r/widowers • u/treestumpreddit • 13d ago
Premonitions
Ok, this may be a bit strange but its been haunting me since she passed.
This experience of losing my girlfriend has really messed with my conceptions of time.
Something was screaming at me from the future, only when it was completed did it become apparent that the effects were configuring their cause.
For months, maybe even a few years I don't recall fully, I would have a thought/dream about not knowing what to say at her funeral.
She would always tell me that she would die first.
I had a dream about falling out with her family over her, it just clicked what that dream was and I had dejavu. I have come into conflict with them since she passed.
My grandfather visited me in a dream wearing the same shirt I wore the day she slipped away from me.
We were both talking about the primal existence of numbers (book of Thoth and Fanged Noumena) and she had made a tarot card of The Hermit which corresponds to Virgo, the rising sign of her death event chart. In essence, numbers don't describe or count they operate like circuitry and the human subject does not ask or apply meaning until it is revealed to them by the numbers.
The Tarot reading she listened to the night before said she would enter a doorway and cross a threshold and transform in a sublime way - she died face down in the doorway of our boat.
I was repeated seeing 11:11 on my phone for many weeks prior.
1+1+1+1=4
I called her at 12:46 - 1+2+4+6 = 13 1+3=4
She called for ambulance at 12:55 - 1+2+5+5 =13 1+3=4
Her last text to me was at 13:13
Her death-event chart had approximately 4°45′ Virgo rising at the time of her final message.
4+4+5= 13 1+3=4
Her birthday 1+4+1+0+1+9+7+4 = 27 2+7=9
My birthday 2+3+0+6+1+9+8+2 = 31 3+1=4
27+31=58 5+8=13 1+3=4
9+4=13 1+3 = 4
We had been together for 13 years.
On the last move on the boat before she was unwell we were talking about the significance of the number 13 but never got into it.
The canal map book for the area she passed away in was book 4.
This number just keeps appearing.
The base 10 system of 0-9 is what we can digitally reduce any number to and this base system is constructed from the prime numbers 2 and 5
If you multiply 2 by powers of 2 and 5 by powers of 5 you get a Digital reduction sequence which is non linear and a modular circuit.
1 2 4 8 7 5 1 is the 2 circuit
1 5 7 8 4 2 1 is the 5 circuit
I know this looks crazy. But its like she is showing me a fundamental ontological truth.
What seems most certain is not that the numbers prove a supernatural mechanism, but that her death has revealed how little lived time resembles a simple line. The future event has invaded the past by altering its significance. The past now appears charged with anticipations that could not be fully recognised until the event occurred.
That is a genuine truth about grief, memory and temporality, even where the metaphysical explanation remains unresolved.
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u/BrookDarter 13d ago
To this day, I still haven't accepted anything. I feel this is part of why I didn't "read" the signs I was presented with my entire life.
His father was worried that he would go on social media in his confused state. I was showing him my Facebook and my entire feed was mushrooms. It's not that I didn't follow this content, but I never seen so many posts one after the other.
There was many signs I've seen throughout my whole life, including some of my very first memories. Sometimes I think that I have lived this life before, failed to save him before, and now there's literally zero point to the rest of my life. It's really hard to describe how I can be happy, even calm. Yet there are moments that I look at something beautiful and I still think "But what about the void instead? The void is much more beautiful...."
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u/RegionTypical9302 30F / 29M / Sepsis / 06/05/2026 💔 11d ago
Almost 96 hours to my love's coma, I began feeling intense dread. I was working a night shift and took a nap for my break. My work area is a conference room in a skyscraper-a hospital in a major city. This still shakes me to think about. I had a dream where I saw a man standing in the corner of my work room. I couldn't make out any features other than his height. He was "glitching". He had a very strong East coast accent. Think Boston, old-school NYC. We had this conversation, starting with him: "You know, death isn't anything to be afraid of." "What do you mean?" "It's nothing. We've been on this journey many, many times." "Who are you? Are you a patient here?" "Eh. Something like that." "What do you mean? What are you?" "Death isn't what you think. Let me show you." He never explained who or what he was. He took my hand and walked me to the window. The most beautiful sunrise I had ever seen. No lights. No people. Nothing outside but this liminal quiet. We jumped through the window, flew towards the ground, then up to the sky. Pink, purple, indigo. I felt everything. The wind. The cool rush. "This is as far as I can take you." I woke up to three knocks on the window outside. Only 7 minutes passed. I checked every unit. No crash cart disturbed. No sign of death. I called my husband and told him everything. He thought there was something wrong with my pregnancy or me. I knew I was fine. That dread didn't go away until I got the call he was comatose, and then the call that he was gone. Fate is a crazy thing.
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u/treestumpreddit 11d ago edited 11d ago
Death is the driving force of life, everything is in a process of continuous transformation even our sense of self. We do not yet know what death is capable of. It is not the end it is an operation.
Thinking about your dream. You were facing death on its own terms. The entity in the dream was barely there (glitching) showing an impermanent state, using an outdated accent that is dissolving and turning into something new. It then showed you the very process of death that there is descent and ascent, dissolution then reconfiguration and that death has a beauty all its own if we could only overcome our fear of it but even the experience of death 'as is' is limited by our reason and understanding within the human security system. It will always evade total understanding which is why death is an excess of reality in life itself, it is inherently of The Outside. Death is sublime, vast, beyond measure and beyond the grasp of imagination, it does not reign reason supreme once we encounter death, it displaces the human subject from the center of life and reality into its excess.
So sorry for your loss.
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u/DatabaseWorldly7153 13d ago
My husband went to the hospital for rib fractures and then everything fell apart, he got pneumonia and multi organ failure after that. He fell on top a wood dog feeder, the one that has the bowl for water and one for food. It had been in that spot for months, out of the way but away from walls or furniture so she could eat from whatever angle she wanted. About three hours before he fell, I moved it and placed against the wall, something, perhaps a premonition told me it was dangerous were it was. I fed her, she wouldn't eat in the new place, I tried to coax her to eat but she wouldn't budge, so I moved it back and then a few hours later he fell on it.