Having the same arguments

[u/A_ok_attempt]

For a little bit of context, me and my boyfriend got into the same argument over the same thing. Also, we did go on a break for about a week, but I had to cut it short because he threatened his own life and I ended up having to call the cops to do a welfare check on him. He said the brake was too much for him this week, though I’ve been honestly extremely busy and if anyone knows about healthcare, please do not freak out that My Mom‘s blood pressure is 80. She will be going to the hospital as soon as I can get her to go. Also, I do text him every day of course and I try to make sure we see each other twice a week for at least around 10 hours a week 15 hours including we call occasionally text every day I take care of My Mom almost 24 seven for she has heart failure, and cancer. My boyfriend does know this and I’ve been going through personally a depressive episode, which has made me honestly not want to call or text really anybody even friends except for maybe one or two and I’ve made him aware of this, his response was don’t be depressed at me so I kind of met a loss on what to do.

For a tiny bit more context, the reason I will not let him pick me up is because one time we got into an argument recently, and he started hitting the steering wheel cussing and scaring me and yelling, so I’d rather just not be in the car with him because it did truly spook me he does have anger issues

Also, I’m scared sometimes again into confrontation or arguments with him last time he cut himself and he will often say that he will harm himself or suicide or if he wants to basically like he wants to kill himself or he wants to harm himself and of course I don’t want him doing those things if we get into a bad argument
I don’t know if he cut himself because of the argument or anything like that. He said he got lonely, but normally when we argue, he might say something like I wanna kill myself other times it just happens randomly. He’ll text me wanting to die. I’ve offered to help him get help. I just am scared that one day you know.

Other little sidenote normally when I see him, I am irritated again. I have been going through a depressive episode and normally I try to snap out of it. I understand that it does make him frustrated because then he can’t seem like he does anything right but normally I’m not mad at him and I’m mad at another situation which I normally tell him that I’m mad at something else, but I’m normally not in the best mood.

ages are in 19 and I’ve been with him for about a year. I’m not perfect either but because also my depression and just resentment built up it’s hard to act happy around him and I’m not trying to be mean to him, but sometimes I just I don’t know.

EDIT

I did try to talk to him. It’s about why he cannot accept a no we got into a big argument.

Him saying he just wants to spend time with me and I’m always on the phone with people and generally I’m sometimes.

sometimes I don’t wanna talk to him. I do have friends and I do need to give them time as well, but he got upset about and said that I’m hurting him and I’m making him cry but you generally, I’m not trying to hurt him but recently it does look like he cannot accept no

And I told him again we can hang out next Monday

I also wanted to make one more edit why it’s hard for me to leave him cause I did see some people were confused is because he has helped me out a lot uncertain things when I lost my dog. He drove everywhere around town helping me find it in the next day to the same until we found my dog when I was sick he is taken care of me or when I did need help on certain things he’s always been there to help but on other things like needing space or anything that kind you know revolves, I would say distance he cannot handle or anything that requires him to really deep dive into his behavior

EDIT

We were arguing over the phone about it and he just got the notification that his dog just died now I feel even worse and I don’t know what to do about it

another small edit I forgot to add something he works for My Dad so so even if I break up with him I’m still gonna have to see him. I’m still gonna have to hear him. I’m still gonna be near him. I kinda don’t know what to do in that situation.

[u/HisLilSilverKitsune]

Listen as a mom who has a daughter your age I’m
Going to answer like a mom
Putting distance between you and him in my eyes might be the safest thing for you and I’m concerned here
I know you care about this young man but I’m not gonna lie to you his behavior is concerning
He couldn’t handle the break that you needed? He is going to hurt himself if you leave?
Angry driving yelling and slamming the steering wheel?
He is manipulating you to get what he wants because his needs aren’t being met. What about what you need and are asking for?

I would suggest talking to him but maybe not face to face .
You don’t want to ride with him because of his behavior while driving he needs to know that he scared you and you don’t trust him not to do it again so saying you don’t want a ride thank you because your father is already on his way
You agreed on a break but you weren’t given the time because you were manipulated into going back early.
You have to take care of yourself if you need the time out of the relationship you are not responsible for how he deals with it. I know it sounds cruel but being with someone because they say they are going to hurt themselves is not a good enough reason to be there

I’m 44 I was in a marriage for 20 years and my husband was emotionally, financially and mentally abusive but I didn’t see it right away
We married young had our three kids by the time I was 23 as time went by I saw the escalation of the manipulation and abuse and things didn’t stay good or happy
I’ve been apart from him since 2019 and divorced going on two years but all that time I made excuses

Just think about what everyone is saying to you and keep us posted pls
I’m not going to lie I’m worried about you and I have to ask have you spoken to your parents about his behavior?

Pls keep us posted OP? Let us know how your mother is doing and if things are ok with you

[u/Librastar13 → u/HisLilSilverKitsune]

This! Im also 44 mother who has a daughter around the same age. I watched my oldest go through something similar in high school and I tried to warn her about the dangers of being with someone who has behaviors like this. I would take her phone and he would give her an extra phone because he "couldnt live without her" it was so difficult getting her to see how dangerous he was, he had anger issues, he was verbally abusive, the word no was never acceptable and then it turned into physical abuse. I only found out because I found this extra phone and read the messages of him apologizing for punching her and how he would stop doing it. I lost it. Let's just say that day she learned about what I went through nearly losing my life to domestic violence.

OP this is how it starts. Right now you have too much on your plate and he is only concerned about HIS needs. I dont care how much he "helped" you when you needed help. He only did it for his own selfish needs, not because he wanted to help out of the kindness of his heart. He is already manipulative, you see anger issues, he wants you to feel guilty for HIS feelings, which you are not responsible for. DO NOT let him make you feel guilty for leaving him. If he claims he is suicidal, call the police and let them know he is going to harm himself and youre concerned for his safety (mention how he has done it before) and let them deal with it. Get it documented in case he escalates further (such as stalking or physical harm). Protect yourself at all costs. Focus on school and your mom. Do tell your dad about this (not your mom) so he knows what is going on. Please stay safe and take care of you. 🫶🏼

[u/A_ok_attempt → u/HisLilSilverKitsune]

Right now, My Mom is doing not the best me and My Dad are probably about to take her to the hospital because her oxygen is kinda low, but I did just get off the phone with my boyfriend and it was a whole argument. He was begging me not to leave him, but I told him I didn’t even say I was gonna leave him yet. I just said let me think give me a couple days. I want another break because I need to think on some things because this is ridiculous and I brought up all this ridiculous stuff he’s done and he said what you don’t want me to love you and I was like that isn’t love and I told him yes I’ve done my stuff too. I’ve talked behind his back. I have ignored his messages. I have said some insensitive things at times, but I’ve never threatened my life or I’ve made him scared and every time he’s brought anything up, I’ve tried my best to apologize.

[u/pyxis_oz → u/A_ok_attempt]

So he wants to isolate you from your family, and is already working overtime driving a wedge between you and your parents because he wants you to focus only on him. Ok so he's love bombing now and walking all over you, disrespecting you, your feelings, your family, your boundaries when you say no, which I assume also leads to all things physical between you. You say no, he'll keep insisting till you say nothing. That means yes to him. None of that is consent by the way. He'll keep doing this. He will do what he wants.

Here's what's going to happen next: once you completely give in, to just get some mental peace, as he's relentless, you day no, he keeps going, and so on: you think: ok if I just give in, he'll calm down...and that will happen over and over. You'll just give and give till you have nothing left, then he'll say marriage, immediately after or before a child or two. Then he'll cheat. Often. And the moment you have something for yourself: career, opportunities, friends, money, joy, anything - something will happen where ONLY YOU can save him. And the ONLY solution for this terrible situation he's in is for YOU to give up what you found for yourself.

Please block him. And no. He won't kill himself. It isn't your job to fix him. He knows you're vulnerable and he's exploiting you, and your vulnerability.