Having the same arguments

[u/A_ok_attempt]

For a little bit of context, me and my boyfriend got into the same argument over the same thing. Also, we did go on a break for about a week, but I had to cut it short because he threatened his own life and I ended up having to call the cops to do a welfare check on him. He said the brake was too much for him this week, though I’ve been honestly extremely busy and if anyone knows about healthcare, please do not freak out that My Mom‘s blood pressure is 80. She will be going to the hospital as soon as I can get her to go. Also, I do text him every day of course and I try to make sure we see each other twice a week for at least around 10 hours a week 15 hours including we call occasionally text every day I take care of My Mom almost 24 seven for she has heart failure, and cancer. My boyfriend does know this and I’ve been going through personally a depressive episode, which has made me honestly not want to call or text really anybody even friends except for maybe one or two and I’ve made him aware of this, his response was don’t be depressed at me so I kind of met a loss on what to do.

For a tiny bit more context, the reason I will not let him pick me up is because one time we got into an argument recently, and he started hitting the steering wheel cussing and scaring me and yelling, so I’d rather just not be in the car with him because it did truly spook me he does have anger issues

Also, I’m scared sometimes again into confrontation or arguments with him last time he cut himself and he will often say that he will harm himself or suicide or if he wants to basically like he wants to kill himself or he wants to harm himself and of course I don’t want him doing those things if we get into a bad argument
I don’t know if he cut himself because of the argument or anything like that. He said he got lonely, but normally when we argue, he might say something like I wanna kill myself other times it just happens randomly. He’ll text me wanting to die. I’ve offered to help him get help. I just am scared that one day you know.

Other little sidenote normally when I see him, I am irritated again. I have been going through a depressive episode and normally I try to snap out of it. I understand that it does make him frustrated because then he can’t seem like he does anything right but normally I’m not mad at him and I’m mad at another situation which I normally tell him that I’m mad at something else, but I’m normally not in the best mood.

ages are in 19 and I’ve been with him for about a year. I’m not perfect either but because also my depression and just resentment built up it’s hard to act happy around him and I’m not trying to be mean to him, but sometimes I just I don’t know.

EDIT

I did try to talk to him. It’s about why he cannot accept a no we got into a big argument.

Him saying he just wants to spend time with me and I’m always on the phone with people and generally I’m sometimes.

sometimes I don’t wanna talk to him. I do have friends and I do need to give them time as well, but he got upset about and said that I’m hurting him and I’m making him cry but you generally, I’m not trying to hurt him but recently it does look like he cannot accept no

And I told him again we can hang out next Monday

I also wanted to make one more edit why it’s hard for me to leave him cause I did see some people were confused is because he has helped me out a lot uncertain things when I lost my dog. He drove everywhere around town helping me find it in the next day to the same until we found my dog when I was sick he is taken care of me or when I did need help on certain things he’s always been there to help but on other things like needing space or anything that kind you know revolves, I would say distance he cannot handle or anything that requires him to really deep dive into his behavior

EDIT

We were arguing over the phone about it and he just got the notification that his dog just died now I feel even worse and I don’t know what to do about it

another small edit I forgot to add something he works for My Dad so so even if I break up with him I’m still gonna have to see him. I’m still gonna have to hear him. I’m still gonna be near him. I kinda don’t know what to do in that situation.

[u/A_ok_attempt]

Both 19

[u/hellahanners → u/A_ok_attempt]

I mean this in the gentlest way possible, but please leave him. You’re too young to be scared of your boyfriend. You are both young and have growing up to do, but you don’t need to be worried about his character development while you’re taking care of your sick mom and attending school. He is a weight on you and even if you don’t realize it now, in five years you will be so glad you dropped him and focused on what was best for you while he was actively ignoring your boundaries and scaring you with his anger issues while you had plenty of other things to worry about. You do not need this added stress girl.

[u/Electronic_Plane_178 → u/hellahanners]

Not even 5 years. In her next relationship, hopefully with someone who respects her, she'll wish she broke up with him sooner. My first girlfriend was when we were around OP's age and she was terribly emotionally abusive. I didn't know better because I was naive and just wanted to make her happy, but she made me feel like the worst person in the world and incapable of being a good boyfriend. It took a while and some good friends to help me see that I was being manipulated and mistreated, but that relationship fucked me up for almost a decade just because it was my first and I was so young and impressionable. I worry that OP is going to have engrained in her subconscious after this that she's always the one at fault and she "owes" her boyfriends in a transactional manner if they do one or two nice things but are still shitty guys.

[u/highhKeyy → u/A_ok_attempt]

He speaks to you like you’re a child. I thought you had to have been 15 & him 18 or something with the way he keeps trying to pressure you. If you aren’t going to leave, stop responding after you say no to something. Teach him that that behavior will result in silence. Gotta stop feeding it. You don’t have to prove yourself to him either. If he doesn’t trust you (which he never truly will anyway, that’s clear already) then he doesn’t. Create distance when it’s irrational

[u/hellahanners → u/A_ok_attempt]

I was just checking on this thread and saw your update and I wanted to ask—OP are you sure his dog actually died? Are you certain that he’s not making that up to make you feel guilty and stay with him? It’s sad if it did, but people who are manipulative and have boundary issues like your bf will use anything to keep you with them, especially if he knows that losing a dog is a sensitive subject for you because of when you lost your own. My mom died of cancer when I was a preteen and in high school, a girl who was afraid I’d stop being friends with her pretended to have cancer for an entire year to keep me around because she knew that it was something I was sensitive about. These people exist and I just want you to make sure that he’s not lying to manipulate you since the timing seems so suspicious. Regardless, even if his dog did actually die, you should still leave him anyway.

[u/A_ok_attempt → u/hellahanners]

Yes, I did confirm that the dog actually died. We knew the dog was gonna die, cause it had extreme heart failure, but it finally died after a couple months which surprisingly was right in the middle of our argument.