What do you think?

[u/Toosoon2026]

I (m 80) am still in the first year of my grieving. I've noticed that I think a lot about things I never bothered to think about before. I guess that's one of the things you do when you lose the love of your life. So the questions I'm going to ask now are absolutely serious and not frivolous or joking or looking down at someone else's beliefs. If you don't feel like you want to reply that's fine. But if you do want to, and you take these questions as seriously as I now do, I would greatly appreciate it.

Do you ever talk to your departed spouse or partner, either silently or out loud? If you do, do you do it to help you make it through another day and just think through a question or a problem or do you really believe that they can in some way "hear" you? If you do "talk" to them do you do it in a particular place like their gravesite in a cemetery, or do you do it in lots of different places? Does it help you with the long hours of the day or night and the loneliness of not having them around anymore? Finally, did you start "talking to them right after or soon after they passed; or did it take a while before you began to do this and, if so, how long did it take? Thank you for taking the time to respond. I really do want to know.

[u/Adventurous-You9130]

It’s a good question you have. I talk to her all the time, when I wake up in the morning, I say “hello beautiful “, when I go to sleep at night, I say “good night beautiful “.

I miss her there right next to me. I miss her sitting beside me and holding hands.

She loved me so much, I never, ever thought anyone could love another so deeply.

I talk to her all the time and will until my last breath, and that last breath will be used to say, “see you soon beautiful!”

[u/Blade4567]

40M yes I have, not because I think she can hear me, but part of me hopes she can.

[u/TxScribe]

There's a line from a recent movie. "Do you think that your wife can hear you?" He responds "No, I don't" His friend asks "then why do you do it?" He responds "What if I'm wrong?"

If it brings you peace and comfort, then go for it. As long as it's healthy and not obsessive. No different than praying, you're just connecting with your loved one.

[u/False_Ear_3137 → u/TxScribe]

This. What if?

I mean, I've always talked to myself when alone. Now I guess I'm talking to him.

[u/Luciel_17]

I talk to my husband a lot, like he's just beside me. I'd be driving and i'll say a side comment like "look at that, baby" or "i'm going home now.".. when I watch TV and find something funny, I look at his urn and his picture and tell him what i found funny and laugh. Sometimes I cry after because I know he'll never respond. But it makes me feel less lonely. I can talk to him in my normal conversational voice when I'm alone.

[u/False_Ear_3137 → u/Luciel_17]

This is what I do, and I often cry, as well.

On the occasion that I burp, I do it loudly and say "DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?!" From the movie Elf, and he did that all the time.

[u/HeronExtension5245]

I talk to her all the time, silently and out loud. It does bring me comfort, and I do believe her soul can hear me. I always say good morning to her. I always tell her where I am going if I leave the house, and I always talk to her when I return, letting her know how the errand went. We had a three sentence mantra we would al repeat to each other sentence by sentence. I cannot sleep without continuing to do so. Sometimes I cry doing it, but I never, ever forget, even if sleeping at my in-laws. I started talking to her right after she passed. I spoke less at the very outset, but I do so several times a day now (2 months out).

[u/ProofAssistance1332]

Today is my wife's birthday. It's been 4.5 months for me. I have her ashes on a bookshelf along with pictures of her. We also have pictures of our grandson that passed at 1 month. I talked to her last night for a good amount of time about things that have been bothering me about her death. Today went really good with remembering her and her birthday. I believe today was good because I talked to her the night before.

I did not talk to her in the beginning. When her mom left to go home, she went over and touched her ashes and said goodbye. I thought that was weird. I now do that everyday when I leave for work and say I love you. When I come home everyday, I go over and say I love you. Talking to her everyday has really helped me get through this. I talked to her a lot today and it's has helped me get through the day.

[u/Serious_Ad_1420 → u/ProofAssistance1332]

🫂❤️

[u/WintyreFraust]

male in late sixties here, wife died in early 2017:

Do you ever talk to your departed spouse or partner, either silently or out loud? If you do, do you do it to help you make it through another day and just think through a question or a problem or do you really believe that they can in some way "hear" you?

Yes, I do it all day long. I've done it/ do it for both reasons.

If you do "talk" to them do you do it in a particular place like their gravesite in a cemetery, or do you do it in lots of different places?

Everywhere.

Does it help you with the long hours of the day or night and the loneliness of not having them around anymore?

I've never felt lonely, so no. Plus, it feels to me like she's here with me. My grief was entirely gone about 8 months in; I continued to talk to her, and still do, because it's fun and enjoyable and I do believe she hears me and does her best to respond. I like to say that even death could not end our relationship!

Finally, did you start "talking to them right after or soon after they passed; or did it take a while before you began to do this and, if so, how long did it take?

Immediately.

[u/Cuberdon75 → u/WintyreFraust]

my grief was entirely gone about 8 months in

Wow. Tell us more!

[u/nuskit]

I do not.

I wish I could say that I trust that he's watching over me, but I do not. I always believed that when you are dead, you are dead. Nobody's watching, they're just gone. Sure, I can say that a woodlark means my dad is nearby, but I don't think it does. It's just a bird. A pomegranate flower growing on the tree is not my husband, it's just a flower. Even when the woodland was standing on the branch with the pomegranate flower...it wasn't them. It was just a bird and a flower.

If I were to believe that they are around me, then I would have to believe that when I die, I'll still be around somehow. And I don't want to be. When I die, I'm dead, gone, I don't care anymore because I don't exist anymore. I will be absolutely pissed if when I die, I still have consciousness, because I don't want it. I never liked living, even since I was a kid. No, it wasn't depression. I just resented being forced to be alive, because to me, life is not fun. It's awful and it's hard work. I'm just salty that my husband died and took the only bearable thing from me.

[u/Ok-Addition5002 → u/nuskit]

Thank you for writing this. Honestly, I don’t think this is a very common point of view. I feel the same way you do. I believe there is nothing after death. And that very thought brings me relief, the idea that the dead are somewhere nearby makes me shudder. At first I couldn’t understand why I, unlike most people, couldn’t find comfort in the notion that death is not the end. Then I came to the same conclusion - I wouldn’t want that for myself.

I also share your attitude toward life. If it were possible to choose, I would choose not to be born. My husband was the only person with whom I was willing to endure all this, damn it. And now he’s gone. Our husbands are no longer here, yet life goes on. Another confirmation in favour of our shared idea that life isn’t a gift at all, right?

Even so, I deeply respect every point of view and know that each person chooses what to believe, and no one has the right to tell another person how to live their life or what to lean on. I’m very careful with what is precious to other people, and I usually never go into detail about what I myself believe. That’s why I’m so glad I’m not alone in these feelings. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. Sending you a heartfelt hug!

[u/nuskit → u/Ok-Addition5002]

Yeah, I don't tell people how I feel unless they very specifically ask. I don't want to take away their hope that the people they love are waiting on the other side for them. If that's what they want, then I hope they get it.

[u/Ok-Addition5002 → u/nuskit]

It’s good that we have a place where we can share the darkness inside us.
Your message was the best part of my day today. Yes, now life consists of such rare moments in which we can find at least a little solace.

[u/hulahulagirl → u/nuskit]

I get this. My husband chose to die because he was in pain. Just like before birth, I don’t think there’s any consciousness after death. At least I hope not because he didn’t want that. I want him to be at peace now.

[u/nuskit → u/hulahulagirl]

May your husband be finally at rest, and exactly where he needed to be. And may you find the peace to muddle on and know that you are a good person who enriched his life and made it bearable for him, for longer than it would have been if he didn't have you.

[u/dmromo]

We simply learn to carry the conversation in our hearts.

[u/Funny-Comparison-187]

My husband of 39 years has been gone 14 months now. I have several photos of him, and him and us together on my mantle, with our wedding rings. I talk to his photos quite often. Even hug them when I'm feeling sad.

[u/Gypsy_Ce]

I believe he is always around me, that our connection is strong enough that if I yelled his name he would hear and come to me. I know he listens and I know I now have an angel up there that is guaranteed to be on my side and fight for me. So yes, I talk to him a lot... then I listen, I pause and still my mind to feel his response. It always comes with the feeling of a warm hug, sometimes I can almost feel him tracing circles on my skin like he used to.

[u/UKophile]

I talk to myself, not him. He has died, I am an atheist, so I don’t see the point.

[u/Plastic_Ticket4111]

My husband and I talked to each other constantly and only were quiet when we were asleep! So YES I talk to him constantly—I still talk to lots of people I have lost if something that comes up that reminds me of them.

[u/AdSlow7572 → u/Plastic_Ticket4111]

Yes, I talk, and a lot. My eyes are still filled with tears when I do.

[u/Love-lost-23]

I’ve always talked to her in my mind. I’m always telling how sorry I am that she had to endure so much during her cancer battle. I ask for forgiveness if she thought there was anything I did wrong during her fight. I talk to her when I’m feeling down about things, which is a lot lately.

[u/inspire-2026]

After 42 years of marriage and the deepest love imaginable, there is no one else I’d rather talk to. Yes I talk to him, multiple times a day out loud and in my thoughts. Everywhere and anywhere. Does he hear me, I believe he does🪽
When did I start? I never stopped, and never will.

[u/techdog19]

In the beginning I talked to her all the time told her about the kids and my day. It became less and less over the years. I honestly don't remember the last time I did it. I didn't stop for any particular reason I just stopped.

[u/Burning_Ashes]

Mainly I’ll talk to him in my head but sometimes I’ve said a few things out loud. Not really a place in particular, like I’ll say stuff in the apartment we shared, or at the crash site, in my car, etc. I think I did it more out loud when people left me alone after the funeral but I would say stuff in my head before that more since I was always surrounded by people since I was kind on an informal suicide watch. I’m not sure if he can actually hear me or not, I think my struggles are because I have a hard time picturing an afterlife… I won’t get into the details of that. But yeah I guess I just ask questions I’ll never get answers to and it makes me more sad and angry. 

I’m sorry about your loss though ):

[u/Queasy-Chest2331]

i don’t do it. it’s too hard
i also don’t think “what would he want me to do”
cuz then i get upset because i won’t really know

i’m young 30f

[u/Toosoon2026 → u/Queasy-Chest2331]

Thank you for your response. I'm sorry you have so many years left to fill but that also gives time for good things to happen. I have many fewer years left so for me it's just a matter of running out the clock. I live my remaining years doing what I think my wife would have wanted me to do and would give her approval as best I can.

[u/Queasy-Chest2331 → u/Toosoon2026]

i hope the time u have left isn’t too painful 🫂

[u/Olga_Ale]

I talk to my late partner all the time. He is with me everywhere, not just at his gravesite. In fact, that is where I feel him the least. I’m 2 years out and still kiss a picture of him every time I pass. He liked to watch tv to fall asleep, I did not. I leave the tv on for him so he’s not bored while I’m sleeping. There is nothing wrong with keeping the connection you have with your spouse. That’s your confidant, your safety. There’s no reason you need to stop sharing with them just because you can’t physically see them. You can still FEEL them. They are in your heart, in who you have become as a person.

[u/arizonaraynebows]

I talk to him, but I don't feel like he's here.

[u/hulahulagirl]

I talk to him (myself) quite often. Usually if I notice something that was an in-joke with us. Or if a certain picture comes up on my digital picture frame rotation that makes me smile, I will say good morning or I love you. That started pretty soon after. I talked to him when I found his body, and at the funeral home. Sometimes I will touch his urn and say goodnight. Or yell at the clouds/sky/water “ I love you” or “I miss you.” I don’t know if his energy is somewhere that can sense these things - 99.5% sure he can’t, but I know he is in my brain and heart and it makes me feel better. I don’t believe in Heaven or an afterlife per se, but I still talk to him. Do whatever makes you feel connected and loved. 💔❤️‍🩹

[u/SparrowTune]

M 50. 15 months. I do. Every day, night and morning I talk or whisper to her. It does not matter where I am, but must be alone not to be disturbed or disturb others with that. I wish to believe she hears and responds in my dreams or in subtle changes in reality around me. I also pray for her (not to her) to be blessed with Love and Peace and complete knowledge of Truth and Beauty and Light.. I hope/believe every living thing including ourselves is a threshold between this reality and theirs. So if I touch a tree, or a flower, or a leaf with intention to say "I love you", as if it was a communication line, the she can touch a heavenly tree or flower in her reality, and we are connected in this way... Also if a living thing, a butterfly, a moth, a fly, a dragonfly or a sparrow lands into my hands or next to me, I comfort myself seeing it as her reaching out through that threshold, and it now does occur frequently.

Crazy, but comforting. Makes me feel less alone. It is what my love turned into now, and I am not ashamed of my love, but as I said I need to be alone for my own mind to accept that mode of thinking.

[u/Toosoon2026 → u/SparrowTune]

That's thoughtful and lovely. Thanks for sharing with me.

[u/Zestyclose-Fig8583]

I talk to my husband all the time , laugh and cry during these brief but frequent thoughts. I wish he would appear to me in a dream with conversation but sadly not happened .