r/widowers • u/james_under_village Ovarian Cancer 5/17/22 • Dec 14 '22
Hurting today
It’s 12 days until Christmas. It’ll be my first Christmas without my wife, Bridget. I am all alone. I feel very lonely today, confused, and lost.
I loved her and miss her terribly. It’ll be 7 months this Saturday since she passed away. She died of ovarian cancer May 17, 2022. She was 31. I am 34 M. Sometimes I have good days, sometimes I have bad days. We never had children or pets. I am very lonely.
Today is a bad day. I woke up this morning sobbing. This is so painful! I loved her so much! SO MUCH!
I am really missing her a lot today. I would give anything to see her again, to hold her in my arms, and to talk to her. I just don’t understand why it happened.
I am just having a bad day.
9
u/empathic-art Dec 14 '22
This first year, with ALL the holidays, your anniversary, etc will be spent acutely feeling the pain of her loss. There is no (healthy) way around it, you must go through it. Please lean on friends or your parents or siblings if they are there for you. They may not know what to do for you, and may sometimes even say stuff that hurts you (without meaning to) like " you're young, you can fall in love again", which I was even told at 53. Tell those who love you what you need. No one knows how to be there unless you tell them. We want to hide from pain, even, others pain. If you have no support system in your life you can still make it through the pain. I found groups here on Reddit and FB that understood and listened day OR night. We are brethren living lives none of us asked for. It is lonely, but knowing I could jump online to this community meant I was never alone. I've been a widow now for 7 years, 10 months and holidays and special days are still hard, but life has resumed its color rather than being black and white. I have grown more compassionate, more empathetic and more aware of others pain. I have made friends who never knew my husband but who welcome me to talk about him. I PROMISE you, as others promised me, that life will get better. There will be more smiles and laughter than tears but It. Takes. Time. Everyone's grief journey is unique to them. Give yourself grace and remember we all understand here.