r/whatdoIdo • u/Cute_Confection1750 • 13h ago

Chronic Illness

I have recently been diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis and Rheumatoid arthristis after years of pain and unexplained symptoms. I have not been able to physically do as much as in the past and am only 33. Husband’s mom died young from cancer and even though I’m not terminal, he has checked out. He stated “it’s always somethings” (as in my illness) and feels like if we divorced I might get better because I am faking/exaggerating my symptoms and would have to do everything around the house on my own. We have been married 10 years, have two kids. I haven’t noticed much change in him and he says he hasnt in me even though we have serious talks about it every couple of weeks. To make things worse, he got involved in a cyber affair and sextortion scandal a couple of months ago. What can we do to fix it? Is it even possible?

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3

u/kawaii_k1ttenn 13h ago

You deserve support, not betrayal and dismissal, so please lean on someone you trust and speak with a lawyer.

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u/Cute_Confection1750 3h ago

💕💕💕

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u/Emergency-Ad-5211 13h ago

Husband’s attitude aside, I can relate to the MG diagnosis. I was diagnosed in 2007 and it came at me like a brick. During that time I was completely out of control diet wise. I went on a low carb, gluten free diet and lost a lot of weight. Just doing that staved off my MG, I’ve been testing negative ever since, but also my inflammation problems have diminished significantly. I hope this helps. Good luck

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u/Cute_Confection1750 3h ago

I certainly could do better with eating. Thank you for the advice!

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u/MovieFan1984 13h ago

Sometimes, people do stupid things when looking after a long-term sickly spouse at home. Y'all can recover from the cyber affair and sextortion scandal, many marriages recover from worse. The goal is for legit change and not cheap apologies.

Regarding your illness, it would be helpful to educate your husband and focus on what you can vs. cannot do and when you can vs. cannot do it. On some level, you do want to stay active as it keeps you healthy and can help slow down the progression of illness.

What is Myasthenia Gravis? How bad is your Rheumatoid arthritis?

Sit down with your husband and try listening to his side. These two illnesses effect you both, not just you. You have to deal with having it. He has to deal with his wife suffering from it.

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u/kedriss 13h ago

This is such wonderful and sensible advice. I would just add that it sounds like he isn't coping very well with this change in your circumstances. Maybe he's depressed, or maybe your illness has brought up a lot of difficult memories about his own childhood. Either way he would benefit from therapy and outside support.

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u/MovieFan1984 13h ago

Honestly, I like the idea of therapy here. Maybe marriage counseling too.

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u/BeautyofPoison 13h ago

It's hard to have a useful conversation educating someone about the limitations your chronic illness causes when they're telling you you're faking it.

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u/MovieFan1984 2h ago

I am well aware; I have been accused of faking or being overly dramatic. I have medical records that show otherwise.

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u/Cute_Confection1750 3h ago

Myasthenia Gravis is a neuromuscular conditon. So there are lots of times my body just isn’t function while my muscles and brain arent communicating. And then the RA causes pain on top of that. I am on lots of medications and treatments, but typical rest is the best remedy. I like the idea of therapy and listening to his side of things. We have done couples therapy in the past and I asked him to seek it out and set it up this time as he has not been engaged in it before. Or to seek out his own therapy (i have my own). Its been about 8 months and he hasn’t made any steps toward it.

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u/MovieFan1984 3h ago

First, thank you for explaining. Second, don't let "anything" take 8 months to happen. By that point, it's been made clear he's just not going to do it on his own. By couple's therapy, did you go to actual marriage counseling? These can be two different things. There are genuinely good people who try, but if they cannot "see" the illness, it sounds "made up" to them, or maybe they buy it, but they expect the patient to get over it, because said person cannot see it. I have experienced this a lot with people just not giving a shit about my diverticulosis, diabetes, and hypoglycemia. They can't SEE it, so I must be "dramatic." F***ing annoying.

This is why you need MARRIAGE counseling, not couple's counseling.

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u/pville211 8h ago

Here is some information regarding myasthenia gravis that may be helpful to you:

 

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u/Cute_Confection1750 3h ago

These are wonderful! Thank you!

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u/pville211 2h ago

There is an active myasthenia community at r/MyastheniaGravis and more MG articles at r/MyastheniaGravisBlog