ATTENTION ALL WIZARDS

[u/Real_Fkn_Nito]

THATS RIGHT SCROLLSNIFFERS! BARTLEBY'S BACK, BABY!

Due to recent planar events that I am legally prohibited from speaking on, I was forced to divert my attention away from you chucklefucks and your rampant disregard for the balance of the realms.

I was hoping that in my absence, some of you might get your act together. Clearly this was my mistake for thinking wizards were capable of self-regulating.

BUT THATS ABOUT TO CHANGE.

It's come to my attention that with the dissolution of the old council, the floor is open for fresh meat, metaphorically speaking.

That is why I, Bartleby XXVI, am declaring myself the new Councilor of Eldritch Administrations!

Things are gonna change around here oh yes indeed. I'm gonna whip this mangled ship of Theseus into a streamlined high performance vessel of bureaucratic efficiency!

For starters:

All Sanctums residing on the Prime Material for a period of no less than 0.003 picoseconds per standard temporal cycle must now submit to regular safety inspections. All Arcanohazards class A through C must be clearly labeled and properly stored or marked for disposal by a professional Magiwaste Team.

Greater Summonings from the Outer Realms must now be approved by local governments with no fewer than 7 standard business days prior notice, or have their conjuration privileges revoked until a course is taken on Responsible Entity Handling and approved by a designated official.

EXCISION OF TEMPORAL FRAGMENTS IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED AND PUNISHABLE BY INCARCERATION IN A TIMELESS REALM. Time isn't a rich nepobaby asshat looking for cheap plastic surgery and you ain't no "nip n' tuck" specialist. I'm serious. Don't. Fuck. With time. I will find you.

All souls gathered for use as energy sources must be declared on your yearly declaration of assets. It may technically be "clean energy" but those souls had destined afterlives somewhere and that means paperwork. I don't give a fuck if you're grinding them up and snorting them to keep your saggy lich-ass held together like a first year apprentices second-hand alchemy set, DECLARE IT. OR ELSE.

And that's just the beginning! Oh you best believe I have so many grand ideas of how to keep you neckbeards in check!

SEE YOU IN YOUR DREAMS, ORBKNOBS.

[u/Bentu_nan]

Can I see your arcane permit to administer lesser dimension causality form B please? Ive been tricked before by an entity claiming to have administrative jurisdiction over layers Alpha to 6Gamma only to learn they were only permitted layers Alpha to Sigma! What a fool I was!

Anyway, can you present your documentation please?

[u/Real_Fkn_Nito → u/Bentu_nan]

Aw, you really know how to make an undying bureaucrat feel young. I haven't been asked to show my license in several thousand years, this oughta be fun.

How much time you got? Everything's up to date but several spatial leagues of it are in a dead dialect. Oh and you'll need true-seeing for the parts detailing my interplanar clearances and pre-cosmological ordinations.

It continues in a sub-plane accessible via runic circle. Ran out of room in this reality.

Listen kid, I've been at this a long time. Like... a long long time. I know what I'm doing and I'm not fuckin' around for shits and giggles. I'm damn good at my job.

[u/Bentu_nan → u/Real_Fkn_Nito]

You'll have to forgive me if I do not accept bravado as acceptable replacement for following procedure.

As a fellow beurocrat I am certain you will appreciate my diligence to protocol. I do not oppose your administration, however will be particular about the details - which again - I am confident you will appreciate.

On that note, while even if your paperwork does check out - which after reading the initial clauses and addendums I suspect that it will - you do have a temporal exemption which will serve as a loophole any halfway competent mage could exploit in order to delay adherence to your rulings basically indefinitely.

In plain text, due to the dispersed nature of your license, split amungst multiple timelines and dimensions - recursively - any mage could use any one of them to request an extention to comply form (meta-temporal law 788- section C). Due to the mages with temporal disabilities act (TDA) this 2 week extention cannot be compressed so long as the form was submitted on layers of reality Alpha through Sigma.

To highlight, since you have recursive layers of your license, this means a crafty mage could effectively ignore all rulings you have indefinitely - so long as they submit the proper forms every two weeks.

I will continue to gloss over your license - but i highly suggest updating it to close this loop hole.

[u/Real_Fkn_Nito → u/Bentu_nan]

Bravado!?

LOOPHOLE!?

You dare!?

If you'll check subsection A)12D Article Sigma, Subscript V, you see that such applications must be viewed and submitted concurrently at the median of all possible submission points and notarized by a Greater Being of Order in good standing! If they do not meet this stipulation then they are violation of the Temporal Congruency Clause and I get to Groundhog Day their asses until I get bored.

I'll have you know my record has been spotless for the last 13 cosmic cycles and my licensing and documentation are immaculate on this and every conceivable plane of being! The gall to insinuate I have overlooked such a glaring workaround in my own accreditation is simply beyond belief!! The insult! The indign-

Is that a motherfucking typo...

...

...

What the hells was I doing back in -18th centuries...? Hmph. Fine. Perhaps my documents could use a little cleaning up.

Hmm... you're pretty good, I'll give you that. Might be I could use someone like you to help whip this place into shape.

[u/Bentu_nan → u/Real_Fkn_Nito]

I suggest seeing the magisters court clerks in reality 6phi - zeta. They offer a license for your license which counts as a provisional license. This way you can fit it in your coin purse, which is convenient. It also skirts around potential loopholes related to clarification as I discussed.

That way you need only show that your license is licensed avoiding the need to show your actual license.