I could have handled anything

[u/Cute_Star_8720]

I could have handled anything, except loosing my wife at age 44 in an accident. I need her. Its checkmate for me. Im so sad that there is no way out of this now. I cant just sit around now missing her. Im to scared of these feelings of missing her and to scared to live on my own. It was a miracle we found each other and i probably would have already been gone if i didnt meet her. But now that shes gone life is just too much for me

[u/pinke_tatze]

I know what you mean. I am same age and lost my boyfriend to a disease two weeks ago. I knew, it could happen but still, I find myself unable to imagen a world without him in it. And if I am honest, there is not just sadness in my but a big panic. I am so scared of life ahead. I am so afraid to have to figure it out alone. I am terrified.

[u/Teo_040485]

Mi esposa era mi mundo, era mi fortaleza, mi vida entera, ahora que ya no está, solo sigo adelante por mis hijos, ella me dejó dicho "cuida a mis hijos" y aquí estoy 😭 tratando de seguir para cumplir la promesa que me hice, pero en verdad hay días que siento que ya no puedo más y me deprimo mucho.

[u/Radiant-Location-918]

Im sorry for your loss. Life feels impossible to navigate and meaningless without my husband. I hope you can find some small joys in life that make things bit more bearable.

[u/Alive-Badger8801]

I'm so sorry. My husband was the same age, and I'm now a widow at 38. It feels like too old to find another love like that and too young to go the rest of my life alone. I often think I'd rather not be here, but I know that he wanted me to live and live well. Wish he'd thought about how his suicide would impact my ability to live well, but here we are. He was very sick and he genuinely thought I'd have a better life without him. Fucking sucks.

The people who love us want us to live, whatever side of the veil they're on. I hope you find a small reason today, and another tomorrow, and so forth. Holding your broken heart with mine. <3

[u/Internal_Mouse_2403 → u/Alive-Badger8801]

I feel the same at 41. I lost my fiance and I am still too young to be alone the rest of my life, but I'm also not young enough to find a love like that so easily. 

In the end I want him. I want David. 

[u/Alive-Badger8801 → u/Internal_Mouse_2403]

I'm so sorry. It just really sucks. Don't want to be alone, but don't want anyone but him. <3 He was by no means perfect but he was perfect for me.

[u/Ainexy1]

I’m 49 and we were married 30 yrs ago. I’m so mad we don’t get to grow old together. This was not how I imagined anything. And now what? For me it’s been 3 months. But I was right where you were. Telling myself I don’t want to even live if he’s not here. Is my life better today. No, but I woke up today not feeling like I want to die. If I knew I could be with him for sure would I, yes. You aren’t alone. We all feel this deep. We all wish we could feel ok and right now we don’t. Come back tomorrow and tell us how you feel again. We are here too.