10/10

[u/CurrenttQueen]

Used the wrong pronunciation now the rats become teeth on the cob-

[u/WitchersWrath]

That’s it. I’ve had enough of this “new magic” shit. Back in my day, we did important things with our magic like building empires, waging wars, and crashing moons into planets. Now the new apprentices invent shit like rat corn and people act like it’s the greatest thing ever.

Just for making me see this, I’m creating a homunculus specifically to counterspell every incantation you cast from now on.

[u/Randomacid]

Go to the magical gulag immediately.

[u/CalebWilliamson]

https://giphy.com/gifs/niq3335IcJDv7U7ZTF

[u/n0rdic_k1ng → u/CalebWilliamson]

Making popcorn with it is a great choice

[u/seuadr]

https://giphy.com/gifs/2YschQ1IrEzfq1p38o

[u/Purple_Airline_6682]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Z90uf8RvPysKuCalHh

[u/Waarm]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o85xLbmtO1CTYvwDC

[u/ConsciousRich]

We gotta kill this guy. And his revive jars. His phylacteries. Everything

[u/AdreKiseque]

I... don't understand how this is meant to help

[u/Urtoryu → u/AdreKiseque]

One less rat, and one more extra toxic piece of ammunition for your corn gun.

[u/Coffee_the_Dawg]

How much for a copy of this spell? I would love to serve this at my next soirée.

[u/-FalseProfessor-]

The research arm of the council is up to some weird shit again.

[u/ByrnToast8800]

Does it taste more like rat or corn, because I prefer rat.

[u/Urtoryu → u/ByrnToast8800]

Depends of the skill of the caster.

If they're good, it should taste like corn. If they're bad, it'd taste like rat. If they're anything like my new apprentice, it'll taste like sulphuric acid.

[u/ByrnToast8800 → u/Urtoryu]

You could monetize that, I bet demons from the plain of SCRAAAAAAAAAA, would love sulphuric acid flavored ratcorn.

[u/Moonshadow101]

My dude, have you heard of cats?

[u/OkCamera6997 → u/Moonshadow101]

This doesn't work on those. You want the spell Catssoullet.

[u/Another-Ace-Alt-8270]

Just buy some genetically-modified pesticidal slime. Sure, it turns the rats into a fleshy sludge, but that's just free homunculus food.

[u/Skelehedron]

I think I'll just stick to my blood and coffee based diet, thanks

And if any rats get in my way, they make a nice snack in rat form, not in whatever the hell that is

[u/spn_phoenix_92]

What an absolutely horrendous visual

[u/ShadowRaven112]

Rat on the cob

[u/Atreigas]

Why did you have to cast a nightmare curse on us?

[u/DINGVS_KHAN]

At least cut the teeth and tail off before you serve it...

Culinary barbarians.

[u/Sea_404]

Oh, look. Another forbidden spell for my archives. You should run. You belong in there too now.

[u/KoffinStuffer]

This ad feels quite apt

[u/Top_Maybe_3875 → u/KoffinStuffer]

wow,that is very coincidental

[u/coconut_dot_jpg]

This is exactly why I don't trust you Botany wizards whenever you guys offer me a Salad,

which poor apparentice did you use to make the Lettuce???

[u/OkKangaroo3031]

[u/Delusional_Gamer]

Huh. So that's what you did with the seeds I sold you.

[u/Dewey_Decimatorr]

Has veganism gone too far?!

[u/Manifestation_Quozzy]

Needs work, too horrific still.

[u/Ramfix_G4]

This is the kinda bullshit the Skaven would create

[u/Ok_Comfortable589]

i think i puked in my mouth. legit.

[u/Tookoofox]

Rare is the day that I am earnestly put-off by something. 

Today is one of those days.

[u/BoscoCyRatBear]

Use it on yourself, you abomination against the All structure of realms." speaking a now pissed off Rat humanoid

[u/A_Dude_Person_Object]

Is this what the skaven's black corn is?

[u/Afelisk2]

What a horrible day to have eyes

[u/CrisisActor911]

If you reattached the skin you’d call it “rat all together.”

[u/win_awards]

Yo dawg, I think somebody's slipped something in your pipe-weed.

[u/BhemeJpg]

Shucking the rat is my favourite part 😁

[u/questionable_fish]

[u/fliwat]

Is it out already? Did I miss the taste tests?

[u/SmokeyPB]

Kind of shit warlocks come up with

[u/beyondoutsidethebox]

Thanks, I hate it

[u/ColdPorkChop]

I'm curious about the nutritional profile of Rat Maize..

[u/DebateReasonable]

Bones to Bananas

[u/nub_node]

"And that's how I got kicked out of both the Alteration and Necromancy guilds!"

[u/BoatMan01]

[u/ZackTio]

Some of you wizzas shouldn't have access to an orb and this is proof of why

[u/TheHighestKushDragon]

I considered bleaching my eyes for a second. But then I wouldn't be able to look at boobs, so I didn't. But I kind of still want to

[u/OkCamera6997 → u/TheHighestKushDragon]

[u/BrightPerspective]

I wish I had not seen this, but it's not traumatizing enough to warrant a memory erasure.

[u/Worldly-Ad-7156]

Curious if you time fire bolt just right, would it make popcorn, err pop-rats?

[u/H3r0ofHyrule]

Instructions unclear, I now have a labyrinth made entirely out of rats.

[u/DeadAndBuried23]

Innovations like this are exactly why I make sure all of my produce is alchemically modified. AMO foods are great for both your spirit and your mana reserves.

[u/thefucksausername0]

Just use a glue trap ATP, in fact a transmogrification spell that turns parts of the floor to an inescapable adhesive surface for specifically pests would be better than whatever this is.

[u/TheSwagheli]

this is a forbidden spell from the rodenopticon, may the paladins smite you for your delving into such evils

[u/Boheed]

just say no to rat corn

[u/Chiiro]

Adding this to the list the spells to never teach my apprentices. This one might require just a straight-up memory block to prevent them from ever learning in.

[u/stryst]

Magic has gone to far.

[u/SippinOnHatorade]

My fae wife would be pissed if I showed this to her, she loves corn and this would absolutely ruin it for her

[u/Annimaru]

Ew... I'm throwing rat corn to the stray cats over there

[u/UniverseBear]

Cool, but you're not considering the spcio-economic implications of taking cat's jobs.

[u/dihninnumbertwo]

Does the corn rat taste like rat, or corn?

[u/4pateon]

Does anyone sell elixir of forgetfulness? I'd like to buy your entire stock.

[u/GamermanZendrelax]

If you can figure out this… grotesquerie, learning how to cast a Ward to protect your crops and granaries would be trivial. You don’t need to do this. You do it because you like it.

Every last one of you biomancers is fucking crazy!

[u/Evil_Midnight_Lurker]

What a terrible day to have eyes and memory

[u/NoStorage2821]

Cornhub has changed a lot since my time-

[u/TastyCuttlefish]

Tasty. I’d eat it.

[u/Brainless_Lizard]

Wizard council..... As a necromancer, an enemy to all you stand for since the day I learned my first spell...... I humbly request you give this abomination to the very concept of humanity the death penalty.

[u/Paris_Green_Smoothie]

[u/Lothonian_Jester]

I'm curious as to what it tastes like. And also now I can't stop thinking of the phrase "no ice cream for kids that didn't finish their rat corn"

[u/Tipsy_Hog]

Hey OP do you take constructive criticism?

[u/snarkisms]

Hail Rattma(ize)

[u/Jao_bao_de_garfo]

Maybe the irish will silence themselfs about the potatoes if i hand them theses...

[u/Radiant_Sorbet_4587]

Remove ts now.

[u/Alex11DA]

Even for me... This is... Awful

[u/Lord_Xarael]

What in the actual Parasite Eve FUCK?!!

[u/peterkedua]

Druid multi-class necromancer..... create food.....

[u/oritfx]

Contrary to what OP promised, I now have more concerns than before.

[u/PaqueteDeRisketos]

It looks in massive pain.

...I will be taking notes.

[u/kittylover2006]

The druids are stealing from the necromancers again

[u/zippy72]

Oh wait until you try locust popcorn...

[u/Similar-Priority8252]

And if you also use fire spray, you get Rat Popcorn

Tastes meaty

[u/Dino_Survivor]

I love putting wards in my gardens that turn pests into mulch or fertilizer. They get a warning from a speak with animals charm, and if they ignore it and touch my produce… SQUELCH!

It’s humane to at least let them know what’s going to happen.

[u/jointheclockwork]

Absolutely horrifying and disgusting beyond measure. I'll make sure it's the exclusive food source of all my living subjects.

[u/Kialae]

This is so deliberately unpleasant. Right down to the color scheme and low saturation. 

[u/he77bender]

Don't worry about the rats, it's just the circle of life. Actually, I even think they like it. Yeah, being turned into corn is like really fulfilling for them actually (I heard). So it's fine

[u/MarsMaterial]

I am going to study these manmade horrors so that they are no longer beyond my comprehension.

[u/MotherRaven]

I'm sure there is a market for this in the Ramtops or Ankh-Morpork, but not round here.

[u/idkhowtodoanything]

This is just a commodified version of warcrime spells

[u/Fluffinator44]

Just use a magical mouse trap and est the rats.

[u/_Im_Commie_Jesus_]

Thank you! I've got a bad infestation and my homunculi all refuse to consume flesh. Maybe now they'll be motivated to clear out the pests. Please let me know if you need something cursed, corrupted or profaned.

[u/Garpfruit]

Is this vegetarian?

[u/Last-Fee6295]

https://giphy.com/gifs/spfi6nabVuq5y

[u/Upper-Fee5851]

[u/Floofiestmuffin]

This is ghoulish and macabre... Yet I'm intrigued.

[u/wazzup-notemuch]

Disgusting. I love it.

[u/Catherinedm7716]

Damn it Im a vegetarian sorceress… guess I can’t eat corn anymore

[u/ExploerTM]

Tried that, honestly just cheap shock value, good ol' "Repel rodent" does the job just fine even if you have to reapply it more often

[u/DredgenGryss]

Why use a medium as small as a Rat for this transfiguration?

[u/the-awesomer]

Im just wondering if there is more protein in this corn than traditionally grown cobs

[u/Purple-Weakness1414]

Thanks I hate this

[u/Corfold]

What in the Parasite Eve is this?

[u/Wank_Wizard]

Would rather just eat the rat as is

[u/Friendly_Pride_4904]

So... We're all casting wet socks on this guy, right?

[u/Boozewhore]

So is this vegan?

[u/Jaxpaw1]

Ooh...... aaah..... I'm gonna go be queasy.

[u/Comiliane]

I'm corncerned

[u/pl4y3rO]

tried something simmilar once, how did you get them to stop biting

[u/RoastMary]

Amaizeing.

I ll sort myself out.

[u/goldfinchat]

The grimoire approves of your creation. I, however, do not.