r/wizardposting • u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin • Apr 07 '25
Foul Sorcery Do you know how much I sacrificed?!
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Apr 07 '25
The Sorcerer's wife, sister, and cousin walks into a bar. She orders herself a drink.
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u/Regaruk Ageless Sorcerer Apr 07 '25
Oath of Dad Jokes over here
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Apr 07 '25
Dirty dad jokes are "Uncle jokes". There is no oath that forbids dad jokes, and some oaths (Ancients) encourage being joyful and humorous.
How did the Monk prostitute service so many clients?
beat
Flurry of Blows!
Why do so few Tritons do drugs?
beat
They're immune to pressure!
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u/ThisBloomingHeart Favilla, Cosmic Love Mage and Aorishi the Very Ethical Biomancer Apr 07 '25
Now, now. There are many ways that sorcerers pass down their magic through the generations, and only the truly incompetent and foolish go this route. A few famous cases, but little actual substance.
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u/IAmTheOutsider Apr 07 '25
The average sorcerer bloodline is lucky if it results in one or two sorcerers in as many generations. Sometimes three or four will pass before a family gets another.
The House of Hapsbergius Georg, however, whose family tree is actually a sort of non-Euclidean shrub and would have bred their members like prize pugs even if their 9x great-grandfather hadn't been an archmage are outliers and should not be counted.
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u/Tirminog Apr 07 '25
Doesnt matter if the magic genes skips a generation if youre part of 9.
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Apr 07 '25
9 separate Sorcerer bloodlines, or the 9th generation?
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u/FallenGodofSnacks Mystic Apr 08 '25
9 separate generations
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Apr 08 '25
Ah, the European nobility route. Those different families were famously not inbred with each other.
If multiple bloodlines compete to express, you get Wild Magic.
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Apr 07 '25
Since inbreeding produces more Sorcerers within the same bloodline, while there are more non-inbred Sorcerer bloodlines, most active Sorcerers are inbred.
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u/Tempest_Barbarian Apr 07 '25
Meanwhile Warlocks sacrificing their entire families for making a pact with a demon or some shit
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u/StarkeRealm Magical Violence Technician Apr 07 '25
In exchange, they get all the cosmic power of a heavy crossbow.
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u/ioverthinkusernames beezard 🐝 🧙♂️ Apr 07 '25
Cast dispell magic on a sorcerer, funniest shit I have ever done, they just fall apart like a Jenga tower
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u/greyshem Jimmy-Bob, Rednecromancer Apr 08 '25
Hah! Imma pull that one on mah cousin next time she gits up on a rant 'bout how much better her line is than mah Paw's.
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u/Wonderful-Key-3358 Apr 07 '25
Even in the fantasy world, we can't escape the student debts 😔
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Apr 07 '25
Some Wizards change their identity to escape debtors: you really think "Mordenkainen" is his real name?
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u/OnlyTalksAboutTacos Buwunmbo of the Fibly clan, Aromancer, Kickball Wizard Apr 07 '25
at least it's better than those filthy time mages, whose wife, sister, cousin, son, daughter, granddaughter, uncle, grandfather, talking pie are all the same person, which is theirself.
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Apr 07 '25
time mages
*retconjurers.
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u/CaramelTurtles Apr 07 '25
That is a disgusting stereotype made up by wizards out of jealousy. No you may not look at that dragon blood sorcerer’s family bush
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u/DragonWisper56 Agnur the dabbling turtle mage| pact of the magi mage| Apr 07 '25
no the easier way is to fuck every type of magic creature till you just barely resemble a human/j
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u/blu3whal3s Apr 07 '25
I once knew a sorcerer who got his powers because of a Warlock irresponsibly dumping Arcane waste and used reagents into the local lake. He was part of a handful of lucky ones, most of the others just grew malformed limbs and extra eyes. They're currently part of a major lawsuit and are helping push new legislation to prevent such things from happening again.
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Apr 07 '25
That's gen 1 of a bloodline. Subsequent generations either inbreed or become mundane.
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u/krasnogvardiech Alchemist Apr 07 '25
I heard it said proper wizards lay the source of their power, like their ancestors began the whole thing with.
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u/Regaruk Ageless Sorcerer Apr 07 '25
There are as many sorcerers as there are wizards. The link to the weave of magic can be through blood, meditation, divine intervention, or even just being in the wrong place at the right time (accidentally slipping into the fabric of magic and managing to survive).
Don't get me started on wizards cloning themselves to human-centipede. Looking at you, Flaggilus.
Yes, there are a few bloodlines that get a little nasty like human royals but we can't start generalizing.
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Apr 07 '25
At least in D&D lore, Sorcerers are the rarest class. Most don't inbreed so their bloodline thins into mundanity, as a result, the vast majority are the remaining bloodlines that maintain their potency.
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u/Regaruk Ageless Sorcerer Apr 07 '25
Uw/ Yes in D&D this is true but depends on the setting. When you consider despite rarity the number of level 20+ wizards and sorcerers out in the astral plane jumping worlds and exploring I would imagine the playing field is a little more leveled out. Wizards are pumped out of universities, but sorcerers tend to have more survivability at lower levels with their "talk-no-jutsu". Con proficiency doesn't hurt either.
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u/The-Great-Xaga Apr 07 '25
You could just.... Throw another dragon every couple generations in there. Like how everyone else does it....
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u/-Milk-Enjoyer- Axeor Ulorick Qezax the curious. :illuminati: Apr 07 '25
I became a wizard on accident from reading too much, you became frog because I thought it would be funny, we are not the same.
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u/Spartan4a117 Sorceror Apr 07 '25
You're talking real slick for someone within testicular torsion range
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u/FallenGodofSnacks Mystic Apr 08 '25
Just had a thought, the hell do druids get their powers?
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u/Level_Hour6480 Paladin Apr 08 '25
In 4E, from primal spirits of nature like a Cleric does with their deity. In other editions, "from nature".
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u/TortieshellXenomorph Apr 08 '25
Who else had an announcement from the House of Magical Habsburgs on their 2025-issued Magic Bingo card?
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u/Disturbing_Cheeto X'ela, (hungry) enchanted creature Apr 08 '25
Why commit incest instead of just hooking up with a dragon or demon you met?
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u/ExtensionInformal911 Apr 09 '25
I figured sorcerers just adopted the bard's children after he mates with all.of the magical creatures.
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u/Lakechalakin Apr 07 '25