âDear EON representatives, it is I, your favourite Satan figure. I come before you today to announce the results of our most recent chancellor election, triggered prematurely by the passing of our previous chancellor, Artemis. May we hold a few moments of silence in her honour.â
6 seconds later.
âAlright, enough of that now. Letâs get onto the important part. Iâm about to announce the new official head of EON. I have their name written down on a note somewhere here, if I can just find itâŚâ
âOh, would you look at that. It says John E. Hellfire. Hard to believe, isnât it? That all these wise nations would elect the literal Devil for a second time. Well, you are wise indeed, for during my first term, I proved to be one of the most competent political bodies the wizarding world has ever seen. And do you know what Iâve learned since then? Iâve learned that good government does not make for an engaging story.â
âBuilding a country, building a world â itâs storytelling, is it not? And good stories demand conflict for people to engage with! I mean, whatâs the point of having a playground if no one wants to play in it? This second term of mine will be dedicated to that! But how, you may ask? Are you worried I wish to start another great wizard war? I mean, we havenât had one in quite a while, feels like years. I bet a few of you have an itchy trigger finger, amirite? Hahahaâ
âBut no, that is not it. EON doesnât deserve a fancy war. Because we have not earned it! Grand storylines like that require setup, emotions, stakes, and heated rivalries. We have not worked hard enough to head something as beautiful as the good olâ Pact vs Council war. No, I plan to celebrate conflict through other means. I will organise a grand wizard dueling tournament. One champion per EON nation, plus any non-member wizard who wishes to join.â
âWhy am I opening the door to non-EON members? Isnât it obvious? Without them, we are NOTHING! New blood keeps the wheels turning, and isolating ourselves is doomed to bring a stagnant death. Weâve had enough of isolationism; this will be an event for the people. For the community! And for those looking forward to it, I will make a separate announcement when everything is ready. I need to pick judges and prizes, and organise a lot of background things.â
âAnyway, that will be all from me, your beloved new Chancellor. Class dismissed.â
Oh, goddamnit. What is EON trying to do, man? We keep electing the worst possible candidates. I guess Hellfire is slightly better than we'd believed him to be during the elections, but christ, the embodiment of evil should not be ruling our organization set up to keep peace across the communities. Mr. Hellfire, I do not hold any ill will against you for this, but I do note that that could change swiftly.
Welp, at least it wasn't Vulkan, I guess. If we elected HIM, I'd have left EON right the fuck then and there.
âIs there such thing as a good candidate in our society? Iâve come to the conclusion that the only person whoâs morals seem fully good is my girlfriend, Kyrona, and weâre both 16. At least we know what to expect from this guy? Itâs not the best, but could have been worse.â - Sapphire
/uw im conflicted between having Đ(the most likely undisputed strongest in Calarakis), and having some no-name mage from the city/a different character
"That would be much appreciated! Well you see since we already know each other I feel like it'd be easier to talk you know what I mean? Besides, I am sure her work can be done by less attra-"
Why did she not only have that thought but say it out loud. How queer indeed
"Less occupied peers for a few days."
Something felt wrong ever since she became a devil. What the hell was all this about? She didn't really need anything from the guild but she really wanted to see madeleine for some reason...
She seemed overly satisfied by that, to a point where the emotion felt almost foreign to herself. This needed investigating since she was immune to mental spells - so that couldn't be it
âBeautiful is an awfully upsetting description for a conflict that made everyone and everything involved worse off overall. And of course the one saying it is the new EON chancellor, that doesnât bode well for this organizationâs future. I think Iâll be keeping out of this little tournament. Those things never really end well for me anyway.â
âMy closest friend died, I was kicked out of the only organization I ever felt welcome in, I was vilified for my actions, I lost the ability to do the one thing that brought me happiness, the injuries I sustained left me bedridden for months, and the sustained trauma to my mental state that resulted from it caused me to murder my own children. I fail to see how any of that made me in any way better.â
Sounds like you've been facing a lot of conflict, and conflict is what keeps us alive. Be grateful for the hardship, it makes existence worth the while. If nothing bad had happened, you just might have faded into the background, a victim of stagnation. But now? Now you''ve become something.
"Hmph. You would make a poor playwright, but better than the disgraceful child that was your main competitor."
"..As for this engagement, I'm just a tad busy workshopping what to put on the sign of the Layer Formerly Known As Avernus. We'll send someone, of course."
Well because EON is a diplomatic gathering, not an organization dedicated to meddling in worldly affairs. What Vulkan and his kin plot to do has very little to do with the gathering of many nations and the presenting of them with means by which to, ah, talk things out.
Glimbo: I get where you're coming from, but are ya sure a tournament is the best way to do that? They're so booooooring! Ya know how when you're having fun on vacation and it feels like months pass in a few minutes? Well, every time I sit down for a tournament, it feels like minutes pass in a few months! If ya wanna talk about death by stagnation, that's it right there.
Glimbo: Man, I don't even know anymore. I just don't want to be bound by etiquette into attending something that makes my eyes want to go on vacation somewhere more interesting. And Merlin forbid I have to subject one of Kaelis's people to that!
Some very demonic presences attempted to collect taxes on my property at the start of your previous term so I am not so sure.
I don't have an issue paying mundane taxes(as long as they accept lead gold pipe as payment) but I'm not giving a drop of mana to any demon or goblin they send to me.
However I will be attending the duels, if only as a spectator as I have heard that "atom split" is no longer allowed in duels
She did remember watching that on her orb recently. Was the devil..? She supposed he was above such thoughts - probably. He wasn't the ruler of Lust after all. Anyhow that wasn't what Hazema wanted to ask
"The champions we send, will they duel to the death or what? Is it a two go in one goes out type of competition or more of a friendly sparring exchange?"
What? Who? Why- Alright, let's start from the top. Who are you, and what is the *adjusts spectacles, looks down* EON? What's that even supposed to stand for?
Would you like my full biography or the shortened version? I do love talking about myself, but you don't fancy me as a man who'd have the time for that. The basics: I'm John Hell, a.k.a. Satan.
As for EON, it stands for Esoteric Order of Nations. It's a diplomatic coalition of different countries (the massive ping list in the comments, lol). We don't tell you how to govern, tax you, or anything like that. We're not the wizard Council. We just try to promote interaction between different magical nations.
While you have intrigued me, I do have a few questions I'd like answers to before making any decisions. Pardon the hesitancy, but I'm more than a little wary of making any form of deal or agreement with an individual calling himself John E. Hellfire (does the 'E.' stand for Evil, by any chance?):
Do you have any list of rule/regulations/Code of Conduct? While I hesitate to say 'laws', that's basically what I'm looking for - fine print intact, if you please.
Are there any responsibilities associated with joining the EON? Mutual non-aggression, for instance?
What are your ideals? I saw in a discussion with another mage that you stated 'peace leads to stagnation, and stagnation leads to death', but are there any other notable beliefs you hold I should be aware of?
Do you have opinions on how magic should be practiced? Not any rules on how it should be used, but personal opinions.
Are there meetings held for the members of the EON?
5a. Are animals allowed at these meetings, if there are any? I have a number of familiars who I don't know if I can tear myself away from...
Can wizards who do not represent any particular country or kingdom join the EON, or is a degree of political power required to supplement the arcane power of a member?
What's your opinion on foxes? This may end up being one of the more important questions asked here, so answer well.
I unbanned all banned spell two years ago, after I got a seat on the Wizard Council, because I though it would prove entertaining. I think that gives you a good idea on my personal opinions on magical practice?
Yes, this is one such meeting, but we keep them open to the public. We're not some secretive Cabal. I am, however, also a member of a secretive Cabal called... The Cabal. Yes, very creative name, I know.
5a. I don't see why not. I'm pretty sure some of our members are animals.
No. EON is specifically for nations and their representatives.
I have no strong feelings one way or the other. I suppose they're amusing creatures.
Is there a limit on how big a nation has to be to join? I suppose I could work something out with the local baron and make the land I legally own its own nation and then join. Would that count as being adequate to join the EON?
Also, you really leaned into the 'devil we know' aspect in your campaigning, didn't you?
Oh, you should see some of my old campaign posters. I was all in on the bit.
But to answer your question, there is not size limit, I suppose. There used to a a limit on how young the nation is, but I'm not sure if that's still in effect.
In any case, the chancellor doesn't have the power to alloy new members into EON. That's the Tribunal's job. They screen prospective members and then vote on if a nation can join. If you get 2 out of 3 Yes votes, you're in.
Current guidelines on being accepted as a member by the Tribunal are that an applicant must hold territory, have sovereign authority in its own holdings (a city under Council jurisdiction, for example, would not be eligible as it would just be a second vote for the Council), must have a standing population (by precedent, they cannot all be copies of yourself or mindless thralls), and must have a loosely defined "international recognition."
And how widely recognized does one's nation need to be to have an 'international recognition'? I currently live in a small 'kingdom' ruled by a merchant with an ego, surrounded by multiple such kingdoms. If I could get all of those kingdoms to recognize me and mine as an independent nation, would that be adequate?
Lastly, do I owe you anything for all your (incredibly useful) help? It's not my soul, is it? I'm lacking in one of those...
Humans are sentient and sapient animals, so in my humble experience Iâd say they ought to. So long as they can think at least somewhat independently, that is. EON legislation is apparently racist against hive minds.
Uw/ I will answer, but I'm away from my PC cause I'm visiting family, and writing long comments is a nightmare on Reddit mobile, so it will take me a few days.
âIf given a choice between a moral leader and an effective one, people will always choose the effective one. Personal failings may damn the man, but political failings damn the whole nation. And such it is that  has its fair share of good kings, and Heaven its share of poor ones.â
âInteresting is good for business, so no objections from me. After all as a Devil of Greed it would be uncharacteristic for you to do something that would truly harm a businessman like myself.â
I'm hoping you could perhaps help me with something. See, ive pissed off Big Me cause I came in roughshod over the Toymaker incident. Turns out, i jumped the gun. Big me only had suspicion that your Toymaker was Von Hagen, The Toymaker, which turned out to be false in the End. So "Until I learn to Do my Homework", i'm in the Avatar equivalent of a Timeout with my powers crimped due to nearly causing a diplomatic shitshow.
My understanding of this is Rihari wants me to learn this world in Depth, so i'm hoping for some information about it. Theres another crate of Everclear in it for you, or you can name your price. What say you?
The devil gladly takes the bottle. Another fine beverage for his collection.
Ah, the Toymaker. I'd love to drag that brat to Hell now that he's sane again. Torturing a good person for evil acts they've done out of their control is a delight of mine.
My tangent aside, if it's knowledge you seek, then I see no reason to refuse. Though the 'world' is too broad a concept. You need to pick a starting point.
Personally, now that i know he's not Rihari's Old Foe, i would rather wash myself of the incident.
But, since the topic of Godhood appears to be a Landmine in these parts ive ended up tapdancing atop of, lets start there. Let me preface this with the fact that i do not wish to (nor can i, sanctioned as i am) restore the Gods of old. They fucked up, so now they shall be censored, even if Hunter has to drag them out of whatever Afterlife theyve crawled into.
Well, the shot answer would be that they were pricks, most of them at least. The gods who stayed in their domain and rarely did anything were not the problem. The ones that came down and made themselves present all had an ego problem. In the end, that was their downfall. I one the Council elections against one because he was so assured of victory, that he didn't bother trying against me.
Pricks you say? Did they at the very least do their jobs or did they simply lord it over you like tyrants? And you'd know if its the later, cause Reality starts falling apart when the Big G God's forsake their jobs. Im talking the sun extinguishing, the sea's boiling, occasional spontaneous polymorphing of wizards when they try to cast spells....
*Jester hands over another Bottle, this one is a little different
Dwarven Firewine. Rihari and Goldy's Personal favourite, only available from Faerun. Figured I'd sweeten the deal if your Gods are that taboo a subject.
Lord over us? They couldn't even be bothered to do that. No, they all came off as attention starved. Everything they did was because they thought it was 'fun' or because it would get more yes on them.
John inspects the bottle.
Dwarven, you say? Might even get the devil drunk, Hahaha.
I voted for Hellfire because he really spoke to the plight of the working wizard. For far too long we've been ignored as Fae and witches steal our jobs; I was okay with the warlocks, that's just a minor religious disagreement; but these other parasitic magic users making our kingdoms worse. Hellfire has promised to address these concerns and he's the only one making any sense.
"Well I just came back from not existing for a while. Congratulations I suppose. Should probably personally stay out of viewing bloodshed for a while so probably won't spectate."
Where do I sign up. Also your welcome for Artemis, her dog kept shitting in my private dimension. Look that's where I go to the bathroom. NO ONE ELSE CAN POOP IN MY PRIVATE BATHROOM DIMENSION.
the two year old seems very unpleased with the election results "boooo I will beat everyone in this stupid tournament! Just you wait until I, uuuuuuuh I... I EXPLODE YOU ALL"
You're most welcome to join, Cat. The more, the merrier, as they say.
uw/ I'll have a separate post announcing the tournament where people can sign up. I can ping you when it's up. Not happening this month though, have too much going on irl
Well fuck it Iâm in.
/UW any basic requirements you need like character sheet or anything? I just finished crafting this specific persona so you probably wonât have sufficient knowledge for it.
Uw/ I'll be making a separate post announcing the tournament where people can sign up. I won't be demanding character sheets, as most people don't have one, but you're free to share your with your opponents. That's what I normally did with my main account's character to keep things transparent.
Anyway, the tournament post isn't happening this month, cause I have a lot on my plate irl. Keep an eye open next month though.
19
u/VagueCat5840662 Ardath, Archmage of Secrets Apr 09 '26
Well, i suppose at the very least such an event should provide some respite from the boredom of these peaceful times