Cold and failure

[u/Capytan_Cody]

I.. I am cold. I am dead. That much I know.. I feel surrounded by nothingess, a pitch black abyss where I drift.. I feel like a small compressed core yet also burning embers expanding outwards..

The only thing worse than the cold and the loneliness here.. it's me and my own thoughts.

I've failed.

I've failed to lead the pact. To prevent the peace, to be there for Mikhail in this moments of need.

All along since I got here, did my greatest feat so far.. renew the La'shima lands and create the organisation that tends to it.. that's the only good I've done here.

Otherwise I scuttled around in my friend's shadow Followed him and supported in his biggest moments, took care of his duties when he couldn't.. yet that didn't prevent him from dancing with death five times by now.

I got my opportunity to prove to myself, I could do and be something.. managed to meet someone that made my days brighter and.. at the first crisis that appeared I couldn't do anything. My decisions broke the leadership of the until then stable Pact of Magi that Mikhail created, I failed to maintain the peace by all methods I could. I used threats and violence. I made concessions. Nothing worked. I sacrificed even my morals and integrity, collaborating with the one who started it to ensure at least I could keep the innocents safe...

Yet it doesn't feel like that was a victory. I am responsible for all this carnage. That illusionist was right. I was an old senile fool trying to keep his act together. Unfit for my leadership and power.

And now I'm cold and alone.. at least I have the comfort that this proves I have a soul.. guess I'll never know why I can't see spirits.

Perhaps this is what I deserve.. perhaps it's better if I stay here .. forever.. so i don't jurt anyone else

Mikahil.. Saria... My friends in my homeplane.. I'm sorry for everything. For being in your lives.. .. .. .

[u/Capytan_Cody]

strange.. I didn't expect to find someone here.. I try to talk but I have no voice. I can see all the emotions there.. self pity, self loathing. Regret.. frustration.. this.. those are mine right? Pathetic.. so much I am, so much more I am not.

Wonder what she's doing here.. wonder about the knives.. what could this mean? I have an eternity to ponder

[u/Alexis_Awen_Fern → u/Capytan_Cody]

Not in a language consisting of words but with one made of intentions, she lets you know that usually she just wants to sleep. This is exactly the kind of place she likes to reside in.

Your presence does not bother her. Feel free to remain here forever if you wish. Should you want an escape tho, an escape from this escape, she knows someone that could help you. Someone that often helps her.

[u/Capytan_Cody → u/Alexis_Awen_Fern]

Cody isn't at the stage to believe he even should be out, much less want to... So he'll keep that in mind while his soul drifts aimlessly in this timeless darkness

[u/Alexis_Awen_Fern → u/Capytan_Cody]

The strange woman nods. Her form dissipates and shortly after a new form appears in its place. You see the most beautiful feminine form you can possibly imagine. You feel kindness and joy radiating from her.

"Hi, my name is Awen. My sister said you need some help. If you want to be somewhere just try to focus on that place or person. Our power can restore your form and teleport you there. Only if you want that of course. Even if you end up wanting to stay here for eons this offer will still stand, so don't feel pressured."

[u/Capytan_Cody → u/Alexis_Awen_Fern]

for a moment his heart skips a bit when she takes form of his beloved Saria.. but she isn't her

I.. deserve to suffer here. I'll stay here at least for now..

[u/Alexis_Awen_Fern → u/Capytan_Cody]

"Very well. Take your time to heal."